1) Undecided right now. I'm trying to slow things down. I do still love her.
2) Yes. But, I still don't have the conclusive proof it is him.
3) Yes. I live in a no fault state.
4) Both currently sleeping in MBR. There is no physical contact. There were a few nights where I was so pissed off and anxious that I slept in another room.
In our earlier talks, I told her that I would not accept infidelity and lying. I also told her I am not interested in just being married for the kids. But, I had nothing to back it up or made any real boundaries. I know I am being treated like a doormat right now. I have made a ton of NGS mistakes.
Last edited by RVM; 01/10/2008:50 PM.
M: 40s W: 40s 2 Ds PA suspected Summer 2019 / assumed still ongoing BD: Fall 2019
Have you thought about asking her to sleep elsewhere?
I have thought about that a lot this week. I'm really torn since I don't have the concrete proof of an A. But, only a fool would believe she's not in one.
The other thing I'm toying with regarding the nightly GALing. Do I just tell her I'm going to start coming and going as I please after the kids go to bed? i.e. I'm not going to text her or tell her (if she's not nearby) where or when I'll be back.
M: 40s W: 40s 2 Ds PA suspected Summer 2019 / assumed still ongoing BD: Fall 2019
So, I've stepped up my GAL'ing, detaching, 180, and validating game over the past week and I've definitely seen some improvement in my self-esteem. Those first 3 months after the BD, I think I was suffering from something akin to Stockholm Syndrome. It was sheer emotional abuse.
It didn't help that I was previously in full pursuer mode without realizing it. The random texting temp check-ins and then getting deflated with her lack of or her dismissive replies; looking at her to see her facial expressions to attain any good/bad feedback for our R; wanting to always sit near her when we're out somewhere, etc, etc.
This forum has helped so much explain what is going on in my W's head. The tornado of emotions. It really has helped me take the emotions out of her spewing. I loved the recommendation of pretending she has a horn growing out of her forehead for when she starts making some whacko insult.
Just my changes alone, have made her actually start to become the pursuer again and she's toned down the attitude. Just slowing everything down to a crawl again. She actually slightly reminds me of the woman I knew 2 years ago. I don't trust a d@mn thing out of her mouth or her feigned good deeds. But, I do feel more in control of my life again. Baby steps.
Last edited by job; 01/14/2007:26 PM. Reason: edited language
M: 40s W: 40s 2 Ds PA suspected Summer 2019 / assumed still ongoing BD: Fall 2019
Also, is there a thread where people list the ridiculous comments their S spew out?
I know this is all extremely serious stuff we are dealing with, but some of these comments the S say need to be read. At least something we can chuckle over or relate as LBSs.
Last edited by RVM; 01/14/2006:12 PM.
M: 40s W: 40s 2 Ds PA suspected Summer 2019 / assumed still ongoing BD: Fall 2019
So, I've stepped up my GAL'ing, detaching, 180, and validating game over the past week and I've definitely seen some improvement in my self-esteem. Those first 3 months after the BD, I think I was suffering from something akin to Stockholm Syndrome. It was sheer emotional abuse.
It didn't help that I was previously in full pursuer mode without realizing it. The random texting temp check-ins and then getting deflated with her lack of or her dismissive replies; looking at her to see her facial expressions to attain any good/bad feedback for our R; wanting to always sit near her when we're out somewhere, etc, etc.
This forum has helped so much explain what is going on in my W's head. The tornado of emotions. It really has helped me take the emotions out of her spewing. I loved the recommendation of pretending she has a horn growing out of her forehead for when she starts making some whacko insult.
Just my changes alone, have made her actually start to become the pursuer again and she's toned down the attitude. Just slowing everything down to a crawl again. She actually slightly reminds me of the woman I knew 2 years ago. I don't trust a d@mn thing out of her mouth or her feigned good deeds. But, I do feel more in control of my life again. Baby steps.
Remember, DB for you....not her. Not to save the marriage. As you commented on in Scott's thread, and you are now aware of, you were watching a caged animal. That's how she felt. She will never step toward you if she feels that way. Now removing all pressure and pursuit, she may still not step toward you, but it is a heck of a lot more likely than if she is feeling like a caged animal.
Keep up the good work!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Also, is there a thread where people list the ridiculous comments their S spew out?
I know this is all extremely serious stuff we are dealing with, but some of these comments the S say need to be read. At least something we can chuckle over or relate as LBSs.
Start here, what are some doosies you've heard?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
What's the opinion on AOS? Wife texted asking me to put something in the oven for dinner for the family. I get you don't want to be a jerk (and not doing this would be IMO), but is there a thread about how to handle AOS?
M: 40s W: 40s 2 Ds PA suspected Summer 2019 / assumed still ongoing BD: Fall 2019
