I know what you mean about wanting to get your spouse interested in doing things with you. Harley, in "His Needs, Her Needs" says that one of a man's secondary needs, after sex of course, is for a playmate. My spouse used to join me for my SF conventions, but dropped off doing that years ago, I try to be excited about "shopping" but the only shopping that we enjoy together is going to book stores. She somewhat enjoys movies and can handle watching some Trek with me. Fortunately S8 loves that kind of stuff, so he and I bond there. Also he's going to join me for an SF con next year as Terry Pratchett(Discworld) is going to be the guest of honor, the kiddo loves the Discworld animated DVD's I have.
So I understand your wanting to get her to join, but join HP and Tim in tempering it. My spouse and I do bond somewhat doing certain house projects, i.e. painting and some yardwork, but we haven't found an activity that we both have fun doing together. It's something I'm trying to find.
Scott -Who got laid last night!!!!!!!
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
I should have indicated that I DO have a "reality voice" telling me that she might not like it all. However, as a family, we've been going down to the river near our house and riding the graded jogging trails with my W on my old beater-bike and my D5 on her. There's a little strip of single-track trail there with a dry creek bed crossing that I've been coaching my D5 to cross. The fact that she got to do it with her mom and dad both watching and cheering her on is a very big deal to her. I really just want to find one activity where personal fears can be overcome and then praised. I'm certain that my W will probably never join me on the kind of rides that I do now unless she really gets excited about it. I'm thinking that short, family rides on some of the dirt roads in the mountains can be part of a recreational repertoire. I feel compelled to put small, doable challenges in front of her that she feel good about achieving because she lives her life in fear.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
One of the things that I complained to our C about was the fact that I've lost a lot of respect for my W because of the "way" she lives her life (completely risk averse, fearful, etc). C said that it is possible that my W was attracted to the fact that I initially brought her out of her shell some (introduced her to snow skiing which she loves, etc.) and that it is possibly that I've gotten too extreme and confident and she is legitimately scared. I think the one discipline that will help me as a father while simultaneously helping my W feel "included" and "inspired" again is for me to learn to slow down, decrease my enthusiasm, and provide gentle encouragement...with an emphasis on "gentle".
At some point in our M, my W lost "trust" in me and what used to be "thrilling" to her, is now "scary". I think this might be the "neckbolt" of our entire bag of problems. That's why I'm going to pretend that we are dating again and I'm showing how to ski...but this time, it's ride a bike (which btw, she's very good at...when dating, we did these great urban assaults in downtown dallas in the parking garages etc.).
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
I just want to issue a huge apology for my writing style. I just re-read some of my old posts and I really do sound like a special-ed student. Geez. I, unfortunately, post here in a "train of thought" sort of way and the way my mind works is that 1 thought triggers the recall of a previous thought. A lot of times, I characterize a story in reverse order. It must be tough to read. Please believe me that I'm actually smarter than I sound. I now see why it takes me so long to write emails...I have to iterate over them 10 times. Geez.
Today and yesterday have been weird. My W gave me a hug and kiss before I left for my ride last night. It was the first physical contact of the day. I shouldn't be reading into it because if I really wanted a hug earlier in the day, I would have approached her. Today is very similar. She's not acknowledging my existence or showing any signs of affection towards me. This is getting weird.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: I shouldn't be reading into it because if I really wanted a hug earlier in the day, I would have approached her. Today is very similar. She's not acknowledging my existence or showing any signs of affection towards me. This is getting weird.
Hmm... what are YOU doing? Are you showing HER signs of affection, or acknowledging her existence? I'm just asking because there isn't much info there. Maybe SHE'S doing a crucible on YOU. Looking forward to future installments...
W just came into my office to explain that she's been getting a ton of things done that haave been bugging her and that just doesn't have time to "make out" with me all day. So I said..."well how about just 20 seconds" and she gave me some good kisses just now. I then said "how about carving out some time tonight". W: "Geez, we just did it Monday"...Me: "Yes, and today is Thursday". W: "Well...OK" as she left the room. M: (loud so she could here it) "...it's good for the heart!...it's good for the soul!!"
So, we're on the books for tonight. I'm anxious to see how it goes. We might be heading for something like Tim because I sense that she might rebel against the frequency.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
I should fill in the blanks a little but your post made me think that you are possibly right though I don't think she is consciously doing it.
She's been going 1 million miles per hour yesterday and today doing all sorts of things around the house. She was covered in dirt from gardening, wet from washing windows and camping out in the laundry room. Even our D5 is getting the short end of the stick because she's been on her computer non-stop fot the past 2 days. It's almost like my W is in a "compulsive" cleaning rage. So about 30 minutes ago, before I posted about the "scheduled LM session", I went to her and tried to give her a hug and kiss and as I approached, she "dodged" me. I asked if she was feeling "edgy" and she said "no...just trying to get stuff done" and I left and came back into my office. She recognized that my approach was actually a "bid" and she came back in to clarify her behavior. That's where my last post began.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
She sounds a lot like my W, who's always going on about how she "hasn't gotten anything accomplished" - it's like in her mind she sets herself a quota for ironing or cleaning, and then of course life happens and she gets sidetracked (ferrying the kids around, having lunch, visiting a friend, etc.) and then looks around and says to herself "I haven't accomplished a THING!" Not very self-helpful. It sounds like your W is dealing with a "backlog" created by focusing on the R for a while, and it also sounds like she's making good progress in that she was able to stop herself and respond to you! Great stuff!
