Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New Day 3

Going through cycles of emotions. Deep sadness and lows yesterday afternoon. Got out for a walk. Intense workout. Invited myself over to friends for dinner and then we out to a hockey game. Met some new people, enjoyed community.

Been doing a lot of reflection. Clarifying my values and priorities.

Hello Rock

I am impressed with you journey. Discovering one’s values, and living those convictions, leads to a most peaceful life.

I do understand those emotions rising and falling, and the corresponding thoughts. Fortunately, you have a good grip upon your values, which make excellent headings.

Keep walking the path Rock.

Respect.

D

Thank you DnJ. Your example, guidance and encouragement mean so much to me.

It really seems like you've come along way and are moving in the right direction. Keep it up!

Thanks Joseph. I am on track and learning and growing and taking action.

The healing and saving of my M seem a a far way off but I’m hopeful that God is working on me and has good plans. Definitely open to adjusting my approach and honing my action plan.

Interesting day today. Been doing some reflection. This morning first thing, D said hey Dad want to go into town with me? I’m getting my hair done and we could hang out. I was free and jumped at the opportunity.

Soon after that, W called flustered and asked for a favor getting something she needed for her work day. I said that I could help at some point when I had time. W asked when. I said that I had plans with D and that I would let W know.

After I got off the phone, D said she was ok with us taking time to help W before her hair appt (there was adequate time). D and I got ready and once in the car, we called W to let her know and got the errand done and were in our way. On the drive into town, I was working through some emotions in my feelings towards W. D noticed I was sighing and asked if I was ok. I said yes I was just working through some emotions and that breathing exercises and sighing help me to regulate my nervous system. We discussed how we were happy to help W in that situation that it worked and fit for us.

D got to her hair appt. I went for a big walk and we met up after she was done (looked incredible). We went for coffee and had a great father-daughter connection. D planned to spend time with W this afternoon.

I’m very open to response feedback and input from this community. Upon reflection, I am happy that I had plans with D and prioritized those. D and I exercised goodwill, healthy communication and flexibility in serving W cheerfully. I worked through my emotions and responded authentically to D’s observations of that episode. I kept it about me and not W.

Planning to dig into my anger in IC this week.

Heading into the mountains for the day with eldest S! Cleared my schedule when he asked if I wanted to hang out!

That's fantastic! Have a great time!

I am curious what some of the veterans would say to this. As a newcomer it comes across as you being available to her beck and call or whenever she needs you. Why is she still calling you for stuff that is not about the kids? If you’re doing a 180 or detaching yourself from her. Should you be available to help? What were the odds that you would have said no?

Rock has to determine what "works" for him. Do more of what works and less of what doesn't.

One thing I learned after joining here is supplicating behavior from a man kills the woman's attraction. She looses respect for him and he lands in the friend zone. She even looses more respect if she is sleeping with other men and he knows about it, or is to ignorant to even know, and does nothing about it.


In a healthy relationship both people should be meeting each others needs with enthusiasm. The poster here are not arriving in healthy relationships. Different rules apply until we get to piecing.

Most of us guys arrive here with lots of Coopers traits. We need to drop the unattractive ones and learn many of Brads good traits.