Ann, I have to admit to losing track of your situation a bit, but you are getting a lot of good advice here. I just wanted to encourage you to keep focusing on you and with time things will get better. This is a pretty messed up world we live in, we do not always get a say in the cards we are dealt. I wouldn't wish what is happening to you on anyone, but know there are people that support you and are rooting for you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's obvious that it has been difficult for him. He looks so much more skinny and generally unhealthy, but it is his decision. I understand and accept there is nothing I can do to change anything here.
Is it, really? “Difficult” for him? I sincerely doubt it. He’s not some tragic figure torn between his “true love” and shame at abandoning his pregnant wife and toddler.
Hahah, thanks,kml. I am sure that is what he is thinking to justify his bad behaviour.
Originally Posted by kml
He’s a selfish unfaithful idiot. If he’s looking thin and unhealthy, it’s either because OW is a terrible cook, he’s incapable of feeding himself, or I’d be just a little worried that he might be abusing drugs or alcohol. Does that seem like a possibility?
He has been depressed and lost lots of weight in the past, so that's one possibility. He doesn't drink or do drugs aside from anti-depressant, but he doesn't seem stable enough to appear that he's taken any.
Sounds like you are doing better AnnKay. A gratitude journal is a great idea…keeps you focused on the positive. One thing I would be grateful for is that you found out about your H’s character now and not 15 years from now.
Thanks, Dejavu! Every day is a new day, so I just try to make it better than the last. As for finding out (only) now that guess it is the just the way of the Universe. At least I found out now, when I have enough distractions (toddler and baby on the way) to help me go through it.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
You have the opportunity to build a better life for yourself and maybe meet a good guy later on when all of this is behind you and you’re ready to venture down that road again. I predict that you will look back on this in five years from now and, as the majority of us do, wonder why the heck you went though the emotional pain that you did.
I really cannot wait for this to happen. Maybe what also has helped me in my situation is the feeling that I am preparing myself with GAL, taking care of myself, 'clearing' my emotional clutter and focusing on my son (and unborn baby) for that time when I am happier and more settled. It will be great to find a good guy, definitely, but I am not fussed at the moment. All I know now is that when that day comes I know exactly what I want, and what I don't want from a relationship,and what I am willing to settle for and not.
Just reading your last post affirms that you’re progressing very well at learning to detach and stop trying to change things you can’t change.
You probably don’t feel great, and you can’t see this from inside your situation, but it’s fairly rare to see this rate of progress in most who come to the board.
Well done. Just keep taking it a day at a time, and concentrate on your detachment, acceptance and GAL duties.
Thank you, Kind18. I am still going through the ups and downs. Some days are more challenging than others, but I just learn to accept it is part of the process, own my emotions and let it go. I'm not sure again if this is 'normal' but I genuinely feel having a newborn coming has helped shift the focus massively for me. I really have little time in my day now to even think about MR, what with preparing handover, getting replacement for my role, organizing help, and preparing all the baby stuff before the birth. I also did some rough calculations with my Mum about what is possible/not for me moving forward, and it seems like the idea of owning my own property myself (without H) is not a very impossible anymore. I am in a sort of good place at least for the moment, although I am sure I still have some work to be done.
Ann, I have to admit to losing track of your situation a bit, but you are getting a lot of good advice here.
At times that is exactly how I feel too! So many things happening and so many things I have to catch up on.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
I just wanted to encourage you to keep focusing on you and with time things will get better. This is a pretty messed up world we live in, we do not always get a say in the cards we are dealt. I wouldn't wish what is happening to you on anyone, but know there are people that support you and are rooting for you!
Thank you! this is all I need to know, really. Not in a needy sense, but just in the comfort that I have support if I need it. I am extremely grateful for the time and advice I have received from everyone who have commented in this board. They definitely help to keep me sane in this crazy situation.
Hi Kml, thank you for reaching out. Things have been quite hectic these days. Easter long weekend was good as there was always stuff to do with friends almost all of the days. Some friends even arranged a special egg hunt for my son, which he was really happy about.
Unfortunately however, my dad's condition took a turn for the worse and he is in a critical state. Because I am quite late into the pregnancy, it is a little bit of a risk to fly and see him (he is overseas). My friends and family have told me to not worry about coming to see him, including himself, but I cannot help to feel sad and anxious about it. I had few nights of not sleeping properly, but I am grateful that my friends and family are there to support me.
On another note, the situation with my dad has further confirmed the sense of finality I feel with my MR with H. When I had a video call with my dad (something I do most days), he said he was too sad to look at me and my son (because of what my H has done). He also said how he was very angry at my H and do not want to take him back as his son in law. My dad is super pro-marriage and dislikes divorces, but seeing him so fragile and ill and still able to be passionately disapproving about how my H makes me feel more validated. Onwards and upwards.
How is your Easter weekend? I hope you had a good one.
I’m so sorry about your dad. Thank god for video chats. He’s right, you deserve better than H has done.
(My boyfriend died in December after a 3 1/2 year battle with lung cancer. He was diagnosed 3 months after we met.)
My Easter weekend was productive and quiet - I finished my taxes, older son who lives with me and I made gluten free eggs Benedict for brunch, I got a Covid booster the day before.
Take care of yourself and accept any and all offers of help from your friends and support network.
Hi Kml, thank you for reaching out. Things have been quite hectic these days. Easter long weekend was good as there was always stuff to do with friends almost all of the days. Some friends even arranged a special egg hunt for my son, which he was really happy about.
Unfortunately however, my dad's condition took a turn for the worse and he is in a critical state. Because I am quite late into the pregnancy, it is a little bit of a risk to fly and see him (he is overseas). My friends and family have told me to not worry about coming to see him, including himself, but I cannot help to feel sad and anxious about it. I had few nights of not sleeping properly, but I am grateful that my friends and family are there to support me.
On another note, the situation with my dad has further confirmed the sense of finality I feel with my MR with H. When I had a video call with my dad (something I do most days), he said he was too sad to look at me and my son (because of what my H has done). He also said how he was very angry at my H and do not want to take him back as his son in law. My dad is super pro-marriage and dislikes divorces, but seeing him so fragile and ill and still able to be passionately disapproving about how my H makes me feel more validated. Onwards and upwards.
How is your Easter weekend? I hope you had a good one.
AK, so sorry to hear about your dad. Never easy. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
However, sometimes good things can come out of bad things. And while I too am very pro-marriage and dislike seeing divorce, I can never fault a person for moving forward with D when their spouse is an unrepentant cheater. So seeing your start to strengthen through your dad is really nice to see. Keep being there for your dad, and then make sure you are being there for yourself too!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes, I think this whole experience is teaching me this fact.
Originally Posted by kml
(My boyfriend died in December after a 3 1/2 year battle with lung cancer. He was diagnosed 3 months after we met.)
Oh no, I am so sorry to hear this, kml. How are you holding up? Hope you are given the strength and peace to move forward from your loss.
Originally Posted by kml
My Easter weekend was productive and quiet - I finished my taxes, older son who lives with me and I made gluten free eggs Benedict for brunch, I got a Covid booster the day before.
I actually am looking forward to a weekend when I don't do much. I'm a little too tired to be GALing too much, I think. It is another long weekend here this coming weekend, so maybe I will just rest it out. Interesting that you are doing gluten free eggs Benedict. I made keto chocolate cake in the weekend for a friend and it was so good she actually could not believe it was keto. Maybe after the baby is born I will go all-out keto, if not for the weight loss but also for the healthier metabolism.
So many things happening and so many things I have to catch up on.