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Just checking in.

Have an appointment this afternoon with a different lawyer. This one came highly recommended from a friend. His secretary calls yesterday and said after reviewing his appointment log, he realizes he can't see me due to a conflict of interest. That's the 2nd L I've called that has this 'conflict'. I'm pretty mad. The friend that referred him to me used him in his D. His current girlfriend and my W are friends, so maybe she told W about him. L also graduated with or around my W, so maybe that's the conflict. Whatever. I still have the L I had the consult with, but she's young and I'm not sure how she'll do if things go south.

On Saturday W asked if our mutual friends could come over. I was busy on the grill and mowing grass, but said I didn't care. The 4 of us hung out like old times, then they wanted to go to the nearby casino. I had no interest, but the 3 of them talked me into it. When we got there I went straight to the poker room and didn't see them again for an hour or two. The 4 of us then ate and hung out, then went home.

I don't think W understands that I'm really not interested in 'hanging out' with her. I'll do it out of necessity for the time being, and it's not bad if friends come over our house or something. But going 'out' with her is just weird. Especially in a place like that, where there's tons of smoking hot women everywhere.

So go out. GAL. Be interesting not boring.

This is why I recommend every newbie go get the free consults with the top 3 lawyers in their area ASAP. When you wait, the spouse may beat you to the top lawyers, leaving you with less desirables.

Yeah, I definitely dropped the ball with the L I originally wanted. W beat me to it. I think this last one's conflict was, I found out he and W graduated together. No idea if/how well they know each other. Could that be the case?

IDK where you're located at, but every L around here charges at least $200 for an initial consult.

Good Morning T


Add me to the list too. W and I had no financial worries. We were five years from retirement. Basically, easily street. Then kaboom!

I think people define themselves through their adversities. We generally “need’” something to overcome. We look for a challenge, or more accurately feel empowered and have genuine satisfaction when accomplishing something truly meaningful and requiring significant efforts. If people ever solve all the world problems, we would inevitably destroy that non-adversity utopia.

Happiness/enjoyment is an interesting state to delve into and explore its underpinnings. “God mode” is about the quickest way to ruin a video game. Unlimited money, ammo, mana, resources, etc - equals no challenge. Kind of equates to real life. Think wealthy personalities and their scandalous affairs / arrests / situations / etc. Apparently money doesn’t only not buy happiness; satisfaction also requires a different currency.

The past five days, I’ve been working and sweating under the hot sun, building a storage shed with (and for) my son and DIL. The three of us worked some long days. Quite a satisfaction from all that labor. As well as a financial savings for them, and bond building between us.

D

That is nothing compared to the cost of two lawyers arguing.

I believe it would be good to go to divorce court and watch some lawyers in action. That doesn't cost anything but your time. Plus you can get a view of how the system works in your area. You can then contact the ones you liked.

I agree. Divorce is so promoted to women nowadays that regardless of how many lives they upend, they're hailed as 'heroes'. I should have cancelled cable TV years ago. I remember back in the 90s and early 2000s, every time you'd turn on one of those stupid talk shows (Oprah, etc), there'd be 14 year old pregnant girls that were going to have and raise the baby. The crowd would stand and cheer at how brave these girls were. MTV would have reality shows with the same thing. Lifetime movies. Next thing you know there's a whole generation of young girls getting pregnant, so they could be 'heroes' too. I wish they'd check back in with those girls and their kids now. Statistically, 70% of the kids ended up in the system.

Absolutely. I still have the L I consulted with, and I think she'll be fine. I've heard good things about her, with the only knock being that she's relatively young. As long as the W remains amicable, all I really need is someone to lmk if I'm secretly getting screwed.

W just said she wants to tell our son tomorrow. This pisses me off to no end, as it's 4th of July weekend, his birthday next Thursday, and surgery the following week. Just another example of how insensitive and selfish she really is. I told her this is like the worst time to tell him, but she said "maybe, but we need to get this done asap." Then she went on to say stuff like how it probably won't bother him at all, how we couldn't possibly wait till after his surgery cause we need to get the house on the market, and how we both need to be 'united and upbeat' about talking to him. lol.

I already know her 'plan'. She's going to make it seem like this is a mutual decision that not only her and I, but all are friends and family are happy about. She better pray he doesn't start asking questions to me like 'daddy, why don't you want to be with me all the time?', 'dad, why do you want to leave mom and break up our family?'.

One of the harder things in this process to do.



If I were in your shoes, I would say this to her:
"I believe you should wait until after S12's surgery to tell him you are done being married."

Then all the emotional validation:
"I am sure waiting is frustrating" or "You look like you are getting angry." etc


If she wants to argue or debate:
"I have made my wishes clear."

The less talking you do the better.



I would make it clear that she is to do most of the talking. You should also ask her what she will say.

Typically it doesn't go exactly as planned.


Get some statements clarified in your head that you may need to say to S12 when he asks questions. I statements like : "I want mom to be happy" etc.