Okay - yes he needs to sign form once its filled out. We have to agree on valuations - if we are in agreement one less hurdle to jump.
The meeting was to write down what are agreement is - his proposal for settlement. Discuss some round numbers and then take to atty for review and it she agrees it heavily favors me to write up proposal.
Again - he acts as if he is going to leave me the house and make no claim... that's a big win for me, BUT I don't want to take that to atty and then have him turn around and say he never said that. Meeting in person and writing it out makes that less likely the case.
This is not fun - the more work I do... the less I'm paying an atty by the hour.
I'm under no delusion that this meeting is going to turn him around. I highly doubt he will even make eye contact. I don't want him in my house and will meet him somewhere public.
I haven't seen him in 2 months.... that thought does make me sad in general but I'm not looking forward to this AT ALL. I'd prefer to keep my head in the sand. It is what it is.
On other news ---- another big 10 school is turning its students home. I just moved in S19 and classes start on Monday. I'm extremely concerned. Mostly because I don't want to turn around and have to move him home. Frankly it would break my heart. Poor kid was robbed of a lot of senior year moments and now to have his freshman year of college to be in the same heap... heartbroken.
But, I've kept in touch with S19 via text and he even called last night. He sounds in good spirits and has been exploring campus and participating in activities geared toward new students. I'm so happy for this experience for him and I hope it doesn't get cut short.
In other news I have a separate atty to deal with S19's dad on college costs... UGH. Court date was rescheduled from last month to this Thursday. I'm hoping we can get the numbers agreed upon between attys.
So yes I've forked 2 huge retainers for 2 attys.... 2020
Truthfully KK I don’t have a problem with you meeting with him and getting it done. What I have a problem with is the game playing with the texts. Responding in three words, 18 hours later etc. Just get the fuching thing done so you can start moving on. Take the lead and show you are done with this bs or let him do everything. This in between stuff is very weak.
Truthfully KK I don’t have a problem with you meeting with him and getting it done. What I have a problem with is the game playing with the texts. Responding in three words, 18 hours later etc. Just get the fuching thing done so you can start moving on. Take the lead and show you are done with this bs or let him do everything. This in between stuff is very weak.
I get that.
Per everyone's advice I muted his texts so I often do see them until hours later. Then I try to take my time after reading the text before responding so that its not an emotional response. Makes sense and is to the point.
The ball was again left in his court --- need to find meeting time.
Your right he is just not functioning even on one cylinder - his response was "I don't get off work today until 11am".
^^^I didn't ask when you get off work. I asked for a meeting time....
So I'm going to reply Sunday X Time. I'm done with the back and forth. For someone who accused me of being controlling (and I admit I was) I'm trying to not behave in the way he expects me to and let him take control... and he dumps it right back on me.
Does he even see his own actions??? That is a rhetorical question. If he took the time to introspect he would see that he clearly never wanted control... and his anger about me being controlling is stemming from something else. If I had to guess it would be from him burning the candle at both ends with working 12s and never a day off in addition to the commute - feeling exhausted and feeling like he is getting no where due to no social outlet. But, I'm no therapist.
Honestly, the longer this drags out the less I want to see or deal with him.
I still see no reason to meet. You use the excuse that meeting things can be established so that later he can't say he didn't say that. HUH? Sorry, but only written word (IE EMAIL) can establish that. He can SAY whatever he wants in the meeting, what is in WRITING is what matters.
Put the numbers into the disclosure. Send for his signature. And stop playing these "we have to meet to sign" game.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Per everyone's advice I muted his texts so I often do see them until hours later. Then I try to take my time after reading the text before responding so that its not an emotional response. Makes sense and is to the point. .
Interesting how you cherry pick advice you are going to follow. Usually when it is line with your agenda.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Does he even see his own actions??? That is a rhetorical question. If he took the time to introspect he would see that he clearly never wanted control... and his anger about me being controlling is stemming from something else. If I had to guess it would be from him burning the candle at both ends with working 12s and never a day off in addition to the commute - feeling exhausted and feeling like he is getting no where due to no social outlet. But, I'm no therapist..
I'm not a therapist either but here are my thoughts. Woman typically don't want control of finances, vacations, security, fixing things etc. They want to the man to take care of it. When they don't and the woman has to take it over (perceived control) the resentment builds. Couple that with your OCD/Narc traits that nothing he ever did was good enough and he most likely felt emasculated and unappreciated. OW comes along and KK is expendable. The truth of the matter is if you are honest with yourself you were not happy either. Your relationship was very toxic. You just feel safe with stability are more afraid of the unknown.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Honestly, the longer this drags out the less I want to see or deal with him.
I'm not a therapist either but here are my thoughts. Woman typically don't want control of finances, vacations, security, fixing things etc. They want to the man to take care of it. When they don't and the woman has to take it over (perceived control) the resentment builds. Couple that with your OCD/Narc traits that nothing he ever did was good enough and he most likely felt emasculated and unappreciated. OW comes along and KK is expendable. The truth of the matter is if you are honest with yourself you were not happy either. Your relationship was very toxic. You just feel safe with stability are more afraid of the unknown.
I didn't mind doing the finances and family planning. But, he became resentful???
I always appreciated how hard my H worked, but I will admit maybe he didn't feel my appreciation. I showed appreciation by keeping a clean house, meal cooking, laundry. In hindsight, yes those things were important to him but his love language is physical touch. That's where I should have been focusing but so stuck in my own head.
Regardless my H did feel emasculated, rejected, neglected, trapped/imprisoned. Right or wrong that is how he felt.
I understand how he feels. I accept how he feels. Maybe one day he feels differently.
I do realize that I'm not doing my head any good staying in contact with him. I'm signing up today for a workshop in an art studio. I need to get out of the house and focus on other things. I will be getting back to work tomorrow and after being gone for several days I will have a pile of charts on my desk.
I think you would do yourself an incredible service if you stopped referring to him as "my H". I know your brain doesn't want to grasp the reality that he is no longer your H, but he isn't. Even if the state you live in still LEGALLY recognizes him as such.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm feeling so stressed today --- on going negotiations with S19 father for college.
Just got email from atty. Had to respond. Court date is tomorrow. I foresee some additional back and forth happening today... its this hurry up and wait that is making me nauseous.
The stress of that these kids could be sent home at any moment.
