Mother’s Day was amazing! I had some tears heading up to see D19. H knows it’s a tough holiday for me. D17 gave me a great card and D19 got me flowers. I actually got a happy Mother’s Day from H which was more than expected honestly. Had a nice meal and a tour of campus. D17 is going to be looking at schools this summer so she wanted to check things out. Hopefully hearing about H and I won’t totally sidetrack her. Moved a bunch of stuff out of the dorm. H complained a lot but I was determined just to enjoy the beautiful day with my girls. Then H actually grilled out when we got home. His idea. He hadn’t done that yet and we used to almost every Sunday. Hung out on the patio like nothing was wrong.
Had a pretty good week. D19 is home. It’ll be nice to have her back this summer. Today for whatever reason I couldn’t get the thought of “I wonder how much of my life the past few years was a complete lie.” Shouldn’t think way. I’ll never know and probably better I don’t.
D19 has been asking about July 4th again. I stay out of it. H says we probably will stay home. I know D19 wants to anyway but he may have some pushback from D17. I’m not pushing, not talking about the future or the R, but I wonder if these conversations with the D’s about summer will push him. Will it get taken out on me and he’ll leave. I’m trying to even tell myself that there is a good chance he’ll still leave in June. Was that conversation a lie. I seem to be questioning everything.
The past few days he seems more irritable. Mostly with the dog. Then when D17 tells him to calm down he’ll kind of go off. Not yelling just making comments. I keep quiet and shrug. She’s okay. I check in when he’s not around.
Saturday will be tough to see my dad. He has no idea. Will probably tell him H is golfing. And Sunday it’ll be five years since my mom passed. Going to just try to enjoy my dad and hanging with the girls.
I’m glad to hear Mother’s Day went well. Time with daughters, some nice gifts, a BBQ; glad you enjoyed the day.
Originally Posted by bkerchik
I’m not pushing, not talking about the future or the R, but I wonder if these conversations with the D’s about summer will push him. Will it get taken out on me and he’ll leave.
Good for you. Remain clear of all that.
Fate will push and prod H. Let others say what they will.
H might try to lash out at you. Let it roll off you. You keep doing you, focusing on you and the D’s, and let H own his choices. Let him, make him, do the heavy-lifting if he is going to leave.
Hope you have a great weekend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
It’s been a little over a week since H came to me and said he wouldn’t be leaving until July. This morning I come downstairs to grab some breakfast. H is down there. He’s up early. I wish I could remember exactly what he said, but I think it was somewhere along the lines of “I want to run something by you”. Okay. He tells me that he wants to wait until after the summer is over to move out and he is going to try to get out of his lease. He’s asks if that’s okay. I said yes. He said that everything little thing about the kids and their questions about this summer is really stressing him out. Asking about vacation, the 4th. He said every time something like that comes up it stresses him out. And again, how do I tell them. He says he’s thinking about the family. The kids, our parents, but not once are the two of us mentioned. I told him it was no problem if he stayed it was his decision when he leaves. He said he wanted to make sure it was okay, cause I could just want him out, said he didn’t know. I said no I’m not kicking you out. This is fine.
And just earlier in the morning I thought it was weird because I noticed him saying “we” more often and that it’s weird that he is willing to meet with the guy to fix our ac. All things like that house related I’ve had to do cause he’d kinda been checked out if living here.
I almost brought up our m during this conversation but I stopped myself. Even if I was to bring it up he was definitely not in a good place to talk about it this morning. And I told him last week that my position hasn’t changed. I didn’t want to keep bringing that up. I really don’t know what to make of any of this and I really don’t want to read anything into it. Don’t know if I even believe it. Is he saying these things to see if I keep up my changes? No expectations right? I’m thinking i continue on as I have been. Working on myself, no R talk. But I’m very confused.
Yes, the behaviours of these mixed up folks can be very confusing. They ping pong about, and can abruptly alter direction. Case in point, H’s plans about leaving. He pas postponed them, twice, and now is looking to get out of his lease.
Why? Hard to know for sure. Your changes, problems in the band, life pushing back on him, fate, karma, realizing what he would be missing/leaving/losing, etc.
You are wise to be wary and keep your expectations at zero. Time will tell.
Keep doing as you are. Be kind and cordial. Pressure-free. Focusing on you. Living your life. And letting H run to catch up.
You got this!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Today I keep overthinking why he asked me if it was okay to stay. I just told him a week ago that my position hadn’t changed. Was he being thoughtful or did he want me to kick him out so I was the bad guy? I know I can’t control him or know what on earth is going through his head. Just venting.
Your h is a very confused man. The many questions and concerns that your daughters are raising are stressing him out a bit. As long as you remain calm and not get into the middle of their discussions, things should be ok. He needs to interact with the girls and they continue to give him things to think about.
I am not at all surprised that he is staying until July and then coming back around till after the summer. He asked you if it was okay to stay. Maybe he hoped you would tell him to leave so that he could say that you shoved him out the door. There is no way to tell with them because their thought processes and emotions are all over the place.
For now, listen carefully, observe. Stay neutral and calm. I know it's not easy, but you are doing a great job
Keep the focus on you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Remember the 10 bottles of wine H told me he bought when he was drunk and they never made it home? Yesterday he showed up with 6 bottles. Saw them on the counter and asked what they were. Told me the bottles he ordered just arrived so he went and got them today. So first, he told me there were 10. Okay. Second, why bring them home now and tell me how much I’m going to like them. And, the wine house he got them from doesn’t open until 3. He was picking D17 up from school and 3, then he dropped her and went to work out. So did he go pick this up in his work out clothes. Makes me question all that. I know I shouldn’t.
Then my lovely D19 who I think is catching on to something going on, not sure if she knows what, but something. This was our family chat last night when she got home from work. H and I were at D17’s soccer game.
D19: did you go to the game? Me: Yep D19: oh I was confused because your car is here Me: yes dad and I rode together D19: I just assumed dad was somewhere else like he always is
I did not respond. Family text. I know he and D17 both saw it. He did not respond that I know of, unless he texted her alone.
Roller coaster today. My BF think I should kick him out. She’s never been married and doesn’t have kids. She doesn’t get it but tells me she supports me. It’s hard hearing that. Fortunately I have my other friend who totally gets it.
It will be an interesting long weekend. Will he disappear or will he be around. I’ll be busy. Lots of work to do around the house. Some GAL’ing. Hopefully a hike with the D’s and the dog.
People don't get it...not until it happens to them. Yes, it is easy to say kick him out, but they are not walking in your shoes. Ignore her comments and continue as you have been. You will know when you have had enough....but it is up to you to decide that....not others.
Enjoy your hike.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
