You realize I'm a woman, right? It's always so fascinating to me when you guys start telling us women about what female attraction is or isn't.
LH is back so I'll leave this side of the board to him.
Discussing female attraction wasn't aimed at you, but Brandon. LBHs forget that commanding respect in these situations is paramount to just about everything else. Even if sometimes it is perceived as being a bit of a jerk. As stated, I prefer that over the over NGS so many of us default too.
Too be honest, I don't really assign a lot of import to the gender of the posters here, save the OP of the thread. Everyone brings a good perspective, and when there are disagreementsI prefer discussing them openly and without attack, like I feel was happening here. The thing that is so awesome about this forum is Brandon gets to hear those perspectives and decide how to proceed for himself. Bttrfly, I think your perspective here was great, even if I didn't agree with 100% of it! Keep helping the posters here, that's why they come here .
I sincerely hope the discussion caused no hard feelings.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm sure it's bad and I need to do better but I think W saw me being emotional in my office today. I'm sure that's not good.
Daughter was busy and I didn't do a good job at GAL. I did work out mid-morning but I tried connecting with friends as a way to get out of the house but didn't work out.
I feel like a damn baby but I just miss it being easy to go do stuff as a family. F***
In the 14 years we were together, my W saw me get emotional maybe once or twice. Since the BD, it has been way too often.
I know I need to do better. It's just really taken a toll on me.
Brandon, it really does take a toll and I am realizing that will go on possibly for a long time. Makes the concept on focusing on yourself and your well being that much more important for the immediate and for the long haul.
You realize I'm a woman, right? It's always so fascinating to me when you guys start telling us women about what female attraction is or isn't.
LH is back so I'll leave this side of the board to him.
Discussing female attraction wasn't aimed at you, but Brandon. LBHs forget that commanding respect in these situations is paramount to just about everything else. Even if sometimes it is perceived as being a bit of a jerk. As stated, I prefer that over the over NGS so many of us default too.
Too be honest, I don't really assign a lot of import to the gender of the posters here, save the OP of the thread. Everyone brings a good perspective, and when there are disagreementsI prefer discussing them openly and without attack, like I feel was happening here. The thing that is so awesome about this forum is Brandon gets to hear those perspectives and decide how to proceed for himself. Bttrfly, I think your perspective here was great, even if I didn't agree with 100% of it! Keep helping the posters here, that's why they come here .
I sincerely hope the discussion caused no hard feelings.
There are ways to command true respect that don't cross a line. That's the kind of respect to aim for regardless of whether you're dealing with a male or female errant spouse. We aren't trying to be our spouses' domineering parent, rather we need to demonstrate in word and deed that we are an equal who deserves respect.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Butterfly can you elaborate a bit if you don’t mind. This is so important to me and the other day when I had gently and firmly held a line with WW, she said I can’t treat her like a child. Then she became aggressive on the phone threatening escalating action against me.
I'd say that you did perfectly. You can always tell because they start to lose their minds even more when we stay calm and controlled. Some thoughts:
*Hold steady. When she starts escalating say the same thing every time: this is not productive and I'm not interested in continuing this discussion right now. Absolutely do not elaborate. The less said the better. A firm not going to do this now, and end the call, or walk away if you're in person.
*always act calm even if you're boiling up inside. you can melt down later when you're out of their sight/earshot.
*Do not allow yourself to get sucked into discussions you don't want to have.
* If it's something you would say to your kid for misbehaving, then it absolutely IS NOT something to say to your spouse.
Give me some situations and I'll try to give you an example of what I mean.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Butterfly can you elaborate a bit if you don’t mind. This is so important to me and the other day when I had gently and firmly held a line with WW, she said I can’t treat her like a child. Then she became aggressive on the phone threatening escalating action against me.
BF is a wise woman. When you do the right thing they get aggressive and start making threats. It’s going to make you extremely uncomfortable because you have NGS.
BF is a wise woman. When you do the right thing they get aggressive and start making threats. It’s going to make you extremely uncomfortable because you have NGS.
This x1000.
STBXW is angry because you’re doing a great job and she’s starting to realise she can’t bully you into submission with threats like she used to.
Last edited by DnJ; 12/11/2210:51 PM. Reason: Corrected quote syntax.
