i read of folks having waywards who cry, temp check, ask for pictures of kids, exchange pictures, try to keep the LBH as a plan B, TALK...me, absolutely none of that has happened.
Your sitch is not unique ballast. Waywards and walkaways all act differently but few if any can give you a satisfying answer for "why".
The "why" is obviously about feeling out of control and trying to protect yourself from stepping into this again. You will never get a valid "why", even she doesn't know. She can make something up that fits the circumstances and sounds logical, but the real causes are far more complex and intermingled and probably have less to do with you than you might expect.
In my case I *knew* I was a good husband all along, and that's why the "big why" was particularly troublesome for me. It was never answered to my satisfaction either and I just had to accept that -- that's the way these things go.
Acc
So true. This is why it is important to realize that it can happen to even the best LBS.We want a why so we can fix it.
Now I can say that in my case, I was far from perfect. I could even go far as saying I deserved it. (Yeah, I was pretty bad at the time of BD.) But while my WW could point to bad behavior as a cause, she couldn't explain why she had put it up with it for so long, and why NOW was the time to do something. (She claimed it was turning 50, and that might have had something to do with it, but I honestly believe it was a perfect storm of factors (finding the singing app, OM timing, etc). The key is to learn and grow, no matter what your sitch or how it turns out. EVERYONE can make improvements. Use this opportunity to make them.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I just had to accept that -- that's the way these things go.
Acc...yep, that's the simple painful truth. I know that. One day my mind/heart will be free.
-B
Make it today.
Make that your mindset: "Today, I will let go of what I can't control and make it the best day it can be".
Did you ever watch The Sopranos? Remember when Tony is depressed and just seems so down and out? Well, when they try to kill him, he fights back, wins, and in doing so realizes that he wants to live and be happy. I bet if your life flashed before your eyes, you'd want to take advantage of it today and seize the day.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
really do appreciate all of your responses...again i feel like i cycle through from time to time, fighting against a truth that just is and all of you are so kind in your support even when what's to come is inevitable. there's a song that goes "i guess it's cause the truth is the hardest thing i've ever faced, because you can't change the truth in the slightest way...cause i've tried" that's me and my sitch.
this is pointless fellas for me to keep posting. lol ain't much point to posting when the facts are as clean and simple as they are AND my only action no matter what is forward to whatever the future holds. i really do appreciate you all so much! i'm tired of hurting, hope you all can forgive me.
really do appreciate all of your responses...again i feel like i cycle through from time to time, fighting against a truth that just is and all of you are so kind in your support even when what's to come is inevitable. there's a song that goes "i guess it's cause the truth is the hardest thing i've ever faced, because you can't change the truth in the slightest way...cause i've tried" that's me and my sitch.
this is pointless fellas for me to keep posting. lol ain't much point to posting when the facts are as clean and simple as they are AND my only action no matter what is forward to whatever the future holds. i really do appreciate you all so much! i'm tired of hurting, hope you all can forgive me.
I see a bright and happy future for you ballast! I know it is tough for you to see that right now, but I believe that is out there for you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I mean Daddy/Daughter type that can have names on them. For our tree and current reality. W left only anything to do with pre BD life so need new stuff.
I wouldn't call them broken family ornaments. They do make Daddy/Daughter ornaments. You just might not find something like that online. Go to Christmas bazaars. This month my mother gave me an ornament that was of me and my 3 kids with our names on it. It hangs front and center on our tree.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
TF...thank you for the information. it took me a bit of forcing myself to do it, but my D and I managed to create our own unique version of a Xmas tree that we are happy with.
journaling...there is so much good information available online for any of us on here. really no matter WAW/WW/MLC/alien the action plan is always the same...save yourself and your family. i think it takes us all time to get to a place where we can finally accept what is being provided to us AND be willing to believe it and action on it, but there is continued strength within us once we reach that point. not sure why i'm posting this really beyond i've just come to realize "there was nothing I did to cause this and nothing i can do to fix this". doesn't mean I can't nor do not have much i can work on within myself to become a better man/partner in a relationship, but getting to that reality has been very important for me. it gives me hope...of what i'm not sure...maybe just hope that I'll be ok and that's enough.
