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Thank you LH! Much appreciated!

-B

Lol, this is where I am at. Its still a bit odd to me to have a woman interested in me. What is even stranger is that I am very interested in her. I am so so glad that the woman I am talking to is also interested in "slow and steady". Like zero planning for the future, lets enjoy what we have now and actually talk about our feelings while being transparent.

I was already "done" mentally with my MR before I met this woman. But now that I have met her I am truly free. I feel wonderful and the positive attention and positive words of affirmation from a beautiful young woman do wonders on my self confidence. Meeting this woman really woke me up in regards to understanding that I absolutely deserve sooooooooooooooo much better than what I was "content" with.

that's great to hear ST! Happy for you!

-B

Exactly right. I think most LBS's are desperately clinging to the thought that the WAS is going through something temporary and will at some point get "back to normal". That can happen like I think it did with Sandi, but in most cases they never are the same person again. My ex is a good example, she's more like her old self but she is not at all the person I was married to for 20 years. She's maybe 50% that person, whereas after BD she was maybe 25%. And couldn't agree more that the fact that you still SEE the same old body and face makes it that much more difficult to reconcile the changed personality in your head.



Yup. Good men are hard to find these days. Great men more so. Great men under 40 are like unicorns. Women, especially young women, are starving to find a good man (much less a great one). I met a friend for dinner yesterday. She's 31 and beautiful. Dark hair and striking green eyes. Looks like Melisandre on Game of Thrones. Her last BF invited her to Aruba, then told her she had to buy her own ticket. When they got there he didn't pay for a single meal, expected her to. Oh and he invited his best friend to go along with them, a married guy that hit on her whenever her BF wasn't in the room. Then she got Montezuma's Revenge and he ditched her to go party with his friend. I mean this is the same kind of crap I heard over and over again when I started dating. Whenever I hear men here saying they don't know if they'll be able to find someone again, well, they have no idea how easy it's going to be. It's like saying you don't know if you'll ever catch a fish again, but then you take your boat out and fish are jumping in the boat before you can even get your lure on.



That's awesome, congrats!

B & AS,

I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in there. I too have been told I am/will be a catch when I am ready to start dating again. Hopefully, having 3 young children won't be too much of a no go for most women, but it does make me worry. I had discussion with my father where I was expressing the frustration of having to start over, date, and date for the first time in my adult life. He said TF women are like busses, dont worry another one will come along shortly.

Food for thought for me. I have thought about when W would get back to ‘normal,’ but I should prepare myself for who W is to be the new normal.

Every now and then I see shades of W—but she’s clearly not the same, and hasn’t been for a while.

I see the same body and face—and yeah, every now and then she looks great / amazing, but a fair amount of times when I’ve seen her recently, she just doesn’t look good—not just in the sense of my finding her attractive, but she looks sad and frumpy.



I know I’ve taken 2x4s on my going back and forth about wanting to save my MR—and justifiably so.

Once again, this is food for thought, to file away for later, in the event that things can’t be saved. It’s important for me to put the work in for myself—so that no matter what happens, I can be happy with myself and be proud of myself and have a better self-image (be a better husband down the road, father, employee, etc.).

While I know that I shouldn’t work on myself so that someone can be attracted to me, I do understand that that can be a consequence of it (not the primary motivation). And I can understand how younger women have difficulties in finding good or great men. What I have to turn away from is the NGS tendency to be a ‘good’ man (or at least appear like one) in the hopes that they will be attracted to me, or that I will be rewarded for that with their love. I know that that burned me on multiple occasions in the past—I probably missed out on some great women in my past because I had the blinders on and was stupid about it, but it’s in the past.

I just can’t imagine A/S’ friend being treated like that, though—like who would do that and I know that I would totally treat her better than this if I was in this sitch—the guy not paying for meals, another guy paling around and hitting on her (not truly sure who the 3rd wheel in that sitch is, honestly—her, or the best friend), or him leaving her in the room while she is sick. Seriously WTF—poor young lady, she deserves better. But I also realize that this would be my ‘competition’ in the event that I find myself D’ed.

What I need to keep in mind is to work on myself—NO MATTER WHAT the outcome with W.

I’m worried about the same thing. Will most women think 3 young children are too much baggage? Plus, I’m in a remote, rural area, so there isn’t an abundance of women like a city would provide....

I have three kids. Women dont care as long as you are stable and decent looking.

Fellas...well although I only have one child, I will soon have two divorces. Within the first 48 hours of speaking with HMMMM...I need a name for her...got it..Miss Sunshine. Ok, so within the first 48 hours of talking with Miss Sunshine, the topic of my divorces had already come up. She already knew I had a D4 from my pictures. Main thing is open and honest. She asked a question, I gave the truth. I let her ask me what she needed to know as it went. I told her I didn't want to dump a pile of me on her right away, preferred that we just discuss things naturally as they come up. Now some ladies may be ok with your baggage, others may not. If anything else from what you have learned on here and will have learned by your first encounter with a new lady past your exW, if one lady decides she's not for you, move right on along, there will be others. Be yourself, be confident, h**l show your strength and quality because by the time you've gone through what we've all gone through, you WILL be all of those things!

For me, Miss Sunshine point blank said "how is it possible you are not taken?" Also she had said she thought she would make a great mom or step-mom and her expectation for how many children she may want would be flexible depending on if the man she married had any children. Bottom line...drop the worry, be honest, be open and most of all BE.THE.MAN.

Believe nothing that they say and...upss! ;-)

You are an experienced DBer now B. Once a DBer always a DBer. The basics are to be used everyday, everytime.

So take your time to walk your road. Know what I mean, right?

I like your PMA B, that´s the way. There you go.




Wishing all the best for you my friend, always!

(((B)))