In my H’defense I didnt want to have sex and just really wanted to sit inside and watch netflix. Not healthy I know but this is what I did.
Originally Posted by Sansa
I am not perfect, I suffer from depression
I would start with this. How can you battle your own demons first and come away healthier? The first step has got to be focusing on yourself and your self-care and self-preservation. What can you do today to smile? to laugh? to feel joy? to start to turn YOUR life around?
Dont put him as responsible for your happiness. Own it.
Thank you Amoafwl for this, I know that is my responsibility. I know some of the D was raising a kid with special needs and then some is because I dont have a job or a hobby. I do think I my husband felt like I was a burden. I feel like now that my S17 is gone I have a whole new world open to me, but I also feel like a dark cloud is hanging over me because of all that has transpired. Either way, I am going to focus on me.
Thanks to all who have given me advice and concrete suggestions to do at this time.
Just wanted to give a quick update on my sich, H came home a day early from his trip which I thought was a good sign, He got in around 9pm, I was already in bed on the my ipad ,but sleepy because I had gone to dinner with my GF’s, and had too much wine and food. So we have not seen each other in 2 weeks but have been texing and had some phone calls since then,in any event my H barely looked at me when he came in the BD. He seemed tired and in a crabby mood, it bummed me out and i tried to play it cool. I honestly was falling asleep and then it seemed like he wanted to start talking, about a mutual friend who I had over, his hiking trip etc. think he realized I was out of it and we both went to sleep. I was bummed he didnt touch me and I know I was not supposed to do this but in the middle of the night I cuddled with him and he didnt turn me away. But after some time he moved on the other side of our King sized bed, and turned his back towards me. There was like 4 feet between us, later on in the night he cuddled me which was heavenly, and then we brought the dogs on the bed with us and had a big snuggle fest. So all in all a decent night but still feel alienated from him. I think the 2 weeks away were good for detaching but feel like we are estranged because of it as well. This morning he was Chatty Cathy and spent a good hour showing me pics and stories from his trip. I made sure to pay attention. But told him I needed to get to the gym. He said he was going into work and would see me tonite. So that is all I got. Still waiting for the DR to show up in the mail.
Sounds all pretty positive. Initiating cuddling is not DBing, strictly speaking. But each sitch is different and it seems like it worked since he reciprocated later.
Continue to read the links in Cadet's post and keep working on detachment!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just wanted to say that I actually had a good evening with my husband, I texted him to see if he was coming home for dinner and he asked if we wanted to go out to dinner. We walked to one of our fav restaurants and had a good meal. We had a nice conversation and I noticed he was using the “WE” word a lot. Which was great. He was still jet lagged from his trip and asked if I could take the dogs out in the morning. He was asleep before i got into bed. He didnt snuggle me and was on the other side of the bed. Once again I snuggled him. And then later he reciprocated. I am feeling hopeful but know that is naive. My sister is coming to visit for 10 days tomorrow and my H was talking about what things we could do with her while she is here. Though that was positive too. We still have not had sex in 2 months except for once but it was unfeeling. Stil trying to be patient. Thanks for listening. Hope the DR shows in the mail today.
Just an update, im embarrassed to say I was looking on my H FB messenger and I think he figured it out because now I cant get on it. I’m sure it hasn’t helped things. It just drives me crazy that he is not touching me anymore in bed, I have to initiate any touch, we have not had sex in at least a month. I feel confused, we go out to dinner and he talks about the future and uses “WE” and other things like, I paid OUR taxes, etc,so i know hes not thinking about divorcing me at the moment but wont kiss me, touch me etc. it is a horrible feeling. I’m trying to detach, not let it affect me, try to forgive him, etc but these are loooong nights. Sleeping crappy, etc. i still dont have the DR book, my GF bought it for me and that was a week ago. This is hard,,,feels like an emotional rollercoaster ride.
it is a horrible feeling. I’m trying to detach, not let it affect me, try to forgive him, etc but these are loooong nights. Sleeping crappy, etc.
So what are you doing for you? It sounds like you are so focused on how HE interacts with YOU.
But what are you doing which you have control over? How are you taking charge of your happiness and staying busy and upbeat? Judge your good and bad days based on how YOU feel...not how your interactions are with him.
What new GAL activity do you have planned for this weekend?
