Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Maybe I know what to do 6

So here is the thing.

The affair can be an imaginary one that is just in her head, that you have no way to really know about.
It can be, like in my ex-w case a hero in a book, that she thinks you should be better than.

And you can not compete with an imaginary person in a book,
they will always be better than you.

So my suggestion is just STFU and accept those facts and proceed accordingly.

Make sense?

Yup thanks cadet.

So had an awesome weekend. Stayed super busy. Wife went out fri night with a girlfriend. I went to friends house and played cards. Had an awesome time!! These people are the stuff life long friends are made out of. Sat morning did my run. Showered, made my self look awesome. Then left and tried a new coffee shop I run by that always smells so good. Told W I was gonna go check out local weekly farmers market asked if she wanted to go. She said no. I said ok well I’m going anyways. So she changed her mind and decided to come lol. She also decided she might want to got to mud run too. We found out that got cancelled though.

Sat afternoon we went to friends house for birthday get together. Met some new people. I played in a bad mitten tourney. Crazy fun. Wife didn’t play but I had a blast

W just called me at work to tell me she picked up 2 tickets for us for a rock concert tomorrow night

Good for you! I think you are getting the hang of it.

Remember you want her to chase you, it shouldn’t be the other way around.

This is a good thing. Show her a good time. Make sure she feels safe. It is about how she FEELS.

She should feel good while in your presence. She should feel safe.



You can make and break physical contact with her through out the event As you move into crowded areas, take her hand. As you walk into tight spots, move forward, and gently guide her behind you (I typically move our hands to the center of my back near the belt loop. Us your body to make it easy for her to walk behind you. Stop as needed, but do twist your body to walk through. Stay Alpha.

Before the show, buy her one of the shirts. Do not ask her. Just lead her to the shirts and ask her which one she wants. If you see one you like, get yourself one as well. If money is tight, do not buy one for yourself, just her.

oz, I am confused. I've heard from you on and off for weeks how you can't afford this and that. But you can afford a rock concert??

Tickets were 20 bucks. I just sold my wheat crop. I have a little money right now

I’m really nervous about starting contact with her. Grabbing her hand or anything like that sounds like pursuing. I feel like I’m just getting the hang of detaching and GAL. I’m just starting to feel comfortable by myself. I hate to set myself back.

Steve I’m getting into IC too! Oh and the book “no more mr nice guy” is awesome so far

Grabbing her hand sure seems like a big step

She bought tickets. She invited you.


I didn't say hold her hand all night and caress it.

Act like this is a "first date" with a woman you do not know. Alpha up. Make and break contact as appropriate.


Gage her reaction. If she is responsive, then you can test other non sexual touching.



When it is loud, you can "lean in" to hear her. Have you worked on "manning up" your voice? Deeper tone? Do you know how to project a louder volume with out yelling? If the hand holding went well, then you can mix in shoulder touches as you talk.


Do not be goofy OZ. New OZ needs new ways to make W laugh.

What is her PRIMARY love language? Secondary?

1) receiving gifts
2 quality time
3) words of affirmation
4) acts of service
5) physical touch