Yes in the paper work when it is final, hopefully never final or done, dead yes but not a finalized divorce it will be 50 50.
It just [censored] that I now see that she was so close and I did not recognize that she was coming in closer until it was right in my face and she told me she was trying. For weeks she was hanging out in the driveway longer or actually coming in the house when it was raining instead of just saying goodbye to them in the car.
Where if I thought we were at zero on a scale to 5 (with 5 being great and good) Just plodding along towards finishing paperwork but we were close to a 2 now we are at a -2 and there is no chance she will think it'll work out or have feeling for trying again.
Has anyone else had a come back going from hearing " I'm trying to work through this all and know it will be an uphiill battle but I do see myself coming home sometime soon" to "we are done and I should have never thought you would change".
Roller coaster of emotions and I know I have to work on being ok with her not coming back and be great for myself and the boys.
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
NewJimmy, I tried to tell you this in my earlier post. The problem isn't that you weren't eager enough, it was that you were TOO eager. She wanted to see if she could still have you. And when she went to dinner, went bike riding, had another dinner, and then movie night. And then when she pulls back you immediately start reaching out. "What's wrong?"
Some people just like the thrill of the chase. Once they catch their prey they really don't know what to do or how to proceed. She was reacting on emotion. But once you were all eager for every breadcrumb she dropped for you, she went back to her previous position.
But to answer your question: "Has anyone else had a come back going from hearing " I'm trying to work through this all and know it will be an uphiill battle but I do see myself coming home sometime soon" to "we are done and I should have never thought you would change"."
Yes. My wife flipped more than a hamburger on a short-order cook's grill. One minute saying she wanted to stay, and the next staying she still was going to go. The WAS mind is not something that is easily understood.
So what got you to the point where she said the first? Because it certainly wasn't: "I texted her back "What happened, lets discuss etc and one instance where we disagree on my reaction to something and thats it?""
When you got the text "I'm done, I have no interest in working on stuff, don't text me" the right move would have been to give her what she asked for. "don't text me" and your response is to text her? And in a very weak, beta way. An Alpha would have just deleted the text block and moved on.
Go back to being dark. Let her work through her own garbage. I see still being resistant: "hopefully never final or done". Wrong attitude. Your attitude should be, fine you don't want me....then I am moving on.
Find the Alpha!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve's right. You got all excited and starting chasing the cat instead of letting her come to you at her own pace. Let the cat wander around the neighborhood until it gets curious again.
Unfortunately people leave the board and do not continue learn and make costly mistakes.
I remember my longtime, on again, off again GF I've mentioned on this board before. About 4 years into her dating her now husband, and a year and a half before I met my now W, this ex GF called me one fall. She talked to me for 2 hours. And she was saying how she missed me, and what was possible between us. I finally said, "yeah but what about -her BF-?" She said "He got a job offer 3 hours away. I told him I wasn't moving there, and that I didn't want him to not take it for me. So we are probably breaking up." The next hour and a half was her talking in lovey, dovey terms, about wanting to kiss me again, that she thinks about being together again all the time. Etc."
I hung up feeling on top of the world! We are getting back togethert! YEAY! 2 weeks went by, and I got another phone-call. The call was very casual. It felt like I was catching up with an old friend. "Hi, How are things going? Have you been busy? Any exciting plans coming up?" I mean it was very much small talk. There was a huge elephant on the call and neither of us were addressing. Finally I had this exchange:
Me: "So what ever happened with the job offer?" Her: "What job offer?" Me: "-her BF's name-'s job offer 3 hours away?" Her: "Oh. He didn't take it."
It was like a kick to the gut. Suddenly this phone call made a lot of sense. This was her way of letting me know we were back to the casual friendship, occasionally contacting one another, that had developed since we had broken up the last time years before. The rest of that call was a blur. For the next 5 minutes I listned and answered questions with one or two word answers. Finally I said: "Well, I have to run. Talk later." She said: "Goodbye." and hung up. In contrast to two weeks before when anytime I acted like I had to go, she made an excuse to keep me on the phone.
I told myself I would never fall for something like that again. Sure enough the next fall, a year later, she called me and started with things like the first call above. I blew her off. Made an excuse to get off the phone, and hung up about 7 minutes into the call! (This was pre-caller ID or I would not have even answered the phone!)
I found out years later, that the second time fall phone call, where she started trying to talk lovey dovey again, that her plan was to come to my place that day. I had recently moved into a new place and she wanted to come see it. And she made the point to tell me that she expected me to call her back later (she did say "call me later" when I hung up), and that she even shaved her legs. Luckily, her antics the fall before let me finally move on for real. About 4 months later I met my W and the rest is history.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
