Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

My words were chose very carefully. What does "this" mean? The convo about daycare? or the divorce process? Let her be confused on this.

I knew there was something I could learn from that convo. Thanks for the feedback. Especially trying to problem solve. That’s the first time I’ve done that for her (that i can recall) since BD. So weird how easily it slipped out.

So in your hypothetical response, you were really saying “I’d like to sort out daycare payments asap. When do you expect to hear back from L”? I’ll admit that is confusing, so job well done haha. What is the theory or strategy for doing this? Just part of 180/flip the script to create mystery and possibly give her something to wonder about? She left the old Card29, so dont be old Card29?

I've been enjoying some bonus days/weeks with the dog, but W just casually mentioned she's grabbing him today. I was hoping she forgot about him haha. I'm going to miss this guy

Good Morning Card


Remain silent. Letting her hear crickets would be best.

You and her did a walk through and both agreed. Hold her accountable. Give an inch and they’ll take a mile.

Two weeks ago:


And now, W is not wanting to honour her signed agreement. Tough, hold her to it.

A week or so earlier then the walk through and she was all up in arms about S1’s furniture.


Baby furniture, vacuum, how many other “inches” will she decide she is entitled to.


Imagine what your response would be to going to pick up your car after getting new tires installed and the guy says there was a lot going through his head so he increased the quoted price by $400.


Card, this is the business side of the situation. Do not let your emotions cloud your rational judgements. You have some “maybe” agreed upon things, and some much up in the air things. Custody being the big one, in my opinion. Then daycare and other expenses.


Just months ago, W was off vacationing for five weeks. No kids or responsibilities. And now, a big push… for some reason…

In my locale, kids cannot be taken out of the local area, unless the other parent agrees. This also means that both parents need to live in the local area, or the moving one needs to give up custody rights.

Be careful allowing and agreeing to these negotiations before getting an actual signed separation agreement. Setting a precedent can and will be used against (and sometimes for) you. In this case, W’s hometown is five hours away. If she were to move there, and negations between you two turned sour, where do think S1’s court ordered home base would be?

Inches can quickly become miles.

You know your situation best. If you need protection and/or security, get it. And get it in writing, with a lawyer. W’s has illustrated how dear she holds her own signature and obligations.

Be businesslike when dealing with the business of all this.

D

Thanks, D. I'm going to mull over your feedback and will comment later.

W's school had to go into lock down due to a reported shooting outside of the school. It was a fake "swatting" call. But it was scary for 10 minutes. I was following the situation on twitter and texting W with updates. She was huddled in her classroom with 28 scared kids. We texted back and forth until we figured out that the situation was clear.

And also her grandmother just died.

All of this just brought me back to how much I love her. I normally would be leaving work now just to go be with her. Obviously can't do that, so I thought I'd vent this here.

Glad everyone is OK.

Perfectly fine to be protective (or involved) against a real threat.

I don't recall where I picked up the idea, but I believe it is effective.



So the first way she MAY interpret:
"I want to get divorced from you ASAP." She may think "Hey he is agreeing with my decision. That is different..."

But you really are not showing your cards.

I'll lay off on trying to throw her some confusion this week with today's event, and her having to travel 11 hours away for her grandma's funeral. But I'll keep thinking about how to respond differently in future situations.

I'll give myself a B- on limiting responses. I've had a few moments where I fired out a lot of quick reactions, but I've left most of her texts without response,

I will say, when we did the house walk through a couple of weeks ago, I used your advice and threw out the idea of a sexual favor in exchange for something in the house she was wanting. She genuinely laughed at it. Makes me want to try some other things and see her reactions. Unfortunately not a lot of chances to interact with her in person. With S1 hand-offs being done at day care (she'll drop off & I'll pick up, or vice versa), we probably won't have very many in-person interactions right now.

Personal updates:

- Have not missed a gym session and am doing extra work at the house at night. Arms feel a little bigger, but that still might just be the extra blood supply while the muscles repair
- With the loss of weight due to stress the first 2 weeks, I'm finally able to fit a bunch of shirts I bought about a year ago. They're really nice dress shirts that were on clearance. So that's like a free 4-5 shirt upgrade
- After getting the upscale, white leather sneakers I've been wanting, I've now also upgraded my casual sneakers and scored a cool pair of boots for the fall on clearance
- Playing around with some modifications to my facial hair. Experimenting with a fade of the top portion of the beard. It makes my face look a little younger

To-do this week:
- Need a new aftershave, it's still my old scent.
- Also want to find another new cologne

W “I want the vacuum”

Card “No, that’s not what was agreed”

End of discussion.

She can TELL if you’re going to be weak and she will keep pushing. Be strong and absolute.


I did 99% of the vacuuming and cleaning in my marriage. When mine demanded to take the vacuum at a lawyer meeting, I asked her if she wanted lessons on how to use it too! 😎

You STILL don’t have a new aftershave? Get on it Card!