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Hey Indy

Im ok 70% of the time! And when my emotions start to rule (im a woman after all) i recover much quicker now.

Work is going good, boys and i are away for 2 weeks to see my family, good times all round.

This is all new territory, so im not always sure on rules of engagement!

I was reading your thread and loved all the advice, you must be younger than me too (34 here) and i feel young and certainly dont feel like my life has ended. You should almost feel relief that the universe has freed you from the person your wife is. You dont have kids, lucky escape. Kids is always complicated and very emotive for both parties.

Gigi,

70% is pretty good. Be proud of that.
I'm glad you're doing good and it seems like alot is going well. So glad to hear it. Work, your boys, family, All awesome things to enjoy and focus on.

I'm very lucky to be getting all the advice I've been given.

You're not too much older than I am. Im 28 and never would have imagined I'd be in this sitch at this age(or any age). I think at this point for me its more of missing what was, I dont really have an urge to reach out to my wife.

Thanks for the encouragment Gigi and I'm glad you're doing good.

I know that feeling of being replaced all too well Gigi. It [censored] but it is just a feeling...not the reality. My MIL and I own our home together. She lives in a suite downstairs and I am upstairs. She and I talk almost daily and even went on vacation last year with my kids. It is a difficult situation. She loves her son and she wants to support him. I know she wishes he had stayed married to me and we had worked things out but once that decision was made, she really did not have a choice but to get to know OW and try to make the best of the situation. I don’t begrudge her that and I definitely don’t take it personally. She can have a friendship with OW and with me too. And there is one thing that I will always have over OW. I am the mother of her grandchildren.That makes me irreplaceable...just like you. (((HUGS)))

Wow! I mean i feel sorry for the ow, she will forever be looking over her shoulder!

Its admirable that you and mil have managed to keep your relationship. I would very much like that, and as the boys live with me and have done for the past 5 months nearly since H decided we are done, the only time she gets to see them over FaceTime is when i ring her.

Our relationship doesn't need to revolve around her son anyway! We get on really well and we dont even have to speak about him.

I have been thinking a lot recently and whilst i dont like the person my H is at the moment and i know and feel that my life is continuing without him. Im also committed to my marriage whilst we are still married.

Time will put everything right.

Hugs to you too.

Core values are crucial, and I am glad to see you sticking to this. Many a LBS has decided to get even with their lying, cheating WAS by going and having their own fling. It never works well because the only thing worse than 1 problem SO is 2 problem SOs. And trust me, the new fling would be a problem because you are no where close to being in a place where you could actually start something new and fresh.

Now one thing I hope the above doesn't mean is that you will never go file for D yourself. The reason I say that is that WASs are notoriously lazy when it comes to the actual D. Most of the time the LBS finally gets fed up and tired of waiting and goes and files.I am a pretty conservative evangelical and stoutly anti-D, but even those of us with that belief system make an exception for adultery. No one would blame you one iota for filing for D after what he has pulled! And even if someone did, they'd be objectively wrong in their blaming.

We are here for you Gigi! We support you and are willing to help you with any questions you may have!

Thanks Steve

Like you i dont believe in D, however i recognise that in 7 months (it will be a year since he said he is done) this is something that i will have to consider. And im open to doing so if it feels the right time.

Im so not ready for any type of relationship even just an emotional one, and i feel that im learning to be happy by myself and not rely on someone else full filling me and its working out well for me.

I do have a question re wedding ring, i took mine off but i feel like i have done under pressure some time ago when H said well u are still wearing it so u still have hope and basically he doesnt want me to have hope.

Now that i feel so much better and calmer i feel like i should be wearing it, im married, i have nothing to hide, this isnt a sign of hope in any way its just something that feels right to me. But feels a bit off backtracking and that will probably raise some questions from him which i dont know how i would answer.

I recommend wearing it until such time you are no longer married. I would have responded to what he said about you have hope:

"Hope or not, I am still married and will continue to wear my ring until I am not."

This is WS mentality: "Why are you still wearing the ring? The marriage is over!" Always stick to your core values no matter what the lying cheater says, thinks, or feels.

Thank you Steve!

Its amazing how things are much clearer from a place of calm. I know im not 100% there yet, but i so feel like life is good and great things ahead with or without him.


I will stick to my core values, whether he likes it or not.


I can imagine the shock on his face and the brain going when he sees the ring back on my finger.

Went to see H brother and his fam today, it was wonderful and so normal.

Yes we did inevitably talk a little about H, but mostly convo was light and non related to him. Kids had a great time and i feel like i could maintain a relationship with them that wouldnt revolve around H, but would be more around cousins seeing each other and spending family time.


They know very little about the situation and i tried to keep it as generic as possible when they asked questions, as i dont want to speak badly of anyone. So i concentrated on me and my plans rather than on the mess that is around me.

Feeling good today and 2 days left till our holiday with the boys!

I have a question re finance.

We both work so it has always been a matter of just putting our wages together and oaying for everything that needs to be paid for. We have a joint account that was meant to be savings, but it has become just an expenditure account.

So in really careful with money, as i want to make sure that we are financially stable with the boys, however his spending is crossing all boundaries.

He has also started paying with the card, which means i can see where he has been and what the money has been spent on.

I need to approach the subject without conflict, any ideas?


Im just not prepared to watch him spend my wages on taking the ow out.