Hey everyone.. Been doing alright. Ladies here are definitely flirtatious etc... Very nice.. But on a side note, I keep tripping up slightly.. See, my wife and I have known each other for almost 31 years. So, we have a tendency to talk, and just get lifes stuff done for the kids.. So, for example, my youngest is going to need some help getting to her boyfriends graduation from AF bootcamp. I told my daughter I would help.. Wife texted and said she would plan it out with daughter and work the costs out with me etc. Then we just started talking about other things, as if nothing has changed. So, how do you stop getting back in the normal lane and stop taking exits when speaking to separated wife, WAS? I get too comfortable when we talk and forget she is super sweet, ( genuinely to me) yet deep down I know our lives arent getting back together as a couple. Is this making sense. Feelings get triggered quickly, but I know she is way further down the GAL phase than I am...
Go back to basics and treat her like the cashier at the store. The cashier at the store is sweet too. But you don't over share with the sweet cashier at the store.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So Mach I think you need to think about self care here. If these talks are triggering to you then you need to cut it off after the kids business is taken care of.
If I were a betting man I would say you’re still trying to nice her back. Also if I were a betting man I would say you will end these kind of convos when a boyfriend pops up.
If the 31 years really means something to you then be friends with her with zero expectations. This kind of relationship is what is best for the kids.
SteveLW, 31 years is a long time to treat her like a cashier, but I understand...
I am not sure I said to do it for 31 years. Do it as long as it takes for you not to get sucked in. I mean unless you're okay with being BFFs. Up to you, but most of us weren't willing to settle for that. Some LBSs have ended up D'd, remaining friends, and then get the joy of her sharing about her new relationships. I'd rather be enemies than go through that.
Last edited by SteveLW; 10/31/2103:04 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Everyday is a learning experience, and every relationship is different. I am learning, trust me, and continue to accept constructive criticism from all..
Your children are adults now and you shouldn't have to communicate with your W to help them out, if you don't want to.
Originally Posted by LH19
If I were a betting man I would say you’re still trying to nice her back. Also if I were a betting man I would say you will end these kind of convos when a boyfriend pops up.
I'd put my money LH's take.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Your children are adults now and you shouldn't have to communicate with your W to help them out, if you don't want to.
Originally Posted by LH19
If I were a betting man I would say you’re still trying to nice her back. Also if I were a betting man I would say you will end these kind of convos when a boyfriend pops up.
I'd put my money LH's take.
Yes, I have a bad habit of being nice.. If I stop, I worry she will have no reason to talk to me.. Its a problem I have been working on.. Hard with the girls and grand kids living with her. If BF pops up, I will probably fade away....
If I stop, I worry she will have no reason to talk to me.. Its a problem I have been working on.. Hard with the girls and grand kids living with her. If BF pops up, I will probably fade away....
So Mach then what you are doing now is manipulation. I will be your friend as long as you don't have a BF. This is more of the PA behavior we have discussed in the past.
If I stop, I worry she will have no reason to talk to me.. Its a problem I have been working on.. Hard with the girls and grand kids living with her. If BF pops up, I will probably fade away....
So Mach then what you are doing now is manipulation. I will be your friend as long as you don't have a BF. This is more of the PA behavior we have discussed in the past.
Makes perfect sense. I have been watching my PA behavior, reading on how to be self aware and stop doing it.. I will stop. I have been paying attention. Birthday and Christmas is all from now on.. I am doing the best I can.
