thanks for letting me know that I am not alone. Somedays, I think that I am just want to believe that he loves me and to get back together, that I just don't see that maybe he doesn't want to get back together. Deep in my heart, I feel that he just would not do everything, if he didn't want to get back together. I mean remaining friendly for your daughter's sake is one thing, but what we have been doing is beyond the "call of duty". but yesterday, I kinda did a bad thing. D was going to stay with me, but forgot clothes to wear to school for today, so while she was at dance, I went to ex's house to get the clothes and he was not home and on the kitchen counter was his phone bill and I know here comes the 2 x 4 and sure enough, he had called the tenant 's house at least six times during last month, the longest call was 18 minutes and on one day there were like 4 one minute calls placed. I know it was wrong and maybe there was something that was wrong or needed fixing, but the calls were like a 9 p.m. Ex told me that he doesn't want to date anyone or introduce a new "woman" in our d life until she is 18 yrs old. Now that is 5 yr from now and when d is 18 we are going to sell the 2 family because that money will be for d's college. then the tenant will not be his tenant anymore. and our d already knows who this woman is so really she isn't anyone "new" in her life. I wonder if this tenent will do the phone friend thing and wait until our d is 18. now listen to me I know I sound crazy, but somedays I feel like a fool for dbing that its for nothing and other days I feel in my heart that some days we will be together. I JUST DON"T KNOW!!
Well, I was right! actually I went to pick up d at ex's house so that we, meaning me and d could go on a bike ride. When I asked d, ex says oh sorry I can't go, I'm going to mow the lawn. I felt like saying, I didn't ask you. It is so hard to even try and detach at this point. then he said well, when you come back, maybe we can try to see the harry potter movie. then we looked at times and decided that it would be too late to go. I am trying to only speak to him about basic stuff, so far I'm not doing too well, trying to act 'as if" but when I see him, I just start talking and talking.
well, had my d overnight last night and after ex's bike ride, so drove by to see daughter, which he informed me on my answering machine. Why do I get all nuttie when I see him, yeah I know I love the guy, but I have to learn to detach. He came to the apt and I was asking how is ride is, did he want anything to eat, etc.. but he did go for the glass of water. He told me that he was going to the tenants to mow the lawn and then get a hair cut, though he probably get a haircut first (to look nice for tenant) but I don't know why his was telling me about his plans. I guess when he comes or when I see him I should start thinking other thoughts so that I don't talk too much to him.
