I honestly don't think she would. I'm hurt because for months I've been trying to see why he has been distant (his boss also passed away unexpectedly and I can tell he wasn't happy now at work), instead of talking to me, he talked to her. I am hurt bc he should have been talking to me.
I'm going to play devil's advocate a little here. When I read new sitches I try and see things from the other spouse's point-of-view to see what the issues may be. So you've obviously dealt with some very difficult times with the miscarriages and death of both of your parents. I would assume there have been some very down moments recently over that, maybe even depression in either you or your H or both. It's great that you're seeing an IC. Is your H seeing one? Because he's gone through a lot as well. Is it safe to say that sex and intimacy have been nonexistent lately? I would think so with you taking care of your very ill mother full time. Also did you give up a career to take care of your mother? Did you consult your H before making a big life decision like that? I just suspect that you changed a lot during these latter years and are no longer who your H fell in love with. So what you need to do is get back to that person you were, the one he was originally attracted to. I am very sorry your mother passed away. But now that she has perhaps you can start getting back to your old self. Pick up some of your previous hobbies and interests, work on getting fit again if you need to, maybe get back into your career.
Meanwhile just give your H time and space. Leave him alone while you work on yourself. If you can become that person you were then I suspect he will be attracted back to you again.
Regarding his convos with your friend, I'm not excusing him because it is inappropriate behavior, but if any of what I said above rings true then I can understand why he reached out to someone else for emotional support because he probably wasn't getting it at home since you were pouring it all into care for your mother. Again I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying I can see why it would happen.
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Seems my husband thinks I should be stronger bc I am typically a strong woman.
I've never taken care of someone like you did, but I have been very close to it with some relatives and I know how difficult and emotionally draining it is. It just takes it all out of you. You just don't have anything left to give anyone else. The very fact you did it shows how strong you are, but his PERCEPTION is that you lost your strength because probably all he saw was the exhaustion.
Thank you and yes, it was a mutual decision to care for my mother. I gave up my career 10 years ago when we first moved out of state and he was traveling a lot. When we moved back, he was deployed, parents got sick, etc. I finally did go back part time a few months ago and hired a sitter for my mother. I did lose me but he doesn't see that, or I don't think he does. I'm slowly getting back to where I use to be.
Steve85 - thank you. Your thread is so helpful. OK, so if he is going to counseling with me, do I continue or is it more harmful? We have good friends who went thru something similar and went thru counseling and have always sworn by it.
Steve85 - thank you. Your thread is so helpful. OK, so if he is going to counseling with me, do I continue or is it more harmful? We have good friends who went thru something similar and went thru counseling and have always sworn by it.
General rule is that you only do MC IF both parties are committed to trying.
However, Lisa my W was hesitant to do MC. I setup IC and the C suggested she come to the first session in case later she decided to attend she wouldn't say that the C was biased. After the first session she felt comfortable enough to continue. Plus our C was awesome. DO NOT SETTLE FOR A C THAT DOES NOT WORK. People are so hesitant to shop around for Cs.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OK, so if he is going to counseling with me, do I continue or is it more harmful?
My 2 cents -
You go. Do not remind him. If he shows up great, if not great. After a few more sessions, you can decide.
I would also find an IC. Start by asking MC for a recommendation.
I agree that if the other spouse is willing to go and it is already arranged - go. Don't initiate any back-and-forth on this or try to convince them. But if they have not indicated any interest, do not push this issue. In that interest it won't do anything.
Every minute you aren't with son, you are busy, preferably out of the house. THIS IS KEY.
I agree. This is KEY.
I believe all is fair in love and war. You want to make your H FEEL like he is loosing you.
Every time you leave the house, you get dolled up, and go out and do things for you. Shopping, massage, get your nails done, your hair, a movie, a walk in the park, workout in the gym, dinner alone or with friends, crying and screaming in the car if needed....When you get home, you are happy, singing or humming sometimes....
One question, Is H back in MBR or still in guest room?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
