Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 13 years and 2 kids pt. 3.

This is like the man who was climbing a mountain. He stumbled, so then he decided he might as well jump off the mountain since he'd already stumbled.

Hi guys,

so I am overwhelmed by the activity and great responses to my thread. Thank you so much, I will try to answer your questions.

Neffer, you asked about WWs relationship with OM.

So basically they started the affair in june, it became PA in august when she told me she wanted to end things. Then they apparently went into a full fledged love affair, they apparently promised each other ( told from a nosy girlfriend of hers if you have followed my sitch you will know), that apparently they promised each other not to leave this, because so many things were being destroyed, so they had to commit to eachother, so they did. Well for at least 2 months. Then he ended it because he didn't reciprocate her feelings, and he didn't want what she wanted. Then a week passed, and round 2 commences. Again she is off, staying at his house for nights at a time, and then a month later, he ends it again. Apparently they are moving to fast, he doesn't want the boyfriend label, and he doesn't have the same feelings for her, as she has for him. So a week goes by, then he reaches out, and tells her that he is afraid he is "throwing away something potential great". So now, he just wants to date casual. He doesn't want her coming in the 7 days where he has his kids, and when she goes its only to sleep at this place for a night and then she comes home in the morning. So they are basically just screwing to say it as it is, and I think she is just trying to not put pressure on, so that he can change his mind about their relationship. Thats basically it.

LH,
I have been bullshitting myself, about my feelings and about detaching for sure for periods of time, but it has been therapy putting it down in writing. However, those 7 hours you mention, were hours were I was sleeping, resetting, and I can say this, I will show you all, and me, through my actions, that she is the one will come crawling, and I am the one that will be holding my head high, and will be having a good life. It began today!

I don't see the above as a major setback. I don't think she came around at all, I believe it was just testing, of course I failed, but I don't see her having changed at all unfortunately. Maybe it was a major setback, maybe not. Fact is, I am pulling myself up, and moving on from here. Hope it makes sense?

Thank you for all your input It is so helpful really

Sandi,

Haha that made so much sense. I head dived off that mountain in a reactionary way and in an emotionally really bad place in time. I could go around and stay negative about it, but you know what. I need to just say, alright, that was it, and now I need to pull myself up, and make sure I don't pull that sh-t again.

So today has been good, tomorrow will be better, and so onwards we go towards a better and brighter future with or without WW.

I know Hurt. I’ve been following your sitch. That’s why I say you’d be better with her gone. I know you can’t kick her out. Stop giving her the cake. Focus on yourself and the kids. We have told you this more than once. Commit to the process. Keep DB

GAL like crazy from now on. It will help you to detach. And you really need to detach.

We are all team Hurt here man. Be you too.
Stay strong H

Neffer,

The bakery is closed! I now know, the path I must walk, hurtful as it is, it is the only path to find a new and better life, so I will walk it, and I am going to keep walking, cause great things lie ahead.

I am going to GAL alright! I am going to see her as a neighbor, and I am going to be a great parent to my kids. I will listen to her and validate when needed, however I will be doing this from a place of peace, a place where I find myself relaxed, and wanting to be with someone, who wants me for my qualities, for the things I want to give, and someone who loves me. My WW is none of these in her current state of life, and maybe she never will be again, and thats it then.

Heres to new adventures, I can't wait to take you guys along for the ride in my journaling.

Hurt...man let the OM have her! After how you described their story, sounds like she is nothing but a side piece to him and yet there she goes. You should pity her mightily.

Run away even if only able in your mind for now!

B,

There is no bullshit in the description of their "relationship", nor did I try to make it look worse than it is. This is really what she left me for lol. And you are f---ing right, I deserve so much better. Basically, he told her straight to her face, that he only wanted something without strings attached, and she left us for that - so we are now leaving her, and she can crawl back, and show remorse when her fantasy crumbles and he leaves her for someone he actually have a genuine interest in, and then she can show some more remorse, and then in the end, show some more remorse, and then maybe I will talk to her but it will be her actions that shows me if she is truly sorry, AND that is so far in the the future that even if she encounters Marty Mcfly and his Delorean time machine, it might not be able to fly her that far into the future.

H DROP everything from your mind past “so we are leaving her now”. Focus on just that.

Like has been said we are all pulling for you.

B

Let’s do some exercise Hurt. Try no “she” on the next posts. Just write about your kids and yourself. “She” s gone.

I,

Look I know in your head you think once that relationship blows up she will come running back to you. The may be the fact but unless you make some changes it will only be until she finds OM2.

There are no shortcuts.