Quote: When you fall in love and get married, you are marrying the qualities of that person on that day. If you allow those qaulities to change, you are putting your marriage at risk.
Wow, CeMar, I think I'm glad I'm not your W. Talk about a tall order! Nobody gets from 20 to 75 (years old) without some MAJOR changes in their appearance. How about 85? 90? Don't kid yourself, even now there are people who live in relative good health until 110 or so. By the time we die, it will not be uncommon to live at least 120 years, in full control of our faculties. If I get that old, I will still hope to be sexually active. But how much will I resemble that 20yo I used to be? Not at all, I hope. Not to mention changes inside as we mature and grow up. I'm a LOT more interesting now than I was 20 years ago. 20 years from now, I hope to be that much more interesting. Life changes you. I can't believe what I'm reading from you...
I hate to tell you but people change all the time. Situations change. Life changes. Nothing ever stays the same totally. If you think your life will be the exact same as 20 yrs ago....................
People have to be able to deal with and change with life in general.
My wife has the most beautiful eyes you can imagine. They are simply stunning. For a long time now, she has to wear thick glasses that make her eyes look small. She can wear contacts, but they are very uncomfortable for her.
She is very beautiful, but her best feature is hidden behind a cosmetic change. Should I therefore stop loving her? should I dump her because I never bargained for the glasses?
Of course not. I know that her REAL beauty is still there and the same as it always was.
I think there is a lesson there- no?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
This all reminds me of the poem, "Believe me, if all those endearing young charms".
Jonathan
Believe me, if all those endearing young charms, Which I gaze on so fondly today, Were to change by tomorrow, and fleet in my arms, Like fairy-gifts fading away, Thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art, Let thy loveliness fade as it will, And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart Would entwine itself verdantly still.
It is not while beauty and youth are thine own, And thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear That the fervor and faith of a soul can be known, To which time will but make thee more dear; No, the heart that has truly loved never forgets, But as truly loves on to the close, As the sunflower turns on her god, when he sets, The same look which she turned when he rose.
Wow! You guys are the best. Not a bit of bad advice in the bunch.
I guess I just had to have some common sense knocked back into me. I'm just going to do what I need to do to feel good about myself. Helpful things other than just counting calories, like starting to run again and engaging in more social activities.
Instead of counting down the pounds, I've decided I'll just count down the number of gin and diet tonics I would have to drink in order to be comfortably naked in front of a strange man. When I get to 1, I'll know I've at least got my own "mojo" back.(LOL)
Of course, there's something dangerous about this method and I think that might be part of my problem. When I start feeling better about myself and project less of a "frumpy" image, I do get attention and it is harder to be content with my LDH and this is kind of scary. I wonder if I'm semi-consciously sabotaging myself. Also, my H is not at all supportive of my dieting efforts;insists on having chips and ice cream in the house, complains if I cook a low-fat dinner, never freely offers up any verbal validation, and of course never believes my suggestion that more "beefcake" would dampen my desire for cheesecake.
Thanks again,
NMB (Hopefully, soon to be MM (Mega-Mojo)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: When I start feeling better about myself and project less of a "frumpy" image, I do get attention and it is harder to be content with my LDH and this is kind of scary. ______________________________________________________
I know exactly what you mean NMB. I dealt with this for a while. A few years ago, the doctor got me back into the weight room to overcome some back trouble. We were having our roughest time while I was pumping up. It was tough because you have to focus on your body to get/maintain the motivation to change it. I started getting more attention everywhere except home. My W didn't act at all pleased at the changes because it made her more unhappy about herself.
But I kept at it and now it's not an issue. It's just the way things are now and you learn to deal with life as it is. You'll find the same thing to be true. And you can do it even if your H loads the house with junk food!
I can't resist an opportunity to post something. Especially when you mention me in the beginning.
I absolutely love women who carry themselves with a confident, sexy attitude regardless of their size. It's really cool to see a woman who is clearly outside of the cultural/media norm carry themselves this way. It's like they are saying "dammit, I might be a big gal but I'm not going to let it stop me from dressing sexy and having some fun".
To respond to somebody's post about turning the tables on men, I must disagree (in my case). I am open to suggestions. I've got a little roll of fat around my belly and hips that will not go away despite an enormous amount of exercise I get. My entire body is lean and fit except this one area. I keep saying I want to get it surgically fixed and my W keeps telling me I'm crazy. If she said..."that's a good idea", I would do it and be happy about it. SuperDave got a nosejob because of his W's request and said he was glad now that he had the "push". If my w wanted me to get an "enlargement", I would (if I could afford it) even if it wasn't something I really wanted. Somewhere in recent history people started yelling "never change yourself for him....change for yourself". The spirit of that is this..."if you don't want to do it, then don't...period. But if you really don't care one way or the other, then what the hell...do it. It will make him happy and might make you happy too".
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: If she said..."that's a good idea", I would do it and be happy about it.
Hmmm... so if you would be happy about it if SHE wanted it, why don't you do it? Why does HER opinion (you're crazy) matter so much? Food for self-reflection?
Quote: I have guys calling me just waiting to date me after my D.
How are you going to sort out which ones are HD or LD? (Any tips guys?) When I get depressed about the prospects for my SSM, I get a chuckle imagining telling future dates about the reason for my break-up.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I have guys calling me just waiting to date me after my D.
I hear you. It would be very easy to have sex with women, if I didn't insist that it be my wife. I have learned to be very cautious and not flirt. But I do accept any explicit or implied complement happily - being rejected sexually by my wife makes me feel unattractive, even if I know that even she thinks I look good an am a decent human being.
Especially when you mention me in the beginning.