To second that I wasn’t talking about compassion. Like at all. F that. No need to be sweet. Just above his BS. Just being the calm one who understands normal social cues and boundaries. The one who models good for-parent ex behavior. 90% of my reasoning for being polite or completely calm or cooperative even when H was at his worst was so no matter what I’m never the bad guy. The intent doesn’t have to be angelic. But the actions should enforce that you’re the anchor and stability that your home orbits around. Not that the world revolves around him and his behavior.
Ok I get it, I just need to rise above his insensitive or selfish behaviours, and act firm but more calm.
I’m really struggling now with choosing between being supportive and allowing him to come to the house and use what he needs to use given the lockdown, to make his day a bit more bearable; or making him live with the choice he made, alone in a house, which is pretty miserable (we are only allowed to go to each other’s houses because of the children. No other social contact is allowed, so he has no-one except us).
Of course I want him here for the wrong reasons, because I want him back in the family. But it just fills me with anxiety that he’s just “using” me/the house as he has no other choices right now.
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
Last edited by job; 03/29/2005:01 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
