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Kit kat its tough isnt it.

My main worry is always the kids, the lie that im telling them now and the devastation this will cause. H doesnt seem to see this, he was all it will be fun for them you know they will have two bedrooms and Two sets of toys. Like he isnt considering the emotional impact on them.

Apparently the ow is t that keen that we still have so much stuff thats joint. So i can imagine he will want go seperate as many things as possible as soon as possible.

Good job on validating and listening!!! Its hard not to defend... seriously hard. But, the more your H feels heard the more he will probably open up to you and be vulnerable.

As for no mention of D... he is likely taking baby steps. He had no idea how you would react to his convo. If you truly acted as if and validated it probably confused the heck out of him as he was expecting a kick back.

Good for you looking to a future with options!!!! That can be so very hard to do in these situations.

They say the fastest way to get someones attention is to remove them from yours.

Keep up the PMA and loving those kids. Focus on you because that is where attraction lies. You got this!

I was very reasonable with him, the only thing i sort of out my foot down was finances!

Everything else i just nodded and said yes, i understand how you see It this way yes i hear you.


He has said about d before and i said to him that if he needs to go and do that then thats fine. So he knows thats on very reasonable and calm.

Although i had a good cry when he left. What a mess all of this is!

And the strange thing is i dont even want him! As in the person that is in front of me now. I want my husband, but not this bloke.

I went out for a bit when he was here. He also txt asking if it was a good chat or difficult? Not sure what do i say to that really.

I wouldn't say anything.... he is looking for relief of his guilt.

I think you did a very good job of making sure he knows the cage door is open and he is free to go... you will be fine with or without him

^^^^^ That is what makes them start to second guess themselves...

I think you are doing amazing and way better than me by a long shot!

Oh kitcat

I need to read your story!

What i struggle with is that he is trying ti be this amicable person whi is telling me about how i should feel and how i will feel. And saying stuff like we need to work together to Move forward for the boys etc. There was a lot of we in his conversation!

There is no we and i was very tempted to correct him but just continued bloody nodding!

I did txt to say yes fine talk.

One thing that has hit me hard was that last week he was telling mil that no need to meet ow as its not like that and tomorrow h and ow are going to see mil....

So far A with ow has been all secretive, and now it is really taking a different route, i guess a more serious one?!

Any indication how long these affairs last?

Also how do i handle interactions with in laws?

I was very close with his mum for 4 months, and now that he is has started talking to her, its only natural that it will become more awkward for us to talk.

My ex-W has a good relationship with my family, and my GF has a good relationship with her ex-H's family. They continue to talk about their lives and their families. They stopped discussing their ex's. It doesn't have to become awkward. I think it'd only become so if you focus on talking about your ex, go to family events in common, or make a big deal about their rare mention. If forced to pick sides, you can imagine whose side they're vastly more likely to pick! So keep it about you, them, and your relationship with them. And it's okay if you can't hang out with them for a spell without thinking about your ex. We're all wired differently. This is hard stuff and if you have a good relationship, they'll understand a brief pause or slow-down.

Thank you, you are of course right, i think its becoming awkward because we did discuss him and mil would ask questions because she is worried about him. And he was non responsive and didnt want to communicate. And now that he is and mil is having more interaction with him, she will find it awkward, but as she would want to support me wouldnt say anything.

Ill try to keep our interactions to Convo re anything but H.

Quick question: h has indicated that he will never move to our house and is sorting out his own living arrangements.

Is it appropriate to ask him to return his key? And once he has his place sorted to ask him to collect all of his stuff from the house?

He is paying the mortgage and The bills on the house that kids and i live in.

It is appropriate to ask him to return his key and move out his stuff. But prepare for more spewing to come, H might react negatively, and if he is holding the power on the finances he may very well use that again you.

As to MIL - I am still friendly with MIL, your friendship with the in-laws does not have to change as long as your in laws are blaming you for what's happening. I have made it clear to my MIL that there is nothing I can do to fix the situation, and I have no idea why H is the way he is currently.