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Hi Slowly;

Your goals sound really great and very positive. Good for you for always looking at the positive and continuing to work on yourself. It's a hard road to travel - this life!
Totally

Hi everyone - Monday was a mixed bag

Positives
+ Something new, grabbed H as he came out of the shower, he seemed keen we were late for work, but it was worth derailing the morning routine. I've been noticing lately that H seems to be hesitant about initiating intimacy, but is more than enthusiastic in responding
+ Nice relaxing day at work
+ H came over for lunch. I like this kind of attentiveness

Negatives
- H continues to maintain contact with OW. Why, why, why? Will she always be in our lives, like a thorn in the side?
- I have to travel for work next week and the week after. Will H meet up with OW? Will I ever be able to trust him? Am I expecting too much of myself?

I hope Tuesday brings calmer emotions. Need to develop new baby steps to match the splendidly ambitious May goals Slowly

Hi slowly,

Quote:

---

Negatives
- H continues to maintain contact with OW. Why, why, why? Will she always be in our lives, like a thorn in the side?
- I have to travel for work next week and the week after. Will H meet up with OW? Will I ever be able to trust him? Am I expecting too much of myself?

---

These are the exact questions that go through my mind over and over every day. I would love to know the answer......
Deb

Slowly,

This question is really not one you should waste another minute on. Remember me telling you that it's about him and not you?

Maybe in time you will get these answers. In the meantime, you've got some good info here.

You say he's not good at initiating but good at responding. This guy is really fearing rejection, Slowly! This takes all the pressure off him.

Do you feel that maintainting intimacy is keeping him connected to you? If so, are you willing to continue to initiate until this works itself out?

Just continue being the classy lady that you are. One day, he just might have his epiphany that what he wanted was right in front of him all along. By then, you will have worked out some of the issues that were creating discomfort before.

Repeat after me: I will be patient. I trust the process.

I promise that you will come out the better person in the end if you can make those statements your mantra.

A big hug to you,

Betsey

Slowly,
you are doing great girl. just keep up the DBing. i find it is easier to give advice than to take advice. you seem to be in the same boat. you have helped me tremendously with your great advice. Now i want you to take some of that same advice.

it is a slow sacred journey. You have to give him space and time to get over OW. you can not control that. if you kill him with kindness and he doesnt have any reason to go to her then it will die. dont push him into not seeing her.

Man this giving advice is easy LOL if i could just give myself advice like this and take it i would be in great shape.

that is my short term goal.
heed own advice.

see you later,
hugs+hugs+hugs and more hugs.
Randy

Ditto the above.

It is fabulous that you are getting response from H when you initiate. It works, so allow yourself to continue (when YOU want it) unless it stops working. (I would love to NOT be rejected...I have given up all initiating in my situation.)

What plans do you have to db while you are away? The time separated will be a great time to practice putting up the stop sign...release yourself from the crazymaker monster! You may need to make a plan for yourself to figure out how you want to prepare.

As far as H not initiating, become curious. Maybe think back to the times in your life when he had been initiating. How did he initate? Where and under what circumstances? What were the signals? Could you be missing some of these now? Or as Underdog said, maybe he IS fearful of rejection...

mayafool
maya's thread

I just lurked through the last few posts here....underdog, as always, your insight strikes right into my core.....

Hi slowly,

Just caught up. I think it sounds like a lot of positives here.

I want to thank you for the support you have given me during this difficult time.

I'm still sad and scared, but the support I get here really helps.

Hi everyone - Tuesday was a better day, thank God

Positives
+ Got myself to the nail salon, enjoyed a manicure and pedicure. Committed to doing this once a fortnight. French manicure next time
+ H came over for lunch again
+ I have started looking at the KLA stuff, very thought provoking. I'm sure there will be some squirmish moments to truth here
+ Picked up the Boundaries in Marriage book. H swiped it off me before I could start, he is now working through it

Negatives
- Both H and I feel like we are coming down with flu
- H was late home, after indicating he'd be back at 5. Not good. I did not make an issue of it, but felt like he was taking me for granted like old times
- I confirmed dinner with friends next week, and only when advising H of the dates did it dawn on me that the control-freak was re-surfacing. H was ok with the date, but boy did I miss an opportunity to draw him closer, show the changed me. Next time

And now for the more difficult lessons of the day. Slowly

Hi Randy - You are so right, it is easier to be objective when one is not in the middle of the drama I actually found that reviewing other sitches helped me crystallise some of the things I needed to do. You sound so much more assertive, Randy.I'll visit in a moment, hope you are moving on with your chin up Slowly