She is going to have to hit rock bottom for you to reconnect.
What does rock bottom look like? I’m sure if I filed that could accelerate her reaching that point, although it may be met with a different response than if she reaches rock bottom on her own.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
No, I think it was from a few months ago, because it contained something like what if by April...., and what if by August....
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Rock bottom is when she keeps getting played by these young pick-up artists and other men and she starts to:
1) She sees you as someone of extremely high value 2) She views a relationship with you as something much better than a life with someone else or a life alone 3) She's willing to work to win you
Originally Posted by curtis7
I’m sure if I filed that could accelerate her reaching that point, although it may be met with a different response than if she reaches rock bottom on her own.
If you were to file right now she would LHAO thanking you for doing all the work and would let everyone know you were the one that wanted the D.
Curtis, I am not going to blow smoke up your A$$. Your W is the lowest of the lows when it comes to WW wives. This is really going to take a long time and I really think you need to think about if this is a marriage worth saving.
Don't invite her to talk. If she talks then listen and validate. If she doesn't then just discuss the kids and that's it. When you say things like this it's just pressure, and right now she wants zero pressure. I'm not saying be cold/ rude/ indifferent. LOVINGLY detach. The idea is to keep the road home paved and smooth, but you don't throw a winch on her bumper and try to drag her down the road.
I’m struggling with how to come off as bright, cheery, and upbeat around the woman that is actively cheating on me. I’m able to pull it off often, but I fail to do it consistently and she knows me well enough to sense my mood when I’m unable.
I know detachment is the answer, but implementing this during an active A is a challenge. Especially when you find the behavior of the WW so disgusting and immoral. I need to some help on how to put a smile on my face around her during these occasions.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
I’m struggling with how to come off as bright, cheery, and upbeat around the woman that is actively cheating on me.
You need to get to the point where you are bright, cheery and upbeat IN SPITE of her. Let her wallow in the mud, you take the moral high road to happiness.
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I know detachment is the answer, but implementing this during an active A is a challenge.
For most people an A makes detachment easier. Do you really want to be attached to someone that doesn't love you and is actively engaging in an A?
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I need to some help on how to put a smile on my face around her during these occasions.
Don't put a smile on for her sake, but try to get to the point where you are happy and smiling regardless of whether she is there or not. It takes time but you'll get there.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Do not give her that power.
Stay focused on the present. Do not dwell on the past. Do not fear the future. Do things you enjoy.
Wake up, take several deep breaths and enjoy how good each one feels. Happily make the bed. One simple goal accomplished. Enjoy that. Get in the shower. Enjoy all the feelings. The warm water, the good smell.....Keep enjoying everything all day long. Enjoy completing tasks that get you closer to your goals.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I was off on the months, hypothetical was July and September. I’ve been thinking a lot about this scenario and I’ll share my thoughts in the future as I gain some more clarity.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Ah ok. Yes. Don't do things that will cause you to look back and think, 'only if'. This is why we generally tell LBS to make the WAS do all the work towards D.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
