Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Clinging to Hope

Hope, the distance is fine...it's actually preferred. If I were you, I would maintain what you have been doing. However, if he engages, be upbeat, happy, engaged. Ask him questions and validate, listen, see if you can detect any emotion. Don't try to fix anything or plan what you will say next. Stay the course and don't make any big changes.

The phrase here that it is a marathon and not a sprint has plenty of meanings. In a marathon, if you are halfway there and you all of a sudden switch to a faster pace, you may wear yourself out and not make it all the way to the finish. Stay the course and no big changes. You can do this!

Thank you Miler....Patience needs to be on my goals list, it's something I have always struggled with.
See, he did try to engage both last night and this morning and both times I was just very quiet, one word answers, and almost uninterested (protecting myself). Hopefully tonight will be an opportunity for me to be upbeat, happy and engaged. I pretty much just shut him down which I don't want to do. I miss him, I miss his friendship and I want to ensure I don't stray too far into detachment yet that I don't care

And then it all came crashing down, husband just sent me the marital settlement/divorce paperwork. I knew to expect it but that hope is there. Its taking everything in my power to not call him and be upset, to not ask for the reassurance of if the hope is there. Trying to just breath through this.

Everything will be OK.

If you haven't read it. Make plans to read it later. No need to rush in. Maybe tomorrow. Take your time reading it.


Go for a walk before and afterwards. (Or whatever to relax).

HUGS

Thank you R2C.

I replied to him and said "I just need some time to process everything I think".
He responded "That's cool, not sure we're in a crazy rush as we have until July 1st (thats the day he wants me to move out the house with my daughter". don't want to screw your weekend if you want to ignore that email until next week, its cool".
Me: Ok thank you, I appreciate you understanding x
H: It's all cool x

I'm trying to breathe through this and not panic too much.... it really did take everything in me...it still is.. to not call him and say is the hope gone? I am trying to find small wins in him allowing me to wait to read it etc. Hoping we can just be normal tonight before we go to our separate rooms and he leaves again. I am trying to appreciate the gift of time in this, for him to perhaps come back, but for me to perhaps move on.

Pressure never works. A phone call is pressure.

Take things one minute at a time if needed. Do you have "In real Life" support person that knows what is going on?
Maybe get coffee with this person tonight.


HUGs

I do have a couple of people who know what is going on...to many...my first mistake in all this was to put it publicly on facebook that he is divorcing me. He kept saying I should do it so I could get support but I also know it put chances of recon 10 steps back.

I had arrangements to go out with a friend tonight for a few hours, have no inclination to go but really need to focus on GAL so will go. I haven't seen my husband in so long it feels like, but I know I will see him when i get home and if not, I will see him next week. This is all just so, so hard. Taking it one moment at a time. I at least made progress today in having my insurance agree to 2 therapy sessions a week, that will help me I think. And it's friday. small bites...

Yes, this is the important part. Do me a favor and stay in the moment. Enjoy being.

Any thoughts come up about sitch, tell yourself "I will worry about that tomorrow".

If possible stay out later than normal. Do not communicate with him while you are out.

If you need to cry, find a safe place to park and let it out. If you need to scream, scream it out. Angry music, sad music if you need. Use a restroom to freshen up before going home.

When you enter house, project that you had a great time out. Do not answer questions if he asks.

W:"H, I am tired and going to bed"

I see my going out as a 180 honestly. I became so dependent on him that I literally never went out or enjoyed myself if I did go out, when he wasn't there. I have so far been out getting a life everyday since last Friday. I feel abit like a ghost when I go out at the moment but I know those feelings will fade one day. I don't know how late I will stay out but I will make sure I am not home when he gets there.

I'm really struggling with balancing not chasing and not being cold... it's a tough one.