Thanks, Most High Priestess. The unfortunate thing for her right now is that I'm not fitting into the mold that her feminist side has of the basic man. You know, the one that has oppressed women for centuries, keeps them down today, objectifies them (okay, I do this a little bit, but only in a good way), pays them less for equal work, etc. What I am turning into, rather slowly, is a man that does what he wants to do, apart from her.
Hairdog - who went to his son's baseball game last night w/o W.
Are you starting the cult of Corri? I'm sure we can all bow to the wisdom and vision of this wonderful woman. I may be a postulant of another order, but that does not preclude me from belonging to another spiritual order.
HD, I find your wife's line of thought to be so wacky! She has this idea of what a "typical" man is and yet doesn't she realize that she is molding herself into the "typical" woman? Is this what she aspires to be?
Furthermore, I find her whole argument from the other day to be incongruent with the feminist ideology. For instance, men have forever tried to mold women into being more "palatable" to them, as opposed to accepting them for what they are. (by "men", I am of course utilizing a sweeping generalization which doesn't apply to all you wonderful SSM board fellas) Supposedly, they don't want women to work, to enjoy personal success, etc. They want them in a position that makes THEM feel comfortable--stuck at home with children, without the means or time to experience the world and perhaps find something better.
Which leads me back to your wife!! Here she is, treating you in the exact same way, Hairdog, and I just don't understand it. She asks you when you will stop "needing" sex and implies that this is something you will grow out of. In other words, she is trying to turn you into something that is more palatable to her. An emasculated man. Again, though, is this REALLY what she wants?
I just find her thinking process to be quite odd. As a woman, I can think of nothing more empowering than enjoying and pursuing sex for MYSELF. Not as a way to get or keep or please a man. I know that she is a feminist, but I believe that the focus on sexual dynamics as part of her feminist beliefs is nothing more than a way to keep da man down. lol Seriously, she is using this as a foolproof way to shut you up about it. I think the fact that you wouldn't give in while you were talking with her is excellent and I think you should even go further with this. All the while keeping up the no pressure campaign and being an all-around charming and lovable guy.
This will leave her alone with her ideology and she will soon see what she knows in her heart to be true--that sex a handful of times per year is not an acceptable way to run a marriage, regardless of whether you are a feminist or a chauvinist.
I hesitate to post my thoughts because I know it is a bit like the HD men posting on mine--I know that my thoughts can't be much help, as you and I are on the same side. You probably get more insight from the LD women who post here and I generally try to stay out of the fray and let them offer the advice.
But I just had to jump in here and say that no woman is going to desire an emasculated man.
Hang tough, buddy. You are doing great and really getting her wheels a spinnin'.
Believe me, HP, I too have difficulty figuring her out. She keeps on telling me that she does not have a low sex drive, she is just not ready to "share" with me until I am willing to accept "no" as an answer without any hard feelings. Kind of like, you can look at the menu, continue to be hungry, but until you can do so without salivating, you may not eat anything.
I really appreciate your input, and please don't hesitate to chime in when something I say hits a chord.
Hairdog - who had a taste of honey on his English Muffin this very morning.
Quote: She keeps on telling me that she does not have a low sex drive, she is just not ready to "share" with me until I am willing to accept "no" as an answer without any hard feelings.
This is messed up! Does she not feed your daughter if she doesn't pick up her toys?
By her own admission, she is withholding sex to punish you for bad behaviour. Is this acceptable to you?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
hairdog, I must respectfully ask you to refrain from saying things like "taste of honey". LOLOL
Whatcha tryin to do to me?!
P.S. I think that I would tell her that you are okay with rejection (cause I know you are) but that you are not okay with being rejected the MAJORITY of the time. Being rejected every single time but 4-5 times per year is your gripe, not that the rejection occurs--cause that is expected when there are two people with differing drives. I have to say that she is a master at throwing the sh!t back upon you! Don't let her get away with that..she knows that she is talking crap and she will not respect you if you fall for it.
Speaking for myself, I HATE it when H takes my sh!t throwing and calls me on it. Ooh, it bothers me so bad! But there is also something very appealing about it..him standing up to me. AND..it changes the see-saw effect from being in my favor to being in his. Just some food for thought. Sorry that it is not as tasty as an English muffin with honey, which btw is one of my favorite breakfasts..
Of course it's not acceptable. Especially when I insist I am okay with "no" but she says she REALLY knows that deep within my brain I am NOT okay with it. Yes, she's basically withholding to punish me...and she's punishing me based on what she thinks is going on in my head...and really, what this is all about is that she feels she cannot adequately address my sexual (read, "animalistic") urges either in frequency, in level of passion, or in (excuse me for saying this) skill. As I've said before, she is a perfectionist and is successful at most everything she does. She doesn't think she's very good at sex, and this is so personal that she would rather not even try to improve than put herself on the line and make herself so vulnerable.
I have to feel sorry for her. She is scared but would never admit it.
Hairdog - who hopes his son's baseball game is cancelled tonight because of rain.
Quote: As I've said before, she is a perfectionist and is successful at most everything she does. She doesn't think she's very good at sex, and this is so personal that she would rather not even try to improve than put herself on the line and make herself so vulnerable.
Wow, hairdog... that is a VERY important insight! That should inform your next moves. I imagine it might also lead to feelings of empathy on your part. Great going!
As I read your post, I was thinking that her behavior smacked of Marital Sadism, and perhaps it does, but I believe you're correct in thinking it comes from feelings of inadequacy. Now... what to do about it???
