You did very well, keeping calm, and letting her lead. She will share with you, all those answers you seek, be patient it is working.
You know she will most likely want to talk to you about her trauma at some point. Be calm, validating, supportive, and follow where ever she leads the conversation.
This has to be incredible difficult for her. Remain strong for both of you.
You’re a lighthouse buddy. Shine bright!
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I started crying as soon as I got to the part where she started crying. And then cried even harder at the part where you held hands.
There is nothing to my mind more loving than holding hands. It's so unnecessary. It's purely an effort to be present to each other, viscerally -- and to sort of meld into one via the hands.
(I still remember holding hands with my H the first time I knew we would become something. We hadn't kissed or anything. I still remember the street we were on when he took my hand.)
This is so huge that she wanted to go there, that she wanted to see the wound, that she wanted to understand it and heal it. And that she wanted you to be there while she did that.
I am so happy for you.
Last edited by Gerda; 01/29/1902:58 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Gordie - that is very profound. She is willing to start dealing with her past that plagues her in the present, and for her to want you to be there, that's so moving. I'm glad for you, but glad for her too that she is willing to perhaps start dealing with it.
yes I agree a lot of movement on her part toward healing and understanding what happened to her even how it affected her in the now- also a lot about her level of trust to you-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Gord, I've been following along from the shadows. Keep up the good work and know that you have many people that are praying for you daily. Maybe we can be your reminder...you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
I cannot totally understand what you are going thru since I have not been in your shoes, but I do know that you seem to have the gift of being able to use the advice given here to your benefit. I am just glad that your wife seems to be moving in the right direction and that you have the strength and patience to walk the path with her.
God bless!!!
Not to be a smart @$$, but I laughed hard when you talked about your long hair vs short hair. Mine had been getting shorter and shorter over the years and I kind of stopped cutting it. Yesterday a buddy called me Grizzly Adams, so I guess it might be time to trim it up again and do something with this beard.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
If she shared something like this with you, she is showing you vulnerability and taking you to a place that she could not even when you thought your marriage was great. This is huge. A giant, blinking signpost. Something to give you energy to sustain you on the rest of this maddening voyage.