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Scotty B,

Now that the holidays are over I think it’s really important that you remove your STBXW from your life as much as possible.

I find it odd she won’t pick up presents when your home but she sleeps over on Christmas Eve.

You’re doing well so keep moving forward.

LH - I read your post and i wondered is “keep moving forward” the best way to preserve myself or is that the best way to get my wife to comeback, or both?

She sent me a text yesterday to let me know her house has a flea infestation. She didn’t ask for anything. I just text her back “That stinks.”

Later in the day I text her that i was going snowboarding tomorrow and said if the kids wanted to go i would take them. She asked them and my son wants to go, so I’m picking him up in an hour. That’s going to make today a great day.

Scotty B,

It’s a way to preserve yourself for what’s next to come.

You’re settling into the friend zone with her. Again, not a bad thing if that works for you.

You might want to keep an eye out in your place for fleas. She she stayed there and presumably brought an overnight bag.

I’m hanging out with my son today and I’m just thinking I hate this whole thing. I won’t, which is why I’m putting it here, but I just want to tell her that. A marriage is about more than husband and wife. It’s about kids and family. It’s horrible that my kids can only see us on “our days.” This whole thing [censored]. No reason for it.

When i picked him up she invited me in for the first time.

But When I dropped him off and she wanted nothing to do with me. That makes things easier unfortunately.

So Scotty B your STBXW says your right Scotty marriage is more then h and w. But I don’t think I can ever love you like a w loves a h but since I made a vow I will stay with you. I do not want to have sex with you and I will be miserable all the time.

Does that sound appealing to you?

Or

You build an amazing life that attracts like minded amazing people and maybe your w realizes her fantasy life isn’t that great and begs you to come back.

Hi Scott,

If it’s not already in your divorce / custody agreement, consider adding that the kids may call (or video call) either parent at any time. My kids can “see” either of their parents anytime they want to.

You’ve been doing a great job finding your groove.

At some point it gets smoother. I spent a week with my kids celebrating Christmas by chopping down a tree, baking cookies, shopping for gifts, watching movies, etc. Now I’m spending a week visiting 5 national parks, 2 with my gf and 3 solo.

My marriage with my ex-wife is over. Our relationships with and responsibilities towards our kids endure.

That is not a good tactic to attract your wife back.

A bunch of other of your behaviors are also not very good tactics to attract your wife back. You are headed into the friend zone. This is not a place where you want to be either.

Do you want this woman as a lover? Then you have to treat her different. You can never go back to Scott 1.0.

This is all about Scott 2.0. IT is all about your behavior. Do your homework and change your behavior.

I am never bored. I have so many things I want to do or learn. I am sure your bedroom (as well as the rest of the house) need a good manly make-over. Start there if you don't have any other ideas what to do when you are "bored" which might really be lonely.

R2C - I agree I'm heading into the friend zone. I'm not sure how to change that. Homework you recommend is entrepreneurs in cars?

As for never being bored, I don't know what to tell you. I keep pretty busy but sometimes, its later at night, nothing is on TV, I'm too tired to read and I'm looking for something to do - that's a tough time for me.

Last night I did go to dinner with a friend but it ended early and then I had nothing going. Good news, he did invite me on an offroad motorcycle trip in August, so I'm hoping to jump on that.
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Today we had another mediation session. My STBXW brought up some parenting issues, which IMO should be discussed in counseling, not mediation. It was interesting that our mediator pointed out to my STBXW how she was attacking me instead of talking to me - I wish we had a marriage counselor with the guts to point that out.

The mediator also told my STBXW on three or four occasions that she couldn't tell me what to do at my house or with my time. I was amused by that as well.

Mediation took it out of me this morning. I've got the kids today and didn't have much for us to do. Tomorrow we're going skiing which will be fun.