Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Moving on and growing. #6

So another question for perspective.
D3 has started to name OM a lot more when talking.
Basically included him in her family, as she sees it. (not as a father or boyfriend to XW though)
This is just part of the process, though really isn't all that simple to take in yet.
During one of these very happy babble talks she all of a sudden asked me if I like OM.

I try to be very attentive and really BE with my children during my time with them, but this one really hit me.
I totally neglected the question and just said "I love you". I didn't know what to say.
After I realized I couldn't have done the same thing if it was D6 and there may come a time when they want to talk about him and XW.
It's not like I can say I hate him because that puts the kids in the middle.
What would you guys have said?

Wow, sorry Mumin. I know that has to be tough. I feel for you. I'll let others that have been through it weigh in here, but just wanted to lend you some support here. I am sure once you have moved on and are living your best life post D, things will get easier for you.

You sound like an awesome dad though! Keep up the good work.

M,

I would say something like:
I am still sorting out my feelings towards OM.

You are not lying and shouldn't prejudice their view.

Thanks for the support and input Steve and LH!
Yeah it isnt easy to just accept it but I brush it off quickly in 95% of cases.
Tomorrow is our "going though everything in the house"-day and in a week she is finally moving.

You suggestion is very good LH, it hints that I actually have feeling but they are not ready to be shared.
I have been thinking an honest "I'm not sure. I dont know him".

I would say “ all that is important is that he/ she is good to you”

I’ve used this one and it worked well

Do you hate him Mumin? If so, why?

I was thinking an upbeat "I've never met OM, so I'm not sure"

Loathe, hate, despise whatever the word. Sure don’t like him.
Why I don’t like him should be obvious.

It's not, so enlighten us (I haven't read your full sitch yet, so apologies if he was your best friend or something like that and I've missed that),

Steeling this from hope:
We are dealing with people who are willing to destroy families, spend tens of thousands of dollars, risk the loss of friends, reputation etc. - all to fill the void in their lives. All to "feel" better. Caring nothing for the devastation they leave in the wake.
I don’t like those kind of ppl. I don’t like my XW anymore either.

But no need to dig there. I used to obsess as much about him as XW in the beginning but I am past that. This was about me talking to my kids and not putting them in the middle.