I found a JimmyRig. The first posting was March 11, 2019. Is this you?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Jimmy same thing here. My xw and I signed papers over a month ago and she had the nerve to approach me and say, I heard from other people that you are dating. I said yes I am, man she was not happy about it. She gave me a very sarcastic good, it’s about time you move on. I would love to know too, how long do they think we will he plan b? Maybe Sandi can help us all understand. What happens from here? Do they get more mad at us and hate us more? Do they start to feel like they are losing us? Jimmy I think it’s great you are getting out there as long as you are doing it for you, not to get her to notice and use that as a means to get your w back.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Back before I knew my XW I was dating her best friend. We broke up and about a year later I started dating my XW. The XGF was PISSED even though she was dating someone else too! This was over 30 years ago and I've never forgotten what my XW told me about it- "she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either." I think this is exactly the mindset of a WAS. This is why they get so angry if the LBS dates. It's not that they want to get back together, not at all. They just want the LBS to be alone and miserable and pining away for them for eternity.
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What happens from here? Do they get more mad at us and hate us more?
Usually not. Usually they come to grips with the fact that you don't "belong" to them anymore and that your moving on is inevitable. That's not to say they like it, but they learn to deal with it.
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Do they start to feel like they are losing us?
Yes they do, but that does not mean they want the LBS back. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't. That's why we say not to date to try and get a reaction out of them, because most often the reaction isn't the one the LBS wants.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Back again after a long time away bc I reserved my self to the fact that divorce was on the way. Papers were sent to me in September and the back and forth with the lawyers has been going on. I'm still in our house, she is at her parents and the kids have been going back and forth on a schedule.
Out of the blue 2 weeks ago I get a text at 3am from her saying she was thinking of all our awesome adventures together. I respond with "yes they were very fun with the boys and before we had the boys". The next day she asks if she can join me and the boys for pizza Friday night and I say sure. We have been amicable. She comes over we have pizza and after go for a walk.
She gets back to her parents house and in a text thanks me for a nice night and dinner and says she can see her self coming home and thanked me for never giving up and see many new adventures for us together but it will be a uphill climb and she is sorry for everything.
That Sunday we go for a morning bike together wo the kids and after she comes in for a hug almost a kiss and again thanks me. I also asked her what she was thinking and she says she knows she still loves me and is in love with me.
Again dinner the next Friday and movie with the boys at our house and then comes the no return of texts across Sunday and yesterday. We has plans to go to the beach together when the sun came out. I texted for a approx. time and an hour later got a "oh we are bailing on the beach".
Later that night I get a text saying that she was nervous about how I spoke to the 6 yo (sternly) about how he rode right out into the street wo looking. And she is afraid that my anger will be turned on her. I told her I understand and hear her and will continue to try to be a bit softer.
Now its all "I'm done, I have no interest in working on stuff, don't text me" I texted her back "What happened, lets discuss etc and one instance where we disagree on my reaction to something and thats it?"
I thought we were on the long journey of the piecing path but I seem to have fallen off the cliff. Should I just say "then please call a realtor to get an appraisal on the house and finish your paperwork or is this just more the Gift of Time?
Emotions were at good high for 2 weeks and now rock bottom again
Thoughts, ideas, suggestions
thx Newjimmy
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
Later that night I get a text saying that she was nervous about how I spoke to the 6 yo (sternly) about how he rode right out into the street wo looking. And she is afraid that my anger will be turned on her. I told her I understand and hear her and will continue to try to be a bit softer.
Children need discipline and women's hearts can be soft (it is not a bad thing). If you aren't stern, they may not understand as their minds are not fully develop. Stern is not mean. Stern is caring. If you didn't care you wouldn't serious and unrelenting, which is how I define the word stern.
State your position on being stern about your child's safety and don't back down. If this is why she leaves you then so be it. She will respect and be attracted to this more than a soft man who isn't interested in protecting his family.
Originally Posted by NewJimmy
I thought we were on the long journey of the piecing path but I seem to have fallen off the cliff. Should I just say "then please call a realtor to get an appraisal on the house and finish your paperwork or is this just more the Gift of Time?
No. Don't speak of it for the time being. This is more gift of time.
Tell her: "Children need discipline. If you aren't stern, they may not understand as their minds are not fully developed. Stern is not mean. Stern is caring. If you didn't care you wouldn't serious and unrelenting which is how I define stern. I am interested in protecting my family."
Then she knows why you did it. Make it a 60 second phone call. Then move on with your life and let her come back to you, if she chooses.
Last edited by ovrrnbw; 05/29/2001:58 PM.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I would suggest going back to the way your life was before these interactions with your W. Don't invite her to do anything with you and your boys. Don't try to explain anything to her. Allow her to come to you. If she is going to be upset because you were stern with your child, which shouldn't be a big enough deal not to overcome. There are bigger issues to deal with.
And like ovrrnbw said, don't say anything about the realtor and paperwork. Those are your emotions talking and you are trying to illicit a response. It won't work the way you hope.
Also, you should stick to one thread for fluidity.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I will return to what I was doing before the 2 weeks of pleasantries and stay the course. I re-ordered the book bc it has gone missing and will be here reading like a BOSS.
God it felt so close to turning a corner.
DB on !
NewJimmy
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
