Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 26

Did he say KK why are you pushing me away? Let's talk about it?


Is that the kind of man you want to be with?


I'm pretty sure you saw it but you chose to punish him for his angry behavior.


KK I am sorry but you're really easy to read. You were trying to use the pilot to get your STBXH back. You even lied to your Step kids that things were going ok with you and the pilot.

Be congruent with your words. You want your STBXH to be happy. Let him go.

Again.....this is like putting a miniature bandaid.....on a severed limb. Almost all of the advice you will find, here and elsewhere, is very clear that GAL IS NOT going out and dating other people. Now, it is completely up to you to decide whether you want to follow that advice. But exactly what happened with the pilot is why it is a bad idea.

By the way KC, I hope you have a very good 2021! I am sure you are happy to see 2020 in the rearview mirror. ONWARD and UPWARD!

I did not understand the dynamic at play... I was wallowing in my hurt NOT realizing he was hurting just as much. I wanted/needed some support from him.

I realize now that if I had NOT pulled away and left him feeling rejected I would have gotten that support from him.

But, all of this is a mute point outside of accepting my mistakes and learning from them. NOTHING is bringing him back.


You're right... there was brief moment that I just wanted that sweet revenge. Eh, I'm human. I'm not really worried about it and I frankly I highly doubt my SS21 said one word to his dad about anything because I'm just not a topic that comes up when they talk.

Do I wish that STBXH could have gotten to a place where he would be curious about fixing our M - sure... because I think with the right tools it was all fixable. But, I'm no longer sitting over here waiting for that moment to happen. I've accepted it never will... which is why I'm trying to plow forward with my life though I know it appears I'm constantly tripping on legos!!!

If you truly believe and mean what you said here, this is good stuff.

You are very easy to read. So have you given up on manipulation tactics?

I would say 90% of the marriages here are fixable when two people are willing to fix it. It's not that it never will. You are just not patient enough. Plowing through life and taking innocent people along for the ride.

Patient enough???

And PILOT was NOT innocent... I'm the one that got burned in that plane crash. He apparently got what he was looking for... LOL.

I'm not religious. I'm spiritual but not really believing in God per say and I just had the most bizarre experience in my office with a client that I was seeing for the second time...

This is after I had a really bizarre moment on Christmas night...

If you believe in signs... these two just smacked me in the head.

Huh?? He got exactly what you advertised.... Unattached sex. When you started to renege and want more, he bailed.

KC I see a history of you looking back with hindsight that colors reality with a version you would prefer. Just an observation.

KK! Come on now! Were you lying to us that you advertised a casual
No strings attached relationship? Because if that was indeed the truth, the pilot did nothing wrong. He bowed out when it became something that wasn’t advertised .

And this is why dating is not living your life . It’s harmful to you right now

I've told you from day a minimum of 2 years probably longer.

Sometimes I feel like I am talking to myself with you.

Would love to hear what happened. I've never personally had an experience like that, but have friends that have. One was my best friend in college. She was driving home late one night in our small college town and was planning on committing suicide when she got there. She came across a car accident, a guy had gone off the road and hit a pole. Broken glass and plastic pieces everywhere. She stopped to see if he needed help, he told her he was fine and said "don't do it". She said "what?" He said "what you're thinking about doing when you get home." She just chuckled like she didn't know what he meant and asked again if he wanted her to call anyone (this was before cell phones) or drive him somewhere and he said no he was fine. She started driving home and was trying to wrap her mind around what he had said. She finally decided to go back and talk to him some more, went back (this was just a few minutes later) and he was gone, car was gone, no broken glass on the road, no evidence there had been an accident. She told me that story but was really scared I would think she was crazy, said she didn't want to tell anyone but it really freaked her out. I know other similar stories, weird stuff happens in this world.

Okay - it may be kinda long. Backstory. I belong to a support group who associate seeing a particular truck company to mean its God's way of sending you support for your stand in your M. They are not common around where I live but if I drive to a state to the north of me I may see one to two... AND maybe rarely one or two in my state. I always smile because it makes me think of this particular group and I wish them well but this is superstition at best and just kind of fun.

While in WA I was contacted by STBXH a couple of times so yes there was reason he was on my brain at times. We were staying 3 1/2hr from Seattle so anytime we headed that direction for the day it was a long day of driving... so I would be thinking about my H briefly and 30 seconds later would drive by this particular truck. Happened 4 times the week on vacation... again just superstition and warms my heart/makes me giggle.

SIGN 1 -

Driving home from the airport 11pm Christmas Day... dark and little to no traffic. I just received would would be (though unknown at the time) my last text from pilot questioning that it was odd that someone you are divorcing would give you ff miles... as I got that text I was thinking both about STBXH and Pilot... taking a deep breath and mentally asking what direction should I be going with my life.

Right as that thought is in my head I'm pulling up along side a semi truck on what was a low traffic night... and low and behold what trucking company??? Yup... the very one. I sort of giggle but in the dark as a round the curve with the truck on the right side of me then suddenly into view was a 40ft lit cross on the side of the road.

I went home and was like... well that's definitely a sign, but a sign of what??? To continue to stand for my M??? That its okay to move on??? Given where I feel my STBXH is I choose it to mean that I should move on and I put my focus on pilot.

SIGN 2 -

Okay this is ONLY a sign in hindsight so take it for what's it worth. Pilot's last text to me was when I drove by that truck Christmas Day. No warning... No explanation... he ghosted.

I didn't take this to be a sign at the time... I was still putting my energy into pilot.

SIGN 3 -

For background I live in a much bigger town. My STBXH now lives where he works which is an hour away. My MIL lives 1 1/2hr away.

I go into my appt with a client today who I last saw 6 to 12mo ago with another bird. When I come into the room and greet her she says... the bird is doing better and I almost didn't come in today but I met someone who knows you. Okay... THIS IS NOT UNUSUAL. I work in the town I grew up in. I see people who knew me when I was 4! People come in and say I go to church with your mom... I see your dad at XYZ every week. So I'm expecting this...

She says she was in the bathroom and this woman started talking to her. She started to mention to the woman talking in the bathroom that she had an injured bird and that she had an appt to take this bird to the vet and my client mentioned my name to this woman. This woman she was talking to was my MIL of all people. My client is at a small church in a small town 1 1/2hr from where I live and of all people to drop my name too --- my MIL. They of course continue to talk. What else they talked about I do not know and I did not ask.

This woman continued to state I only came to this appt because I needed to give you a message... do not give up. That was the message she had for me. What are the odds???

Please know my MIL loves me and feels that people are in her life for a reason. My STBXH has OW who I assume lives with him. I know attends all of his family functions and she is at MIL's house a lot. My MIL supports her son and certainly is nothing but kind to this OW in his life. She's never given me any indication that she feels anything other than she accepts her son is divorcing me. She has never been one to tell me to hang in there or he'll come around - that's not her. She just always says she'll pray for me and that she thinks of me. So I know she would not have told this woman to tell me "do not give up". And this client doesn't know me either - I've seen her twice now.

Its like the universe sent me two signs which I choose to look the other way so it made sure the 3rd one actually had my name on it.

I left that room with tears in my eyes.

IDK. Its all weird. YES... LH I'm sure you'll respond that I'm spinning. I don't think I am. Frankly my energy levels are low. I still accept that my STBXH is happy and at peace with his journey. He has not given one sign that I'm even on his radar... I accept that.