Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wayward Wife help (2)

I think it was mtb1981.

Here are his threads.

Very WW.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2781000&page=1

He had earlier ones but I would start with this one.

There are other things more important, but I am going to address this:

This is a controlling statement. DO NOT TRY TO CONTROL HER. See how she says NO. Now what?

Again, you are trying to control her.

Who knows if she is attempting to bait you, but you have to leave her alone. Ya, smoking in the house [censored], but in the big picture, who cares? Focus on your 6yo.

I agree 100 %

The first words that came to mind were...

Stop playing the game....

Stop trying to fix her...

Stop trying to change her mind...

Stop trying to figure out what she is doing...

Stop trying to have a rational conversation with an irrational person...

Stop reitterating the schedule to her. Print that beotch out and hang it on the fridge...

This didn't break overnight , and it won't settle overnight.

There isn't any singular conversation that either of you will walk away from thinking ...ahhhh, that's the fix !!

Nor will there be anything you will say that will make her say....I really messed up. let' fix this...

It's small consistent actions of being a better person, doing things in a different way, that MAY one day turn her head around.

Until that time, focus on actually finding and being that person....


Tell me more about you Fwd....likes, interests, hobbies....you know, things that are just you...

FwdMvmnt,

You should document everything in the house. Walk through the house recording a video and take pictures of all the valuable items. Probably she's just destroying items with marital / relationship meaning, and if so, just let them go...but she also seems to be extra crazy compared to most so better to protect yourself financially. It'll only take you 20 mins or whatever. Who knows what it might save you.

Yes. Unfortunately "most likely" is probably underestimating the possibility.

Good! Keep it up.

Not sure it matters in your case - with your W's issues - but this may have been a missed opportunity for practicing some mystery and attraction. Instead of answering her factually/bluntly, what if you had smiled and said something like "wouldn't you like to know" with a wink.

She's been spending time texting OM in the bathroom, right? Maybe she's projecting her actions onto yours...who's he texting in there?

The weird part was that she was smoking a cigarette when she came in. I asked her if she could take it outside and she said no, I’m going to take a shower.

Good! Glad you know your rights. You better record a lot more considering your W's issues and actions.

Get an L ASAP.

Believe it. It happens. The faster you accept it and process what's going on the quicker you can protect yourself and your kids.

So R2C & Mach1 I had a different read here. She's being disrespectful. Didn't think it was inappropriate for FwdMvmnt to ask her politely to turn down her volume when she was disturbing him and D18's show or to not smoke in the house. Isn't that just common decency you'd ask anyone? To me that's different than controlling her actions - like cancelling the credit card probably was - but maybe to your point she's going to do whatever she wants anyway so maybe he shouldn't bother.

D,
Thank you for the post.
Her mom bought the airplane ticket for her. I will let her pay it back if she’s going to. I didn’t cancel the cards just locked them. Probably the biggest potential misstep I’ve had. Will ensure to pause before acting from now on. It really was just a simple request to go over the plans for the week, but is controlling. Not what I am going for.
The cards were reactivated that day. I’ve never restricted her finances, it was just that one purchase.
For Christmas, we will still all be there on Christmas morning. I told her I wouldn’t be at her families celebration and did not want her at mine. Not sure if the right thing, but also think it would be weird to be at each others with her stating she is leaving and 100% wants a D. Do you have any additional Thoughts?

Steve,
These posts are gold. Thank you for sharing them!

Ready,
Thanks for the post, I can see the point of letting it go, but both were asked nicely. I the shower one I should have let pass in hind sight.

Mach,
Thanks for the post. The reminders are crucial to read throughout the day. I have to continue to pause and think before reacting. My mind is filled with so much information I need to keep learning, reading and practicing.

Mach,
Sorry hit post too quickly. I have been pretty simple lately with my interest and hobbies. Until all of this I was really into Sports cards. Also, just hanging out with our friends int the backyards, going to watch live music and my W and family. Since then I have really renewing my faith, my family and work. I’d like to get back into cross fit or something competitive and try new hobbies, but not sure what yet lol.

Thanks BL,
I did contact some Ls today, have a consultation to cover rights next Monday. I hate doing this feels sneaky but cannot ignore the fact she said she was getting one and the emotional abuse comment. She also stated everything’s documented and everyone knows. So she’s obviously talking about this with who knows outside the relationship. I talk to this group, my sponsor and other men from my support groups, and IC only. Our families know we are in an in house separation and that she is in recovery for alcohol. I did have to talk to my parents yesterday and provide some details, due to her involving them, but did not bring up the SA issues my W has had.