Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DB again... too late or last strike

Sorry rushing around from my phone here. It’s in my old posts but I know there’s a lot. 2 months ago w went out with her girlfriend called me ten times after not knowing where she was. While driving mind you. Such an awful helpless feeling wondering if D4 would have a mom. She goes Fu*£ then all I heard was beep beep beep. Her phone broke... 3 am she gets dropped off at my house by a random guy. He picked her up off he size of the road in a rural not good area. She should have gotten a dui but got lucky and of course came back to me her white knight rescuing her per usual when she needs someone.

Even thinking about the dB stuff and when to respond or not to stresses me out and agitates me. It’s hard enough parenting solo while maintaining multiple jobs as an entrepreneur.

Thanks all for being here.

Hey Did,

you only respond to direct questions, and do so as briefly as possible. You got this.

And don't be mean, don't take out your pain on her.

You don't have to DB. Why we choose to DB is to 1) save ourselves and prepare for the future 2) because we don't want to get a divorce, and pursuit and pressure haven't worked.

Did, no one would blame you if you pulled the plug, filed for D, and moved on with your life. But you come here and say: "I know have NGS. I know I keep rescuing her. I know she plays me." And then you repeat the same behavior over and over again. I told another the other day that they were too advance in their sitch to be making the mistakes that they were making. And Did that fits you perfect. This woman has you so wrapped around her little pinky finger that it doesn't matter what we say. It doesn't matter what actually happens. The minute she descends down from her ivory tower to condescend to give you one iota of attention, you eat it up like a dog finding a pile of meat.

You are a super nice guy. I think you mean well. I think you are so enamored of this woman that no matter what she does, the minute she throws you a bone you jump to "SHE LIKES ME! WE ARE ON OUR WAY!" And you cast aside everything you've learned, and every thing you should do, and go hole hog into pursuit and pressure.

I'd highly recommend two things:

1) Talk to a lawyer. Find out what your rights are. Oh, and make sure that you tell him that you've been paying voluntary support for months.

2) Call the number on the screen above and start regular DB coaching sessions. This forum is here for support and guidance, but you need more than that, obviously.

It is time you call in the professionals Did.

One last thing.

You did her NO favors in helping her cover up her drunk driving accident. You should have called the police and reported her for suspicion of drunk driving and leaving the scene of an accident. Drunk driving is a the sign of alcohol problems. You have a young daughter to protect. You should have reported this, got it documented, and made her get help if she ever wanted the chance of having custody of your daughter. I mean, what if she drives drunk with your daughter in the car??

She's a good mom. She never drinks with D4. She can not handle alcohol at all shes very small and I Dont think she eats enough. She has issues for sure but obviously so do I. And me rescuing has enabled her. Drunk driving she just showed up at my house at 3am. She went back to the scene the next day and dealt with police. I guess youre right I could of reported her. She needs to deal with the consequences of her actions thats for sure.

Im still trying to DB because I do want to be together. Although Im starting to feel the pros may not outweigh the cons. Looks and physical attraction are only 1 small part of many others. It will only work if both people want to work on themselves hard, heal and really work on the relationship. Im done working on us or her which is just pressure and pursuit from her perspective. I am accepting that we will likely divorce although I will not take any effort to make that happen.

This is 100% accurate Steve and why Im still here- You don't have to DB. Why we choose to DB is to 1) save ourselves and prepare for the future 2) because we don't want to get a divorce, and pursuit and pressure haven't worked.

I feel better when I work on myself. Even taking all the time to post here sometimes is frustrating.

If she says something about ignoring me again? I just say I see no reason to communicate besides D4?

Appreciate your time

You say nothing Did. You just DO what you need to do. I would take Steve’s advice: why not trying some professional help? It’ll help you open your mind to the changes you need.

Stay dim. Be consistent with your changes. Stop chatting with her. No need to be pending of her whereabouts. You need to detach and that takes time.

You are the owner of your path. Stand for yourself and move your feet. No fear Did, no fear!
Stay strong man!

She just asked how she's doing? Just say good?

Im seeing a therapist for IC monday and working with a new coach for my life development going to continue to level up and reach my potential. Not necessarily working with professionals on DB things. Although I will discuss DB with IC. I refuse to be held back by W. Let go, drop the rope... I am finishing a book or two - how to be a badass and the subtle art of not giving a [censored] then will re-read DR.

We have not been chatting even when in person briefly I have been short but tried to be kind / attractive / the chill fun guy she liked... without being rude and mean.

Potential travel plans over holidays. GAL - live my life she can sit in this little rural area and do whatever she wants to do: Miami - brother lives there, Utah - friend lives there going through divorce, Vegas - lacrosse tournament.

Ignoring her weighs on me but when I do things good for me Im fine. Everytime I think of her I think: neediness leaving the body.

w asked how is she doing. I said shes doing well playing in the gym now (ive been working at a table at her school)
w said miss her a lot. I have not responded. I will just facetime her on the way home and let d4 have the phone.... or do nothing / say nothing?

I just had a call with a coach I may start working with hes done some ted ex talks and has similar situation with ex and kids- https://jimmydefalco.com/coaching

cost is reasonable $800 for 3 months with weekly 1 hour call with action items... and $700 if you pay up front.

I think that response was fine.



Also fine.



NO do not do this. If W asks to FT D then fine, but don't initiate it. Ask yourself why you want to do this. I think it's NGS or you trying to make excuses to reach out to W or both.



No outside links are allowed. If this is a marriage-saving thing, don't try and mix-and-match approaches, DB'ing is unlike most other marriage-saving techniques and should not be mixed with others as it will just confuse you.