I was on the phone. I did not say hello first. When I was off phone he asked if landscaping had been ther. I said no there was a big mix up on their schedule so it going to be next week at 9am.
He then says are you heading out... I clearly dressed and wearing boots but I doubt he REALLY looked at me. I said yes.
I continued doing housework...
H: Did S18 tell you about the shower? Me: No.. ???? H: I told him to be careful as its going to get hot. (On H's list of things to do was to adjust the scald guard on S18 shower)
Since we were talking about S18...
Me: did you know the stinker bought a 3D printer? H: Yes Me: He told you but not me? It apparently arrived 2 days ago. H: You learn things when you take out recycle.
Ok... whatever.
I can tell he went to his parents house today as his mom makes him these no bake cookies... he had a container of them. I asked what paperwork he needed me to get? He said he already got it..
Ugh.. I back slid... what was it for??? He replied pre approval for mortgage... I dropped it.. clearly I was being needy.
H: Did you clear out the spare room? Me: Not yet but soon. (He already knew I said I wouldn't get to it until this weekend)
He very passively aggressively left a realtor magazine, a home's magazine and the most painful... a brochure for a sleep number bed out in the open on kitchen table for me to see.
Ugh... painful because we foolishly bought an 11k bed under sales pressure. I stated we would go have lunch and talk but we got out arm twisted... I kept looking toward husband to say no and let's go but he kept insisting it was what ever I wanted.
I had totally planned to look at sleep number beds because he completely had his heart set on one... I so totally hate that we didnt even go look at them... it was completely my fault. My H was totally sleep.deprived that day. Worse yet we both hate the bed..
So to see that right out in front... slayed me.
He continued not to look at me... so I dont think he saw me as looking hot.
I walked out the door without saying goodbye or to have a nice day.
KC, keep working on detachment. You will be amazed at the transformation it will make in you once you no longer are "slayed" by a sleep number catalog on the table.
You know about OW. A sleep number bed catalog doesn't even compare to that!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's HARD to act detached. You love this man. I'm 9 months from initial BD and 2.5 months since a clean break. I'm still getting there. Don't get me wrong--I LOOKED detached enough to mostly fool a rebound for 1.5 months. I mean to say keep doing your best, learning and upping your game, but don't beat yourself up.
Originally Posted by KitCat
So he moses in at 10:30... I was on the phone. I did not say hello first. When I was off phone he asked if landscaping had been ther.
Yay! Focusing on you, letting the cat come to you.
Originally Posted by KitCat
He then says are you heading out... I clearly dressed and wearing boots but I doubt he REALLY looked at me. I said yes. I continued doing housework...
Nice! You didn't tell him when/where/why.
Originally Posted by KitCat
H: Did S18 tell you about the shower? Me: No.. ???? H: I told him to be careful as its going to get hot. (On H's list of things to do was to adjust the scald guard on S18 shower)
Another good exchange. You're letting him do the talking.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Me: did you know the stinker bought a 3D printer? H: Yes Me: He told you but not me? It apparently arrived 2 days ago. H: You learn things when you take out recycle. Ok... whatever.
Was he expressing resentment? Maybe. If you're aiming for reconciliation you want him to express resentments. It's hopeless when they don't care enough to do that. You took it in a defensive, dismissive way.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I asked what paperwork he needed me to get? He said he already got it..
Woah! I thought you didn't want to divorce--why are you pushing him on the paperwork?!?! Did the previous maybe-resentment get under your skin and prevent a simple "I bet!" in response. Why are you the one taking the conversation into a negative, divorce direction?
Originally Posted by KitCat
Ugh.. I back slid... what was it for???
Yep.
Originally Posted by KitCat
So to see that right out in front... slayed me.
I bet. When my ex started shopping for a new couch, that was an indicator this wasn't going to blow over anytime soon. She was preparing for the long haul apart. I remember that moment. Sorry, KitCat.
He then says are you heading out... I clearly dressed and wearing boots but I doubt he REALLY looked at me. I said yes. I continued doing housework... Nice! You didn't tell him when/where/why.
