Thanks for the input everyone. I appreciate having this resource to consult before taking any action with respect to the marriage. I will let it go while she is in town and not allow my subconscious to contrive any ways to initiate contact.
D, not as many fish as in years past but enough for an excellent dinner.
Yesterday afternoon W sent me a picture of a funny meme. No text or anything else.
Temperature check? Hoping I will respond with a smile and relieve her guilt? I did not respond at all as I felt like there was no way to do so without denying our current reality as she seems to be doing.
Good job. Remember, only respond to direct questions with the shortest answer possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers. Texts with no question require no response.
If later she asks if you got it you can say "Yes"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Flew out for a job interview last weekend. Was offered the position a few days later. Negotiating contract details at this point. Quite confident that we will come to an agreement. Will amount to a 50% pay increase, an opportunity for greater autonomy, in a setting more in line with how I which to practice my profession. Will take me to a bigger city, with more opportunities for meeting people in my season of life and easier access to travel.
Through patience and introspection I thankfully have come to a point where I no longer feel the need to "flee" my current circumstances in order to find peace and contentment. But I do look forward to the opportunity for a fresh start. A blank canvas upon which to strengthen and deepen the positive changes that I have made amidst an unwanted and unforeseen situation.
I read something today that resonated with me. I think it goes to the heart of DB and I will share it here:
"Many bad things happen in life and it is a mistake to try to sentimentalize these moments away by saying that they must be happening to serve some higher good. But sometimes, when suffering can be connected to a larger narrative of change and redemption, we can suffer our way to wisdom. This is the kind of wisdom you can't learn from books. You have to experience it yourself. Sometimes you experience your first taste of nobility in the way you respond to suffering."
I am a modest person but I have allowed myself to indulge in the pride I feel about the way I have responded. I've indeed tasted nobility. And it's delicious.
W coming to town this week for what I imagine will be the final. She’s having the car ‘shipped ‘ to her new location. I’d guess the cost is major chunk of what the car is even worth. Not my problem though.
All the photos, cards, mementos, etc…that a few months ago I wasn’t ready to part ways with I have nearly packed and placed in the car. Time to let them go.
Continuing to do well overall but I’ve had a few down days this past week. W’s birthday was a major deal in her mind and something that was always well celebrated. Strange not to be involved. I imagine what the first Christmas could feels like. Allowing myself to feel down but not dwelling in it.
For all intents and purposes we’ve been separated for 7 months now even though she only moved her things out 3 months ago. No talk of divorce proceedings. I continue to stand for the marriage as I still don’t have a clear conscience on personally choosing to end the commitment I made 7 years ago. For now this is still her show; I don’t want to take over the director role. But at some point, if she continues to neither move towards divorce nor back towards our relationship it may become my responsibility to take that action. I can continue to go about my own life on my for now but I of course have no desire to be legally married indefinitely to someone who is no longer a part of my life.
W has not filed for divorce. It seems she still hasn’t even met with an attorney. She says she is certain it’s what she wants but she is scared to even think about acknowledging what he process entails. I asked her what’s holding her back at this point after having moved out months ago and she says she is “scared of knowing we won’t be together.” Quite the cognitive dissonance.
