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Thank you (((OwnIt ))) As difficult as this has been to accept at times, in the end we all just want to be happy. We want D3 to be happy & taken care off. 00 and I are cordial to eachother. Roommates, right? I have moved on incertain areas, but still harbor the hate of being cheated on. The feeling that I failed myself as a woman; I wasn't enough.

Now that 00 has his freedom, he said he feels a bit of relief, but still has the stresses of work (will it be there) & stress of surviving this pandemic. He cancelled his flight he said, because he said he feels safer here than CA. We'll, I snooped & read his text to his brother .."they cancelled my flight to ( gf country)". BIG lie. I feel so foolish for beleiving anything he says. Regardless, he's here for D3.

When he gives his attention to D3, he's a great dad. Being stuck in this virus lockdown situation I hope he gets a feel for how much attention you need to give a child. You have to have patience. He's learning. I'm learning to remember to be more patient.

I'd love to write more but exhausted.

Be safe

Once again I typed and erased it. Looking forward to 00 being gone so I can use the computer instead of phone to post! Less typos too..lol..

~j~ 00 was out in the garage talking to ow/gf in the middle of the night again. Doesn't matter any more right? No. It doesn't. It still hurts. At least he goes outside. It still hurts. He's talking to someone he loves and it's not me. We ARE roommates & we are STUCK here during this pandemic.

I will admit, yesterday morning, when 00 announced HE cancelled his flight to another state, I was happy to not be alone. I'm scared. My anxitey is through the roof. Having another human there that I trust with D3 is a blessing. I found out later in the day he lied about his cancellation.

There was a moment in the day when 00 left his phone open to read. So I did. It was an exchange between him and his brother. 00 said, "They cancelled my flight to -----" (ow/gf home country). Whatever plans he had got cancelled by flight restrictions in & around her country. Ha Ha!! That's called KARMA! Maybe he cancelled a portion of his trip, but the fact is he lied. Why bother! To lesdon the sting?

He had told me his flight plans to another state previously, and I thought, yeah, whatever. YOU have at least a full month free before work and your not going to see ow/gf? Unless she's meeting you state side, I don't buy it. But, I did buy into it a little. Zero expectations right?

Another exchange I read on the phone was regarding the D and money...haha I'll buy my own house. Wish I could have read more. Makes me wonder what other secrets he's hiding. More shall be revealed right? I hope not. More good news please.

I still think 00 could be a secret agent. Definitly putting that into my screenplay.

I have even more empathy for you here Can, as I had to listen to convos this week for the first time (imagining it was one of H’s friends and nothing more, but that could easily change). He’d rather spend time on the phone with anyone else! All of this plus the pandemic is a lot. Being stuck in the house with H 24/7 now is a lot. I feel like he’s a caged animal, and I’m waiting for him to snap. I think he’s practicing some denial that might ward that off, though. This is driving home to me that if I were interviewing roommates and alien H walked in, I would be like, That’s not a good fit! But somehow he snuck in and I’m stuck with him for an indefinite amount of time.

Too bad 00 can’t make it to ow/gf! Ha. I hope good things are revealed too, Can. It’s probably better to have that attitude than my current one, which is what crazy/selfish thing is coming next? I’ll flip my mindset too. What positive change or energy could this situation manifest in the future? Why should it only bring about bad?

Hi cardnial. This advice is a reminder for me & you & others.

"Zero Expectation" is another mind set. Whatever will be will be. Us LBS really do need to focus more on ourselves. Interesting times during this world wide crisis. If your mlc spouse or x in my case in in the house, they are roommates with their own lives separate from ours. Detach yourself from your roommate & GAL separate. If they engage you, its okay to interact. The more we detach, imagine the other as a roommate, it gets easier. Keep yourself busy.

Those positive universal vibes we put out will come back and make us stronger. We need to remind ourselves that in time, good things will come our way because we are good people. We are ALL on a journey. Lets survive. Let's be happy.

I can hear you shifting to more acceptance

Trust me ...fast forward 5 years
you will be grounded and set

He will be lost...unfortunately

follow the path as you are
stronger evfry time I read your posts!

~j~ Yesterday was relatively normal, even in the midst of this pandemic lockdown. D3 and I spent most of the day inside. Zero TV! Normally we don't let her watch a lot. Sometimes as parents you hand over the contols & surrender. But yesterday we did so much more.

00 was out in the garage early, and told me he'd be in there, which was nice, as D3 is always looking for him. I get he needs alone time too. D3 did try to see him. Doors locked, no reply when she called & knocked. He did reply via text (from the garage) he needed time to himself..please. It was a good 3-4 hours before he resurfaced. I get needing time alone without D3. I rarely get it, but understand.

