I'm further along than you and just wanted to pop in and say - no matter what, you WILL be ok.
It's painful, I know, and feels like it will always be that way but you will have better days.
Detaching, to me, is a process involving a choice I have to make each time I have a thought about X. I choose to remember all the things I miss (a lot of fantasy, because he wasn't honest with me and had a lot of issues) or the things I refuse to allow in my life (adultery, lies, etc.).
I moved out of my beautiful marital home on October 25. One of the most difficult things I had to do, but once removed, I focused on my life. I was in the process of training for my new career. It kept me busy! That was Perfect!!
I realized that once I decided to focus on my goals, I thought about him less and less. He would reach out and text randomly and eventually, I blocked him.
You could not have told me a year ago it would be my choice not to talk to him.
Once I was out of the home, I had time and space and the peace to reflect on what I wanted in life. I didn't want to worry about who he was texting, flirting with, intimate with etc. I no longer wanted to be in our old MR. I loved him, but I started being real about the life I had with him.
You will be ok. When you start taking your life in your hands and let go of the fear of losing your M.
You are not alone. I'll try and check in as often as I can. Big hugs.You can do this.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. It's been 3.5 months since we separated. I too will have to move out of my home as soon as I am financially able to do so. After 21 years together I feel like I am losing everything. Every day is an emotional struggle. Please continue to offer advice. I will especially need it after I return home on the 22.
