D17 told S19 last night what H had done. S19 said H was the man you looked up to, the one you wanted to be like and now he's a scumbag. S19 said "H doesn't want kids so why does he want us to live with him?" I won't say this but I think it's because he doesn't want me to have them. He was convinced I couldn't live without him, that I'd fall apart, he'd then get the kids and he'd have it all. I bought into his view of me but decided instead to prove him wrong. A year later and I'm still standing. Yes it's hard and I've got a ways to go but it turns out I don't need him as much as I thought I did. Shocking.
I continue to read to learn and grow. Today I had an epiphany I think sometimes I analyze H because for me its easier to see his faults and understand them that it is my own. H flipping D17 off and calling her a beotch made me wonder why is he angry? This is a serious question. I mean it was his choice to blow up our lives right? Then it clicked. All suffering and negativity is caused by not accepting reality.
I'm suffering because I haven't accepted that he's gone and that this is my life now. Acceptance is therefore the key to my freedom from negativity and suffering. Wow. Now I just need to work on implementing this. lol
Yup - Buddhist basics - all suffering comes from desire.
I want to understand and work towards living this type of life.
D17 is happy and her advice to me is don't think about it (the bad stuff) and be grateful. We've been in this icky rental house for 7 months now. She lost her allowance, we can't eat out, go to the movies, her friends all dumped her, she lost her pets and her sister. Could our lives get any sadder and yet she found things to be grateful for.
I'm a good cook so after we moved I needed to find new things to make. New place, new routine. D17 told me that the highlight of her day was dinner. She'd spend all day at school wondering what delicious meal I was going to prepare that evening. Seriously??? I think I get it now.
We finished the last season of the Money Heist last night (awesome show btw) and she confessed that she thought the professor was hot. She’s a Harry styles guy not a 45 year old man guy. She joked it’s because she has daddy issues now. I just laughed and said welcome to the club there are lots of us.
On happiness what frustrates me is I’ll be perfectly fine sitting all meditative and stuff but as soon as I get up I lose it. Not all the time no but it’s so irritating.
Yeah my ex had a great job as an MD and was making $325k per year when he split 11 years ago. We lived in the high priced beach community he wanted and lived in a modest but beautiful 3 bedroom 60’s ranch with stunning ocean views. He surfed several mornings a week, and took several weeks vacation a year, including ski trips with the family and exotic surf trips to places like Fiji for himself.
But he still found room to be jealous of those around us who had even more. Seriously? We had so much more than most of the world but he still felt entitled to more.
The trick to life is to be content with what you have, not always comparing yourself to others. He never could master that. I bet where you live is a palace compared to where 90% of the worlds population lives.
But he still found room to be jealous of those around us who had even more. Seriously? We had so much more than most of the world but he still felt entitled to more.
I'm down today. We were living paycheck to paycheck and yes it was stressful. He wanted to get a 2nd job and start a side business but I discouraged this because he already worked long hours. I got a job but he'd already met someone else. He now has a 2nd job and got a promotion.
When we met he had substantial debt which implies dissatisfaction but I thought it just meant bad with money. After we married he accused me of hoarding money. Translation I cut up the credit cards and lowered his lifestyle.
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The trick to life is to be content with what you have, not always comparing yourself to others. He never could master that. I bet where you live is a palace compared to where 90% of the worlds population lives.
I juggled money to get him what he wanted and he resented the stress it caused. Had I kept my career would he have stayed?
Yes I live in a palace compared to so many people. It bothers me that for $100 more a month I could have gotten a much nicer house. In hindsight it's probably best I didn't spend anymore money than I had to.
