Update from the past weekend because I never know what I am going to get. Got a text on Friday afternoon that WW has been upset/crying all day. I just responded with "?", she said will talk when I get home....then another text "I just want to come home".
Ok so chill evening on the deck drinking and she has been dealing with continued work stress, colleague having pregnancy issues and just sold her wedding ring Friday after getting a replacement through an insurance claim. That seemed to be the big emotional issue that had her upset all day. I didn't ask why, I didn't ask anything about what she was feeling, just let her offer all of that. She said the newer ring was worth more, looked better, etc after having friends compare.
Later that evening we went out to grab some food and were playfully joking around. She broke out the new ring and put it on like she was doing some ceremony for me. I admit I have been very emotionless over all of this and asked why she would wear it. She said it was almost like another new start. I refrained from saying that there about 20 other things that need to happen outside of wearing a ring but she needs to figure that out on her own.
There were some strong emotions that came out Friday, she kept pushing the R talks and I made it very clear that there is no R right now, not if there is still an OM, I suggested a selfie with us, the ring, not just to social media but texted directly to OM and she would not do it......although she looked bewildered, not angry about the suggestion. I said there you go, now let's enjoy being out together and not talk about this right now.
We spent all day Sat together as well with some friends and had a good time. By Sat night she was done and there was a break down on the way home where she was crying, apologizing and again asking for help from me because she was hurting. I know she needs an IC and that has to be her decision. I feel like she is coming out of the fog a bit and right now I am just continuing to be the lighthouse. I am done with the spineless jellyfish role that wipes her nose when she needs it.
I know I am still a long way away but I feel a step in the right direction has been taken by her. I will stand my ground because she has to do all of the moving back from here on out.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
l8, I got some really good advice early in my sitch: Please avoid the temptation to judge your standing on a day-to-day basis.
This is one of things that causes the wild emotional swings by the LBS. "Today she said she is open to R! We are on the way to saving our MR!" "Today she questioned if she can ever be in love with me again. There is no hope for R!"
Think of your sitch like the stock market. There are going to be day-to-day ups and downs. Fluctuations are the norm. What you are looking for is TRENDING. Is it trending in the right direction? Or is it trending in the wrong direction? The only way to know that is with consistent behavior one way or the other over a long period of time. Do not get excited about the daily up fluctuation nor too down over daily down fluctuation.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Gotcha Steve, yes I am doing better at how to react to any of the unexpected. Continuing my strong approach to being a better me, I will be just fine with or without her. I am actually struggling more with our time together because she is not ready to open up, nor will I. Baby steps and will not accept anything but her 100% commitment to make things right through actions.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I took a step back last night and working on damage control. WW is going about her normal business and I think I was expecting more steps forward...yes expecting, that is my mistake I see it. She is excited about a new business opportunity that would have her working from home and be able to travel. I also found a receipt that she dropped over the weekend from last weekend confirming who she was with and I called her out even though I knew she was with OM already. She still lied about it until I told her exactly where she was, then claims she knows stuff about me...all a bluff.
This past weekend was all with her but outside of after hours play after drinking any affection or PDA is just not there, again expectations are what is killing me. I so want to push the separation agreement but I know that part of me still wants a reaction, yet the other part of me is just tired of the limbo. I am struggling to hold off and get back to GAL this week. Not sure what will happen this week but we made plans to travel the following weekend to an out of state sporting event, hotel, flight etc. Should I back out? Say it's not a good time? Confused.
I had a solid few weeks of doing my own thing and that brought her back this weekend? Or was he just not available? Tired of this.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
lost8, it is time to take stock. Step outside of your sitch and really look at it. If you were one of your friends, what would you advise him to do?
I'm not a big fan of doing things with active cheaters. So I would bow out of the sporting event trip.
Expectations are difficult to not have. We LBS tend to hang on every word and action of our WAS. This is bad for a few reasons:
1) Puts us on a roller-coaster ride 2) Applies pressure to WAS (they feel under a microscope because each thing they say and do gets a reaction) 3) Causes us to behave in irrational ways instead of being level and confident in what we are doing
DBing is nearly impossible to do well if you attach expectations to it. In fact, we spend most of our time here advising LBSs to drop any and all expectations.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thinking of a full reset again and DB'ing back to the basics. I was doing good and I think the tease brought me back. It was working, I was happy and detaching more and more each day. Need to stay strong with temptations.
From an outsiders perspective? The handful that know my sitch acknowledge how hard it will be but see no future with WW. More issues than just OM or even our M. MLC and menopause has her all screwed up and she has been trying to get medically treated and even then no guarantees.
Thinking to do, but that will start with GAL, I enjoyed the feeling over the past few weeks and want to get back.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
