Hi Opt, Was wondering where you'd got to, I'm glad to hear an update and the D is smiling in this year's Mother's Day picture. I still have your song posted on my real-life bulletin board over my computer. Hugs to you.
Well, I finally got the computer fixed and can post an update.
Things had been calm in the home front. H continues to spend most of his time home and we even went all together on a trip to NYC just for fun. We enjoyed it, though H seemed a bit distant and distracted. It may have been my imagination though. He has spent a lot of time with us in any case...
Anyway, life had been uneventful, which is good. I kept working on my trust issue... without much help from H, I might add. He calls me a lot every day and broadcasts his every move... but still does not let me into his office and has that woman working for him. The accounts stay the same, also. I even saw she has started a travel agency called "P R Travel" (P is her last name's initial and R my H's).
I have not approached any touchy subjects and have been upbeat and loving... even when he makes occasional sarcastic comments. Our daughter is going to visit my parents for a month in July and I had planned to talk to him then, and use the month alone as a trial to see if we can reconnect or not.
But today, I picked up the mail and automatically opened it all (as usual: he never opens mail. If it were for him, we'd be late on every payment).
There was the usual junk, and in what I thought was yet another credit card offer I found a credit card statement I did not know for $12,000 and change. I was flabbergasted and then I noticed. It was actually addressed to H and the whore (joint account) to our home address. I have not read any more... since I actually should not have opened it. I will give it to him when he comes back.
I wish I cared one way or the other...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
You know, I think you've been more than patient with this behavior. There's something pathological in his continued involvement with her (are they laundering drug money, do you think?).
I know you said she doesn't speak English - so of course, you don't know what he's been telling her. If you're really at the point where you are willing to risk it all - then what about finding someone to translate a letter to her? Tell her all the things your H has been telling YOU, and that you realize he must be telling her something completely different. Maybe let the OW be the one to get pissed off at him?
Or - hire a P.I. and find out once and for all what's really going on. Or bug his office? Okay, I know I'm getting carried away here now, and we're not supposed to snoop - but H clearly isn't telling you the truth about anything that's going on in his life. For all you know, he's a bigamist, or he's taken out a huge life insurance policy on you and plans to poison you, or he's simply enjoying living a double life and is feeding the OW some line of BS about why he can't leave you, ... or the probable truth - he's just a huge weenie who can't bring himself to cut his ties with the OW.
Maybe you should just hire a P.I., find out everything, then bring a translator with you and sit down in the office with H and OW and tell them everything you know? I'd love to see your H squirm his way out of that one!
I know you've said you're financially okay without H, but I'm still worried that he has all these financial deals with OW that you know nothing about - I'd hate to see you get stuck with his debt.
Okay - I realize I'm venting about YOUR H - but it seems to me that there's never going to be real progress in your sitch until all these secrets are out in the open. I know that means risking it all - but it sounds like you might be getting close to that point?
What about this as a first step? Simply look over the bill, get a sitter for the evening, then go out with him and ask him what it all means. That's what a normal person would do in this sitch. You've been trying to let him work through all this stuff for so long, I think you're forgetting what a normal reaction is like!
Whatever you do - I'm sure sorry he's being such a jerk.
good morning opt - just stopping in to say hey - looks like we are both living in the copesetic world - i lurk mostly these days, but i do follow you
you helped me thru some tough times and i just wanted to let you know i was still around watching...give a kiss to that beautiful daughter of yours for me
