Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Maybe, maybe not

Agreed! As posters though we try to give advice to eliminate people making the same mistakes over and over. G is not a FWB girl. Walk away from the guys who "need to be single".

We have our differences, but glad you're happy and doing well. Hope you don't spend too long on TemporaryGuy. I just dropped my TemporaryGal--she said ILY, I did not. I learn, lol. If we're open to it, we'll find our forever people.

Ginger1,

Glad you're back!

Congrats on doing well with the new position. It doesn't surprise me. Often times people are a little hesitant or uncomfortable with a change, but then when they take the leap and put themselves in the new position they crush it. It most be nice to hear that positive feedback...not to mention the 4% and 6% raises! My advice is in another year or two leverage that new position / salary into yet another new position with an even higher salary - studies show people who jump around get more raises and promotions and result up with higher income in the end.

I've nothing to add on the dating world topic, as you're far ahead of me in the learning curve there, but...there are two topics I'd love an update in on (if you're willing to share):

1) ExH's affair with OW/newW's friend - anything surface there yet, and how is daughter feeling about it?

2) Child support review with your ExW - even with the raise, I bet you're still owed double what you're currently getting. Only a few more years of it with your daughter's age....hope you get what you deserve raising her a majority of the time.

1) nothing has come of his affair. My daughter has decided to pretend it never happened. She actually doubted what she saw. Maybe for her own preservation ? I told her what she saw was real. I just want her to be happy and comfortable with her dad. And I also warned her she can’t ignore reality, and one day, reality will reveal itself. I also remind her that her dad loves Her very much and she is probably the one person he has truly known love for.

Yeah, the child support. I make a decent amount more than him now. How much more would I make per month? I still want to find that out without him finding it out. What I want to do is weight the price of peace of that makes sense? $50 more a month isn’t worth it. He watches my dog because he loves him . He did save money for my D’s college. I did not. I paid to raise her. And She also knows I don’t have money for her college, and when she graduates, she knows she will have a place in my home rent free to save money and build her life . Because quite frankly, that would have been the biggest game changer for me. I was 18, on my own, never had this chance to save a always struggling. Paid for my own college. I was discarded at 18. I absolutely refuse to ever do that to my daughter .

And thank you. It’s been a fulfilling difficult past 3 weeks. But I’m loving it. I don’t know where I will be in the next few years, but this position has really given me the chance to grow. Today we had an all staff meeting where I had to present a difficult contentious topic and apparently ( before me) this topic went over poorly. But today it went over very successfully. Everything I do in my life I do fairly and factual. And from experience. Today, it was respected and couldn’t be
Life is Anything but easy. But it’s good. And it’s good because I friggin made it good. I take all that credit .

One thing I will always shamelessly take pride in is everything I built against the odds and without the support. Statistically, I shouldn’t be this successful and I know this and I do not take it for granted

And thank you to those who welcomed me back.

I do think I’m going to crawl back into my peaceful world though. I was seriously content, contrary to one man’s opinion who believes he knows me so well.

It’s just not worth it

Ginger, I dont know crap about you, but you have experience to help others get through tough times. So, please stay..

Mach, I don’t have much to offer. My story is nothing like yours. I thing like many. I married a glaring red flag which I ignored due to my life circumstances. Married at 24, kid via IVF at 27, 6 months later he left me for his affair partner with whom he is married to this day.
I am now 42, daughter is 15, he’s cheating on this wife now.

But I guess if anything can be taken from my sitch is that it is survivable. I wished I was dead, but knew I couldn’t be because I had a baby who needed me. And she’s an amazing kid and our R is super strong. I love her more than life itself. My life has been a struggle and nothing has ever come without hard work, struggle and hustle.

But in the last 15 years I changed my jobs multiple times to accommodate my daughter. I furthered my education. I recently took a promotion which is HARD work. I mean HARD work. And I’m doing well although I just want to just lay down and sleep most days.

My love life never thrived. And I’m Ok with that. When I look at all I did accomplish, I’m Ok with failing at my love life and succeeding at my friendships, career, and most importantly, parenthood. Raising a child nearly single handedly since birth without really having any family help, or a mother myself and her being a fantastic human being is bigger than accomplishing any romantic relationship. We can’t be great at everything, right ?

My new job is going well despite it being very challenging and sometimes mentally exhausting. My counterpart started, and while she is a good person, she drives me a little nuts. She means well, but she’s exhausting. Right now everything is still in my hands because she doesn’t have the access she needs . Good news? I have had multiple employees tell me that my support has made them want to come to work, even though we are short handed and it’s been a challenge. I’m still called from my old job to solve issues. I also picked up some hours from my other job on the nights and weekend. Easy money. However, I’m working in person this weekend. I’ll be on 12 days in a row of work.

Tonight was a great night at a VERY high end restaurant for a small
Marketing dinner. However; this week was a rough week, because I went up on my dose of my medication and I’ve been sick all week. Bad vertigo and exhaustion. My kid who never worries about me said “ you better go to the doctor, you aren’t yourself “ she knows I’m usually a hustler and bundle of energy. And all I wanted to do was sleep. I’m feeling better finally today. I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday. But we had an “Olympics” fundraiser which was so much fun. I learned I’m actually pretty in shape. I came in second for the most sit-ups in a minute, typing the 23 year old man who was killing every single category. I also came in second for woman’s bench press. However, I might be the slowest sprinter , lol. Our team came in 3 out of 4, but personally,
I did pretty darn good! Out did the young skinny chicks too .

I’m literally all peopled out. Looking forward to tomorrow night. Just me. Gonna watch the hockey game with my dog and I couldn’t be more excited

Ginger1,
Maybe I forgot, but don't think I knew the pregnancy was via IVF. In some ways that seems to me extra difficult because it must've been a very planned out / intentional event in your marriage (as opposed to an unexpected opps where all of a sudden he's trapped)...and yet so soon afterwards he's running off with another woman. You lived it, so I don't need to tell you, but guess that just jumps out at me and makes your Ex's actions even worse in my mind than before, if that's possible.

Sound like LH’s types, did you get any of their number for him?