Sorry you were having a bad day. It’s important to take good care of yourself during this time. Life’s too short and precious to let your soon-to-be-Ex suck the life out of your present. Exercise, get some sun, take a bubble bath, watch more 80’s movies. Make a vision board with pictures of the rad future you’re going to create for yourself. Learn a new skill. Read a trashy novel.
I'm told to envision this "rad future" but I'm living in poverty. I hope you're right about the universe setting things right because right now I'm feeling sorry for myself. H has OW, doesn't have to be alone, has a great house and gets to keep his money. I do have the kids, I am in better health, I am less stressed not having to pay for a life I can't afford and I'm no longer living with a miserable person. I was having more fun than I did when I had money and a bigger house but then COVID hit.....
kas I just wanted to stop by and say "you matter".
I matter to my kids and they are being affected negatively by my down mood right now. I've got to pull it together. I'm in week 2 of lockdown and it's getting to me. Everything is so depressing and there just doesn't seem to be an end to this.
Yesterday I got my summer clothes out of storage, talked D17 into staging my large open shelving in the eat in kitchen and cleaned out my pantry. My house is a wreck still but that is to be expected at this stage. I'm downsizing and trying to make this place look decent.
S19 has taken over the yard work and H continues to insert himself here. He's helped S19 twice to mow my lawn and I'm sick of it already. Thankfully S19 shares my sentiment. I need a weed eater so S19 asked H which one he had. H wants to keep coming over here so he tries to block any and all attempts for us to become self sufficient. S19 says (and I agree) that if H could bail on us once they why would we rely on him now? S19 says (and I agree) we need to learn how to do these things ourselves.
So H, backed into a corner by my very clever son first said we could borrow his weed eater which still gave him an excuse to come here so S19 said no we'd just figure it out on our own. Thanks but no thanks. H then tried to offer up different brands he thought were good. OMG he still refused to tell us which weed eater he has. S19 said he just wants to mow the lawn. Why make this more difficult than it has to be??
S19 and I decide to take D17s car to get the weed eater because my car is full of crap from storage but she left her door open so the battery is dead. Great. I move my car so we could take S19s car but his is a stick which means being mindful of the route we take because he is still scared of traffic and hills. We first go to Auto Zone to get jumper cables. I’ve seen it done a hundred times but I’ve never actually done it myself.
We head to Lowe’s, traffic is horrible and the store was so packed S19 had trouble maneuvering the parking lot but we press on. I’m regretting not taking a benzo. Lol. We get in the store, lines are long, no one is 6 feet apart and they announce that their credit card machines are down. I do not have cash so we leave and head to Home Depot which means S19 must drive across the interstate. It’s bad. I can drive a stick but it’s been 30 years. S19 was retraining me before we moved but I hadn’t graduated beyond neighborhoods so S19 has to do this. I’m really missing having Hs help.
Make it to Home Depot and it’s near vacant stores so parking is easier and the store isn’t as crowded as Lowe’s but there is a line outside. They are limiting how many people can go in the store and seeing as it’s a gorgeous day I’m both happy and stressed at the same time. Oh and the store closes an an hour. Good times. We get in fairly quickly but the weed eaters are locked up. S19 and I have a bit organized chaos after we get one realizing we should probably get more string and oil so we won’t have to come back.
We make it home but since this is our maiden voyage with the yard we don’t have gas for the weed eater. I opt to get the gas since I’m having anxiety. I tell S19 to start on the yard and I’ll help when I get back. I get back as he’s finishing the front yard and he says I need to change clothes. Right. Lol. I feel so dumb and helpless but I’m determined. I mow the back while he figures out the weed eater. Soon after I sit outside to give him moral support because he hasn’t yet gotten it to work and I’m worthless. Finally gets it to start and he finishes the yard. We put everything up and now we have to get D17s car started. I have not taken the benzo yet.
I move my car in front of D17s while he rereads the directions. I said we should ask how to do this at Auto Zone but being a man S19 declines says that’s embarrassing and says he will figure it out. We get the positive cables attached but we’re stumped on the grounding part. It says attach it to an unpainted metal surface and well there isn’t one. S19 asks if he needs to call H. Um no. I’d rather knock on random neighbors doors than call him. S19 takes a leap of faith and attaches it anyway. I start my car and he starts hers. It works!!! We give each other high fives then he goes to drive the car around while I go and cook my lame I’m broke dinner.
While we were doing all this D17 finished the purse she was making out of a blanket. I helped her some but mostly she’s teaching herself. She picked up the kitchen, did the dishes before and after dinner. Afterwards I took a shower, made brownies and we watched 80s movies until midnight. We laughed and laughed. Oh and guess what? I never took the benzo.
Oh and I wasn’t going to stay at Lowe’s once I saw what it was like inside. The announcement just gave me an additional push to leave. I’d rather order online than risk getting myself or anyone else sick. I wish I’d never walked in Lowes but what’s done is done. I stayed 6 feet away from most everyone at all 3 stores. Lowe’s was the worst but I went around the back and was able to dash through self checkout. We were fine. Auto Zone only had a couple people in the store and the checkout area was all roped off with tape showing where 6 feet was. Home Depot limited the number of people in the store my only issue was there was one worker helping me another man with weed eaters since they were locked up. I stayed back as much as possible but it’s challenging when others don’t do their part. This old lady came up riding in her scooter too. What the heck?? We got our weed eater first and ran.
You and you family have had quite the day. Any time you aren't sure how to do something, look the task up on U-Tube. They've got great informational step-by-step aids to help you w/your various projects, i.e., even jumping car batteries.
I hope the rest of your day is calmer for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You and you family have had quite the day. Any time you aren't sure how to do something, look the task up on U-Tube. They've got great informational step-by-step aids to help you w/your various projects, i.e., even jumping car batteries
Job I lost ALL my self confidence before the BD. I'll watch a you tube video and I'm still lost. Wanted to hang curtains and for the life of me I can't figure out to change the stupid drill bit. Ugh.
My boss and one of my coworkers know who the OW is. They said she no longer works with him and that they were shocked as to who it is. They said I might even know who she is. I've told everyone I don't want to know who it is so they aren't telling me. My boss doesn't know her personally he's just going by what the coworker said.
If it's someone I know then she's pretty. I feel like crying and I'm stuck at work.
Even if she is supermodel pretty just pity her. Either he has lied to her and told her he is not married and she believes him or she knows she is dating a married man. If he lied to her, when she does realize he is married, if she has a thimble worth of self respect she will drop him.
Most likely though, she knows he is married as they affair down (it’s a step down as no woman who has her sh$t together gets with a married man!). Either way, really not a good foundation to a relationship and NOT romantic. Let’s not glamorize trashiness. He is no prize. He is a man having an affair. No healthy woman would knowingly involve herself in that as she would be attracted to an UNmarried man.
Square your shoulders, hold your head up and sleep with a clear conscience. You will become strong and confident through this.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
One of the women I know has slept with everyone in the dept. If it is her then yes they'd be shocked because H is such a "good guy" that no one would believe he would date someone like her.
Thing is the day of the BD he said he'd miss my looks. I didn't know at the time I was being compared to the OW. I've never actually met this woman I've only seen her from afar at a grocery store. H pointed her out and then named all the men she's dated. She's blonde, fit, younger, prettier than me. I didn't get a good look at her face though and it's been years.
My estranged sister (once pretty) lived that life and it showed on her face. She looked 15 years older than she really is (in the face). My kids say H has aged 5 years since he moved out a year ago. I haven't seen my sister in 7 years but my kids have. They say my sister is unrecognizable now which is the word D17 used to describe H.
