I just like to go out with someone once a week for dates that last 5 to 7 hours. I'm happy to do it for as long as its fun and I prefer to do that with one person at a time. I'm willing to and do text in between dates. But after about 4 or 5 months of that, women ask where its going and there's a disconnect between my long-term plans and theirs.
Spiral
yup. makes sense to me! personally I seem to have become quite adept at "safe dating" but I don't even bother doing that anymore. Way more effort than I can muster. Plus for me that usually includes live music and there's nothing I really want to see right now touring in my area.
Interesting spiral. So basically, when a woman is ready to take it to a deeper emotional level, it’s not what you want, so it ends. Making you generally emotionally unavailable. But sex and fun once a week and fun flirty banter is all you want. Which of course is fine. I am curious as to how well this is communicated before by you in the beginning ?
So I guess that’s a part of my problem. I do want to form an emotional connection with someone. Eventually. And most men I meet are like you. Not quite like you, honestly, I would be totally happy with one fun day a week and some flirty fun banter in between. That’s reasonable and a good place to build. I don’t even have the capacity at present to spend more than 2 days a week with someone anyways. But yeah, I guess I am so far ahead, that I would like to see a progression at some point, and progression to me means emotionally connection and vulnerability consistency and caring.
Men/people coming out of a long term marriage/ relationship usually want to back out at that point and move on to the next. I’m just in a very different spot than most my age. It does stink for me.
A coworker got a call today that her son was robbed and killed in his dorm. Her and her husbands only child. Such wonderful people. Before I knew this coworker I knew about her son because a former coworker’s son was best friends with him.
It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. And it’s her reality. I’m sick to my stomach. This world has turned to sh!t
To answer your question, it works out just fine for me. I communicate it directly from the outset. I have found that women seem to prefer an emotionally unavailable man (at least in the beginning). But I think that many women think they can change my mind if I just get to know them. Along the way, some lose interest. Some don't mind since I was honest from the start. And one of them was definitely upset with me.
I suppose what separates me from many men is that I do love to play Fitzwilliam Darcy to her Elizabeth Bennet. Forgive me, but I'd rather not live a life without romance.
Horrible news about your coworker's son. I can't even imagine. My heart goes out to her.
Good decision on hockey guy. He's still legally married...even if his relationship really is 100% done he still has a lot of healing to do and isn't ready to be with someone.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Yeah, you are right. I don’t think he doesn’t mean well. He’s just not capable right now.
I have to think of myself first and foremost. This isn’t what I want in my life. I need to have more respect for myself. I am completely disrespecting myself as it stands. It doesn’t feel good.
I am so sorry about your co-workers' son. My condolences to the family. It just seems like people have no respect for human life these days and it's easier to rob someone than get a job and get paid.
I think you are doing the right thing by ending it with the hockey player.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
