Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, IW! Indeed there are many wonderful things in life—may you (may we all) notice the beauty that surrounds us and find some joy and comfort in in. Your post had reminded me I’ve been wanting to check out Ross Gay’s The Book of Delights. I am finding it delightful that someone gave it a one-star Amazon review with this note: “Too small for our needs.” On some difficult days it sometimes feels like this to me: that the small things (a swarm of yellow butterflies, a cup of hot tea) are too small. But I have found that noticing one small good thing leads to another and another. See? Your posts on forgiveness and focusing on the present already have me feeling more hopeful.
It has been some time since I posted. I have been spending this time re-reading my previous threads all the way through. And after doing so, for my own self-improvement, I have made the decision to remove them from the forum. It was not an easy decision, but I think it is crucial for my growth to do so. Continuing to live in the past will only inhibit the ability to forgive.
It is time to close that chapter and move forward. I've made my peace with the past - no sense reliving it
I'm not leaving the forum but it is time to shift my focus to what comes next. I want to thank all of you who have helped me and who continue to help me out. Words can't properly express what it has meant. Thank you all. I plan to keep posting occasionally here and on others' situations, and checking in from time to time. I also will keep sharing the many posts here that have helped me up to now - there are so many great posts here!
It has been some time since I posted. I have been spending this time re-reading my previous threads all the way through. And after doing so, for my own self-improvement, I have made the decision to remove them from the forum. It was not an easy decision, but I think it is crucial for my growth to do so. Continuing to live in the past will only inhibit the ability to forgive.
It is time to close that chapter and move forward. I've made my peace with the past - no sense reliving it
I'm not leaving the forum but it is time to shift my focus to what comes next. I want to thank all of you who have helped me and who continue to help me out. Words can't properly express what it has meant. Thank you all. I plan to keep posting occasionally here and on others' situations, and checking in from time to time. I also will keep sharing the many posts here that have helped me up to now - there are so many great posts here!
Hi LH good to hear from you. there have been no upheavals or changes. Part of me wants to say theres been small improvements, but it may be me trying to stay optimistic. A glance at my older posts seems to show a similar pattern. But things feel a lot calmer.
Maybe that's me changing too I don't know, I can't tell yet. I've been going through some rough personal and family history with IC recently. After some distance and reflection, issues with an MR that ended 2 yrs ago pale in comparison.
It is wonderful to hear from you. I'm glad you're feeling calm and working through so many different things. I really look to you in so many ways for strength and inspiration.
It is so interesting for me to read that you've made this choice, given some of the things I've been doing/thinking recently as well-- and I know this is something you've been working on for the last couple of months at least. I also have just read through all my threads, which on one hand showed me all the changes in my sitch, but also does have that side effect of rehashing the past. Just in the past week, I have felt an internal shift, a willingness to release the past, an acknowledgment of the current damage it does to spend all my time trying to remind myself of that pain.
Anyway, just to say that I really appreciate your continued posting. Are there thing you've done specifically (besides deleting your past threads) to help you along in this process? Also, I'd love to know about some of the things you're looking forward to as you shift your focus to what comes next.
Best,
May
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
It is nice to hear from you. I’ve been wondering how things have been going with you.
It is good to see you are at peace, and are not removing your threads due to painful triggering, rather a letting go and moving forward into your unknown and awaiting future. I find that similar to blocking a spouse on social media and such; it barriers a certain temptation to look. In time that temptation diminishes and fades; it’s a feeling after all, and those are fleeting when not reinforced.
A conscious, well thought out, decision towards self improvement is an excellent heading and new chapter of life. My friend, I believe you will find you’ve been writing upon those pages for a while now, the decision is actually to stop flipping back and re-reading and reliving the previous chapter(s). You’re well on your path, with noble and honourable headings.
You wisely mention reliving the past inhibits your ability to forgive. That is true. Hanging on to the past and the pain holds one hostage.
Letting go of the past, and the deeds of the past, allows for growth and one to find acceptance and forgiveness. And forgiving allows one to let go of the past. A rather circular path. One which reinforces its own noble intent.
Forgiveness, the intent: not holding a grudge, no need for personal retribution, no demand of compensation for emotional damages, it wipes clean the invoice against our transgressors that we carry within our heart, mind, and soul. Forgiveness, we willingly write “paid in full” upon the bill; emotionally letting go of the past deeds against us. It is very freeing!
Forgiveness does not mean you condone or support their actions or deeds. It requires nothing from them for you to find your path and forgive. To be very clear, it is us that pays that invoice. Our invoice within. It requires nothing from our transgressor because there is no way for them to actually pay it - it is our emotional debt.
This is top shelf spiritual path stuff. Walk in the light and welcome peace, serenity, and contentment.
I look forward to your next writings in what is sure to be an excellent chapter in an already excellent book of life.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
U - I will check in occasionally. Ill never forget the help you and others here have given me through the challenges of the past few years . I hope you are well
may - it was time to let it go. I hung on to the pain of all those posts for 2 years. I reread some or all of my posts eyvery time I visited this site. Thats enough. I tell myself that I was hurt badly, but I made it through that time. Living in it is toxic. It is also what my own parents did for decades after D and I do not want that. Time to let it go.
The most noteworthy thing I am doing is dealing with my past and PTSD in IC. It is not easy. Its also why I don't come here much right now. Its a lot to process. I'm having a rough time atm because I'm dealing with things I buried since childhood. The rough time will pass, but you have to go through it to get through it.
Doing that, and also continuing to learn how to think less, speak less, listen more, and live for today. I'm glad you're finding positive movement for you and in your sit. Keep going
D - I have been meaning to post to your sit for some time but have found myself at a low ebb. I have little emotional strength currently, but that will pass. But what you speak of here is very accurate. I have no need to be angry or to get revenge. What happened, happened. Stewing over it or planning ways to get back at S serves no purpose except to generate negative energy interactions and feelings. That doesn't make life better for anyone.
Forgiveness is not a goal, it is a journey, much like life. There are detours, highs, lows, and everything in between. The important thing is to keep going, stay in the light, and like you quoted to me once - be better, not bitter