00 shared news that his dad has self quarantined because he was near a positive infected person, while out in the community. No orders to do this, but FIL is doing it as a precaution. Thank goodness he works from home so he can still work.

The rest of the day included video chats D3 wanted with family. MIL & others that where there. 00 popped in & chatted a bit too. At one point he made the statement, "I cancelled my flight ...and will be here until I go to work." (Yikes! That could be 2 weeks or several weeks!) It is what it is. It really is.

In the evening we all hung out. It's good for D3 to see us normal. I have to repeat in my head "roommate roommate roommate." Even though we've aleady signed paperwork, the D still feels unreal. Maybe because there were no real battles? We resolved & agreed on a lot of things. We are all living in unreal times.

I slept last! It's been days. Detaching more & enjoying the normal moments for D3.

Detching & letting go of my love for my former spouse. We are both free to move on. It's SO critical that I GAL even if we're in lockdown. Make the best of YOUR situation at hand.

Be safe & wash your hands

Hi Peace. Yes, I felt this shift too. Probably explains why I slept well. I don't know what the future holds but I do know it's all up to me. And I want to succed here. I love the community & freinds we have. And as D3 gets older, we'll adjust as needed.

00 knows what he's doing. (My guess is living in EU half the year or more with gf as she lives there. It's possible with his line of work to live anywhere). Life is short; live it. As long as he has his job, freedom & health, he'll be fine. I don't ever wish him ill will. ( i might think that of ow/gf..lol..) He is my kids father. If he succeds, D3 will benifit too. Heck, maybe I'll benefit too.

Every day we wake up, WE make the choice what path to follow. Having D3 is a blessing. I have to be strong for her. And when I do that I feel good, feel stronger. THIS is just today. There will be tomorrow and another day. What joy will I see? Start small & BIGGER things WILL come.

~j~ Hi all. D3 and I have been at home for days now. Thankful we can go outside & enjoy our yard. Sunshine is good for the soul.

00 is still here. SAYS he will know more from work Monday. He felt we (D3 &I), did'nt have enough supplies for this pandemic so he went shopping TWICE yesterday. Luckily we have two fridges. He bought SO much stuff. I'm thankful but part of me feels he was guilt shopping to. Still trying to take care of the family. We're talking over 1k & a back up generator. He was trying to buy a freezer chest too! AND items NOT on my grocery list like alcohal where purchased. You'd swear there was a huge party happening over here! No social gatherings here! I certainly dont need cases of booze! I know were in a state of emergency here, but it kind of shocked me. And he had stocked ithe outside fridge yesterday with mixed cans of booze. I think he's indulging when outside. Makes sence. I believe he's showing more signs of panicing about everything.

So all the while he's gone, I can see he's chatting at certain times of day with ow/gf. I really need to stop looking. The worst is the obvious times he practically jumps up and runs outside near 8pm our time, when its 7am for ow/gf. BARF... spends 1 hr & comes back ready to be super dad.."I'm ready to read stories!" BARF... I continue with D3s routine.

Okay... zzz... back to sleep for 2 hrs at least.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be so hard with him hiding out from your D and connecting with ow/gf. My H is living at home and swears he is no longer in contact with the ow which I believe because for a long time I was checking everything and I have a tracker on his phone. I know. I am not supposed to. We are supposed to detach. I get it. It's hard. Especially when they are home. But I have stopped checking things. I still find myself glancing at his phone, tablet or computer if I am walking by or he is in bed. We still sleep in the same bed although mostly on the edges.

I am not sure how we are all navigating this when we are all "sheltering in place." We are still able to go take walks, hike and shop when necessary. I will admit, I am enjoying my coctails at night. It is helping with the stress. Better than the alternative.

We have to keep working on ourselves. When your H is "reading" or helping with D, are you able to do a hobby you love? Read a book, listen to a podcast, sit outside? Something for you? We should commit to that. Sending good vibes.

Thanks B6. Sending good vibes right back at you Yes, we DO have to keep working on ourselves. GAL has certainly took a turn with this stay at home order. But hey, I'll make a better effort to do more for me & D3. Live as if he's gone. Thank goodness we have a backyard with pool we can enjoy. I love plants, did somevwork there yesterday.

Whatever 00 does is his journey. Perhaps if I imagine he's just connecting with a 'sponcer' it won't hurt as much. Roommate! Remind myself of that! We've had separate sleeping arrangements for a while, mostly after BD. I know the sleeping on the edge bit. I always wanted to reach out for a hand a toe anything! Well, at least your in the same bed & still married. But yes, detaching is key.