Actually, the emotional detachment of this might work with W, if all I wanted was to get some.
I am looking for movement in the MR.
I confess that I am struggling with expectations.
And I just want to reiterate to you and everyone, that there is no such thing as emotionally detached sex with a WAS. And I firmly believe that the people who think and say they can have unemotional sex with the WAS are lying to themselves and the board.
I'm not sure it's impossible. The first time I did with my WAS I was pretty detached. My reading and study had prepared me well to attach no expectations or significance to it. She asked that I role play that we were strangers and I got into that. Funny thing was after that request she wasnt that into it the role playing.
I agree it is very difficult to do, and very dangerous since most cannot. But I don't think it is impossible.
Not imposable to me either. W and I had sex for 6 months after BD and into DB. It has been nearly 5 months since I stopped initiating and at this point, I'm sure there will be emotional attachment. But I am in what I believe is moving toward piecing. If W has attachment, good. I have come too far to abandon my plan.
Detachment is the key.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Detachment is key, yes. But what does sex release? Bonding hormones. And that is just the glimmer of hope that most LBS will focus on and see as something it is not.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I am on the bandwagon that you can have emotionless sex....it's just sex and have realized at first it was hard to detach after sex and not have expectations to now after this has been going on and I have pulled further away for a few months, I am close to declining sex but say what the heck, I can handle it.....it's just sex at this point.
Sex also releases stress!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I will say that not initiating sex for several months has gone a long way with W.
She had said that she thought I only wanted her for sex. Not true. But it was her belief.
Spending time, listening and validating and removing the pressure that I might suggest it when opportunities arise have seemed to have had a very positive effect.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I will say that not initiating sex for several months has gone a long way with W.
She had said that she thought I only wanted her for sex. Not true. But it was her belief.
Spending time, listening and validating and removing the pressure that I might suggest it when opportunities arise have seemed to have had a very positive effect.
Yep, this is true. My W also has gone through periods where, because of the messages I've sent her, she thinks all I want from her is sex. 180ing coupled with not initiating can erase that illusion.
Of course the main reason for not initiating is because it reminds them that you disgust them. Never a good thing if R is your goal.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yep, this is true. My W also has gone through periods where, because of the messages I've sent her, she thinks all I want from her is sex. 180ing coupled with not initiating can erase that illusion.
Of course the main reason for not initiating is because it reminds them that you disgust them. Never a good thing if R is your goal.
Steve, surely at some point we don't disgust them. lol
So if I'm not sure where I stand. Should I never try to initiate?
I suspect we are moving toward piecing, but since it is not one event, who knows?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So if I'm not sure where I stand. Should I never try to initiate?
Why not? As R2C says, take the lead and seduce her. The key is being natural and confident. Choose and appropiate moment and keep control of expectatives.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
