On the L and D-- I remember you saying before that there were complications to getting divorced in the country where you live now-- are you still worried about that?
It is still tricky, but I've decided to hand off all financial negotiations to my L now. I don't know, even if I don't get everything financially that I deserve, I might still want to move forward with D anyway. I really don't want to spend another breath arguing with this man about anything. My time is too precious. My life is too precious.
A side note - I've started watching Workin' Moms on Netflix and I absolutely LOVE the show!!!
Just a quick vent. H & I have been relatively cordial. He's sending me less and less money each month since he cut me off in July, but I'm not going to fret about it. Letting my L handle that part.
He emailed me tonight and said regarding to the transfer of money - "My continued cooperation and flexibility is running short."
and 5 mins later he texted me and asked if he can come over and help with our Halloween party this weekend. "Anything I can bring?"
what. the. heck.
Anyways. I'm meeting a friend tomorrow. Her H works with my H, we were close but drifted apart because H hated her H (surprise! he pretty much hates everybody). I suspect that she's heard something thru the grapevine so is reaching out to me, which I appreciate. I'm happy to be free of H's emotional and social baggage that I can revive some of the old friendships that were lost because of him.
Sometimes I look back and I am so grateful of H's BD. It really changed my life for the better.
I'm meeting a friend tomorrow. Her H works with my H, we were close but drifted apart because H hated her H (surprise! he pretty much hates everybody).
My exH didn't hate everybody, but he pretty much only wanted to hang out with the people HE wanted to hang out with. If I liked a woman friend but he didn't think the husband was "cool" enough, then he wouldn't do things with them as a couple. I've made many good friends since my divorce that wouldn't have been my ex's cup of tea.
He emailed me tonight and said regarding to the transfer of money - "My continued cooperation and flexibility is running short."
and 5 mins later he texted me and asked if he can come over and help with our Halloween party this weekend. "Anything I can bring?"
(eyeball roll) MAN. He is the king of passive aggressive behavior, huh? I wonder how he justifies this in his mind. Or... who cares. Although a part of me wants you to text him back in response to "what can I bring?" -- "your continued cooperation and flexibility would be great. TIA!"
M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
(eyeball roll) MAN. He is the king of passive aggressive behavior, huh? I wonder how he justifies this in his mind. Or... who cares. Although a part of me wants you to text him back in response to "what can I bring?" -- "your continued cooperation and flexibility would be great. TIA!"
What didn't I think of that?! That's ingenious!!!!
Wooba, so it sounds like you've been having quite the party with WH in my absence. Dear lord. Well you sound really good. Really grounded. And like you're weather this storm with just a plethora of grace. Also Working Moms is just fantastic isn't is?
I told H he is welcome to come to our Halloween party. Given that our recent in-person interactions have been fine, I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Although for a split second I did wonder whether this would be a good idea. (should've listened to my gut feeling)
H came. brought chips and candy like I asked him to. the kids were playing. and he started talking to me about the divorce. "How much money do you need for the kids' living expenses?" I didn't answer. He kept talking and pressing, "What's take your attorney so long?" I looked at the kids by us playing and I was getting really uncomfortable. I said, "I didn't have you here to have this discussion. If this is what you want talk about, I think you should leave."
This is where it got hostile. H said, "F you!" "This is MY house, I'm not going to leave!" I said, "YOUR house?" He said, "Yes, the lease is under my name. I'm merely extending the courtesy to you to live here."
I didn't say anything. I was upset and shocked by his behavior that I had no words. I think I was more shocked my naivete. Why did I expect that he would behave like a reasonable man?
He kept talking, trying to turn things around. "It's been difficult for me, I keep finding myself in polarized positions....It's really emotional for me to see the kids, and to see you. I was telling [friend] that I still love you, and I will always will............actions speak louder than words."
Me: " Yes. You cussed me out."
I don't even remember what else he said, but eventually he said, "If you want me to leave, I will leave." Me: "Please leave."
Then he got up, looked at the kids, and asked me, "Should we have the kids vote, see if they want me to leave?" I said, "I don't think that's a good idea, they have their friends here also." H: "How ugly do you want this to get?" Me: "I don't know. You are responsible for your own actions." H: "Yes, and YOU are responsible for your own actions. You asked me to leave."
Ultimately he left without making things worse. He said to me, "I'm sorry that I was not on my best behavior tonight. I am really stressed out."
I was shaken up and couldn't hold back my tears for a few minutes while all of this was going down.
M