Well he stopped asking last night. I think when he would ask before it was just a reflex... we had been together 10yr... it sort of comes out... where were you.
Last night he did not ask...though he tried to snoop... today he did not ask... I think he is in the part of not caring????
Originally Posted by KitCat
Me: did you know the stinker bought a 3D printer? H: Yes Me: He told you but not me? It apparently arrived 2 days ago. H: You learn things when you take out recycle. Ok... whatever.
Quote
Was he expressing resentment? Maybe. If you're aiming for reconciliation you want him to express resentments. It's hopeless when they don't care enough to do that. You took it in a defensive, dismissive way.
He waa not being resentful... his tone was cold and detached. Like he was reading facts from encyclopedia. I just let it go... rolled off my back.
Quote
Woah! I thought you didn't want to divorce--why are you pushing him on the paperwork?!?! Did the previous maybe-resentment get under your skin and prevent a simple "I bet!" in response. Why are you the one taking the conversation into a negative, divorce direction?
He had asked for the paperwork... I already knew he got it without me... my statement was to acknowledge that he asked me for it and I had been too busy to do it last night like he wanted.
There is absolutely no reason to leave the home magazine or the sleep number bed stuff out on table... it could stay in his truck or cooler. I mean I already know he is house hunting... he is simply rubbing my face in it.
His suitcase is packed for 4 days and loaded in his truck. His cooler and supplies are all handy to throw together.
Yet what is not packed up???? The homes magazine and the sleep number brochure will be left behind on the table mocking me for the next 4 days. Even though he is looking at house Thursday and Friday he will leave that darn magazine on the table for me and not take it with him.
And yet I just walked out to the garage and there is a big brand new bag of grass seed... he had to have just picked that up. After stalling since last spring I finally said for him to do what is best IF he has the time.... so he skips the landscaping appt but is going to reseed the back yard???
I truly need to head out and have that glass of wine...
The homes magazine and the sleep number brochure will be left behind on the table mocking me for the next 4 days.
KitCat, maybe put them away somewhere? If you feel you need an excuse, you were eating dinner on that table or spreading out paperwork or whatever else is convenient. Heck, they’re brochures, if it’s therapeutic enough burn them.
The homes magazine and the sleep number brochure will be left behind on the table mocking me for the next 4 days.
KitCat, maybe put them away somewhere? If you feel you need an excuse, you were eating dinner on that table or spreading out paperwork or whatever else is convenient. Heck, they’re brochures, if it’s therapeutic enough burn them.
Yeah... but I think he will know that it got to me.... and I have to act as if.
But seriously he does not need to leave them at the table. He is super secretive about so many things.. but that he wants to shout from the rooftop.
I'm glad I'm getting this out here rather than a confrontation with him at home which is what I think he expects from me... well let me 180 that for ya!
I would toss those magazines out. If he says anything just say "Oh, I thought you were done with them". You do realize that he's attempting to get under your skin by leaving these magazines around.
As for the grass seed, he doesn't know which end is up. What I think he's doing is cleaning up and putting things in order before he hits the road. A lot of them do that so that they don't feel guilty for walking out. They can say that they did everything they could around the home before they left.
I know everything is hitting your last nerve, but you've got to let this stuff go. You can't rationalize w/irrational people. There is truly no rhyme or reason for what he is doing. Don't allow him to take you down into the rabbit hole w/him.
Focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As for the grass seed, he doesn't know which end is up. What I think he's doing is cleaning up and putting things in order before he hits the road. A lot of them do that so that they don't feel guilty for walking out. They can say that they did everything they could around the home before they lef
I know this to be true... and truth be told I will miss that he isn't around to do those sorts of things.
I used to tease him when he was in pursuit of me years ago... my only motivation for M was just to have some one around to mow the yard and clean the gutters.... sadly I learned there is so much more I desire of him than that since saying I do.... lately though I know he wasn't feeling that to be true.
