Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Core - Still Alive #7?

Well LH, I really came here to say hi and say thanks and here you are helping again. You're response reminds me of stories I read, about people in concentration camps who still found a way to be happy. If they can, I supppse we all can.

KML, I kept my thoughts and feelings cut short as I don't want this to turn in to a political or cultural battle forum or to divide up the posters here. I think we have a good mixed group here and all types of our vets seem to be here to help others, which I am happy and grateful for. What I said and what you said are true - I do sound old, and new music and movies are degenerate. Older generations are correct in that music has degenerated. It's not always bad, plenty of good rock music, metal, techno, rap but it has also degenerated. I listened to Eminem and Insane Clown Posse, and liked them however it still is degenerate compared to Beethoven. My complaint about the stuff of alot of it is a lot of it is purposely meant to disrupt culture. There are a select few putting the messages out, and controlling it. Thankfully a lot of impressive independents are countering it.

Also, thank you for the suggestions. The only way to hit my financial goals is a second job at this point. All my investments, 401k, mutual funds, savings rates, etc all tanked. I'm diversified and all tanked since 2021. I like time more than money so I'm not going the route of working more and am just accepting that I'll likely work till I pass. Thats ok, it is what it is, albeit depressing. The news is definitely awful, I stopped all mainstream as its almost all lies directly or by omission. I do watch some independents to help me to prepare and that's been helping me.

It truly is the cultural and political stuff thats the most bothersome and turning off the tv, doesnt stop it. My mixed kids have been taught to see race, my son is going to be taught sex ed in kindergarten and a whole plethora of other things that I don't like, in my own opinion. If the culture and my area want to change, thats ok. I still dont like it but the part that [censored] is being stuck in an area I disagree with on numerous fronts.

Hey Core, really glad to see you alive and kicking!
You were one of my first inspirations here. Dont remember why but THANK YOU for your help!

Hope you can change that mindset around, though I do understand where ur coming from.
"there are small goals I can strive for to keep any depression at bay."
This sounds good! Basically what I do. Try to focus on the short-term rather than long.

Recommend the latest book that I've read/heard.
"Subtle art of not giving a F@ck"

Wishing you well Core!

Hi Core. Nice to see you are still hanging around and hopefully finding some support on this forum. I concur with others that you sound depressed but I also agree that all of the things going on in the world make it difficult to see a good future for our kids. I am having a hard time with this as well. I think all you can do is look for the positives and do your best to be a helper and not a “hurter”…probably not an actual word but you get what I mean. Sorry to hear you are living in a violent area. That is an extra burden to bear for sure. Hope that opportunity you are looking for presents itself soon and your ex gets on board. (((HUGS)))

Core, your response completely confirmed my impression that you are depressed. But let’s talk about your investments for a moment - you do know, that if you’re diversified, you haven’t lost that money unless you pull it out of your investments? The market goes up and down - it’s never a straight line. You have a long time horizon. You shouldn’t be tying your mood to the swings of your retirement accounts at this age. I think the Mr Mustache site would help you.

DV - just because Core believes his state is violence ridden doesn’t necessarily mean it is. My state is a favorite target of right wing news, but our per capita homicide rate is below the mean, while the rates for Alabama, Missouri, Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas , Alaska, Nevada, Illinois, Maryland and South Carolina are the top ten. Yet if you watched these far right sites you’d think my state was a cesspool of violent crime instead of the lovely state it is.

Core - I suggest you look up per capita homicide rates. Just get the facts.

Btw Psychology Today has an interesting article on the music issue. Here’s part of it:

“ As I’ve grown older, I’ve often heard people my age say things like “today’s music [censored]” or “they just don’t make good music like they used to.”

So, what is it with old people and new music?

Older People Really Don’t Like New Music

We know that musical tastes begin to solidify as early as age 13 or 14, and that they get locked into place pretty firmly in our early 20s. Studies indicate that most of us stop exploring new music entirely by the time we turn 33, and if a song was released when you are in your early teens, that song is likely to remain quite popular among your age group throughout your life.

Curiously, men are even less likely than women to explore new music and listen to new artists as they get older.

