I'm sure you will miss what you have with OW. No garauntees that your feelings for your wife will return. That is a choice left to you. I can tell you that while you do have an OW your wife can't compete with it. That is a fact. I had to stand by and alow my x to find hapiness with another. I could not compete based on our history alone. Which at the time was all negative. Seeing it that way justified her need to divorce and find that hapiness. Is she happier now? Nope. It is just different but the same.
WC, you will be stuck in a vicious cycle if you think that special feelings define a relationship or a marriage. Needs change over time as you are now experiencing. People change. There was a time where I didn't think love was a choice but that it just happens. I love my x wife, after all she is the mother of my daughter. I would not like to see her harmed in any way. I care about her. I did have to choose to stop loving her though.
I'm over simplifying it but hopefully you get the idea. Sooner or later you are going to have to make a choice WC.
My feelings for my wife were dwindling b4 my affair. I just settled and figured this is what Im stuck with. Y rock the boat. I never looked for ne1 at the time. It just happened. Now u say my feelings will come back. Maybe so...but it wont be nething like what I exp. Y ru so sure that my feelings for the OW will disipate. And if they do it wont be to the degree that its now with my wife. Isnt it possible that we all evolve n maybe what I needed b4 doesnt apply to now
Quote: Now u say my feelings will come back. Maybe so...but it wont be nething like what I exp. Y ru so sure that my feelings for the OW will disipate.
It is possible. If you travel the road you are on now you will never know. I am just trying to give you a different perspective on things. I do hope it works out for you one way or the other.
I sympathize with ur situation. But you cant assume all affairs fall into the category u speak of. Maybe Im in denial. But we only regret what we didnt do not not we do. I dont want to ask what if. Yes the OW is still married but its not going smoothly. Shes somewhat agreed that shes waiting for me to make my move. And ur right its wrong and selfish on her part. But at this point she figures Im not avail and who to take care of her kids than her husband. Like I sd b4 she does have issue n im trying to get her to see errors.
WC, OW's marriage is on the skids aleady. Is it any wonder given the circumstances? How could the marriage work if she is still involved with you? Putting her issues aside for a bit, what about your issues? Have you got it all together? If you don't want to save your marrige what is it that brings you here? Your at the fork in the road so what answers are you looking for to decide to turn right or left?
wc I have to agree with Mark. Ofcoause her M is going to on the rocks and so will yours as long as the affair goes on. Neither one of you can work on your M as long as you hide from what you are doing.
You need to do alot of soul searching and find youself. Find out what went haywire in your life. You say that you stopped being attracted to your wife. Do you know why? Or is it something that you just chalked up as a fact of life.
Get a pen and paper. Write down what all you love about your wife when you got together and what has made you fall out of love. No rose color glasses here.(don't let the R with OW tint your view) Now take a look and see, is the anyway you can met W in the middle here. Sex ho hum, how abaout mixing things up. If you arn't getting enough attion else whare, look it to hobbies that ya can do. Anything that will get ya talking and spending time together.
But before you try to work on your M or your affair. You need to get youself in order.
So your affair partner is newly married and still can't be faithful... Why would you want to be with someone like that? Even if you did start a long term relationship with her, her current moral compass would ensure that she would screw around on you as well. Start using some logic man.
What you have with OW isn't love, it's lust. If OW is cheating to be with you, she will cheat on you. Of course her M is on the skids. She only married because she thought you weren't available. She seems to take M very lightly.
Lose the OW and make your M what you want it to be! You don't have to settle, make it a good one. Read "Divorce Remedy". Read "The Five Love Languages" by Coleman. Go see a marrage counselor. (But make very sure it's a really good pro-marriage one, preferably Solution Based, Brief Therapy.
The major ingredient in making a marriage work, is wanting it to. You can bring back the passion and romance in your M. You just have to want to.
Instead of thinking about what you want, think about what your W needs and what would make her happier. If she is happy with you and the R, I can almost guarantee that it will be a better M for you also.
Try it before you give up. The best gift you can give yourself, your W, OW, and her family; is to walk away from that R. Work on your M and tell OW to work on hers. I think you will all be a whole lot happier in the long-run.
Kat I agree that their are other issue in my life that need fixing. The A made me realize I needed sumthing more. Maybe the OW isnt the 1. But I feel I need time away from my wife. Right now the OW is avoiding me everytime I try to get close to her. I know if she lets her guard down things will start all over and its her way of protection. I assume ur a woman..maybe u can understand that I dont believe this is entirely lust. Just holding her kissing her neck drives me wild. As it does the same to her. But Ill never know if we can go further unless we spend more time together...and the only way is for both of us to sep from our spouses. You cold have an arguement if I felt this way b4 with my wife but I didnt. My wife claims I was never a passionate man. Yet with the OW Im a diff person. Ive been with other women & never exp this feeling. I know this is a forum to save the marriage but not every marriage a salvable.
Kat I agree that their are other issue in my life that need fixing. The A made me realize I needed sumthing more. Maybe the OW isnt the 1. But I feel I need time away from my wife. Right now the OW is avoiding me everytime I try to get close to her. I know if she lets her guard down things will start all over and its her way of protection. I assume ur a woman..maybe u can understand that I dont believe this is entirely lust. Just holding her kissing her neck drives me wild. As it does the same to her. But Ill never know if we can go further unless we spend more time together...and the only way is for both of us to sep from our spouses. You cold have an arguement if I felt this way b4 with my wife but I didnt. My wife claims I was never a passionate man. Yet with the OW Im a diff person. Ive been with other women & never exp this feeling. I know this is a forum to save the marriage but not every marriage a salvable.