Why does this happen?

For starters, there is evidence that the brain’s ability to make subtle distinctions between different chords and other musical elements gets worse with age, so new, unfamiliar songs may in fact sound more alike to older ears than to younger ears.

But I believe that the aversion that older people often have to new music also has a simpler explanation.

The Mere Exposure Effect

One of the most reliable laws of social psychology is something called the mere exposure effect. In a nutshell, this means that within certain limits, the more familiar we are with something and the more often we are exposed to it, the more we tend to like it. This works for other people, consumer products, and yes, even for songs.

When you are in your early teens, you probably spend a lot of time listening to music, discussing it with your friends, and watching music videos. The songs and artists who are popular during this time become familiar, comforting parts of your life.

For most people over 30, life is too busy to allocate much attention to discovering new music. Advancing one’s career and raising a family eats up most of the available time, and so we tend to listen to comforting old favorites that connect us to a simpler time and place. And with familiar songs, we can fill in words and sounds that elude us even when there is a lot of background noise or other factors that prevent us from hearing the song clearly.

Consequently, we prefer familiar music, and it is the music that we hear when we are young that is most familiar to us.“

I’m a lot older than you, but as a musician of sorts myself, I’ve never understood how people get stuck in the music of their youth and can’t appreciate new music. If I see a profile in OLD that states their musical preference as classic rock, I pass them by. I’m not looking for a man whose mind is closed, resistant to change and stuck in the past. And that’s what that says to me. Yes, there was great music in my youth in the 60’s and 70’s (which our parents labeled degenerate) but there’s plenty of great music being made now too. Go find it.

Hey Mumin! Yours threads is one I've lurked through off on and. What a journey, isn't it! I'm glad I could be of help to you. We had a lot in common in our sitches and I think that made things easier, to see the other alive and making it through. There's days where you really don't feel like you'll make it, bit we do and did so far.

Wishing you well, also and great to hear from you again!

I've been so bad about books lately. I should try to get back in. I stocked up on alot. The urge to self improve really died off for awhile here. Really once I got a grasp of whats going on in the world and from who, and an understanding of male and female nature I had a few months of actually and not subtly giving a ....!
I'm rebounding somewhat. I think we also come down from the high of mass self improvement from early in our sitches. After awhile of going at a speed of 100, I asked "why", and I stopped. Why improve? Lifes a bit more enjoyable but I don't want old wife, I don't want new wife, I want to live freely and die happy.

Dejavu, thank you and I missed the digital hugs given here on the board. What you said resonates with me and is something I try to do. Actually was just taking to others yesterday about helping more than hurting. Maybe I need to find a new way to help. For awhile I cleaned up trash and tried to beautify my neighborhood. It felt good but even keeping up on cigarette butts is quite the battle!

I wish it would rebound. It may not this time, the whole market is rigged as we saw with the gamestop debacle. I invested in some impossible to lose stuff and it tanked for a year straight, I finally pulled those during a slight rebound and through the $ at my mortgage. Most of our paychecks wont make up for the inflation hit and we all lost a chunk of savings and 401ks from the inflation. Some of the market will come back for those that got in to things around 2008, its been disappointing to say the least!

As far as the per capita rates, I get what youre saying. Im an analyst, I how how the numbers are played with, and tinkered. Factors are omitted, or the data is changed to push a particular narrative. What I go by is lived experience. I have family and friends who work in probation, parole, sheriffs. They closed 6 jails and budget cup the cops here. We are advised to avoid certain areas for car jackings. There are parts that the cops just dont even go to anymore. My own school had one shooting when I was in it and I was in a good neighborhood. I went to a church deep in the city and brought my kids and we were approached multiple times by not well to do people. The sidewalks were covered in feces and half the places were boarded up. Its pretty 3rd world in a lot of the area.

As far as music goes, I found that study you mentioned before, its pretty cool. Totally outside the point to the study however I see it validating the old adage of men marry hoping she'll stay the same, and women marry hoping he'll change. Men, we like what we like, no need to change. If we're content with something, we have no drive to ruin it or progress away from what works.

Lol ok Archie Bunker.