Monday AM Update. WW talked me into hanging out Fri, left Sat AM didn't come home until Sun PM with NC. I was out Sat from previous post and was out for most of the day Sun. Like I said before it helps to just be busy and out of the house. Not to mention I dressed and dropped my son off at his first HS dance and he had a blast. Sad that his mom has missed another event like this. Crazy what goes through their head and have stopped trying to guess because I'm sure that mess is worse that what I am dealing with.
I think we all think GAL is having this epiphany that we will go out and build an ark or become famous or learn how to fly a fighter jet or something crazy. No it's just getting out and interacting with people, family, friends and really just breaking the normal routine that got us all into this mess. Go out and just do something!!!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Wow, NC since 7:30 Sat now wants to know why this bill got paid instead of another bill and trying to drag me into an argument. No thanks, I will not respond.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Update , Monday eve not sure what happened but finishing up NMMNG, and the section with the warning about a relationship moving forward or an epiphany about it ending? Keep thinking about Lucy and Charlie Brown and how he would never learn. I swear all those times she slept with me night after night then would disappear for weekends has pulled me further and further away. Last night I was able to walk away when she wanted to “hang out” and have drinks after work. I just wasn’t interested in the same routine....the same outcome. I used to think hey this will lead to something only to be let down the next day.
Was reading in basement and she said I have to come up to talk. She said was getting a job offer for less money to work from home or to move to CALIFORNIA. I said what does that mean she said I guess we will find out when I get the official offer. She said she waived benefits for more money....like I’m paying for those next year? It was like she was trying to see if I would be upset at the idea of her leaving. But honestly I said that’s great you need to do what makes you happy.
Was just odd statement, she was drinking though, but how can you expect to move to California, make less money, survive on less and have me pay benefits from East Coast? I really think she has lost her mind. Convo lasted a few minutes and back down I went.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Tuesday AM I get a text from her because it is "Bosses Day" and her team got her a card and some gifts. Why even send me a text? I did respond and say that was pretty awesome but that was it.
She came home from work and sat down outside with me and I asked if she had gotten her offer. She said not yet they were still talking. Then said "what are you trying to get rid of me?", I responded with no but you seemed excited about the opportunity. She seemed a bit irritated that I asked and walked away.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Tuesday AM I get a text from her because it is "Bosses Day" and her team got her a card and some gifts. Why even send me a text? I did respond and say that was pretty awesome but that was it.
She came home from work and sat down outside with me and I asked if she had gotten her offer. She said not yet they were still talking. Then said "what are you trying to get rid of me?", I responded with no but you seemed excited about the opportunity. She seemed a bit irritated that I asked and walked away.
lost8....
Tonight for dinner take a dozen eggs. Scramble them. Cook them. Put them on a plate.
That is her brain.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So many attempts to "manipulate" you. Here are some that I notice:
1. "Hey, aren't you proud of me? Say it!" 2. "Feel sorry for me because my H is trying to get rid of me!" (you're the H!) 3. Make you feel guilty, storm off in a huff.
Which of those usually worked in your MR? And which of those did you resist, thereby confusing her and causing her to up her game?
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I responded to #1 so she accomplished her mission. Actually her response to me saying "that's pretty awesome" which I thought was semi validating...she came back with "im good at what I do". This is the same person that complains she hates her job yet says how her team is her family and they stick together and she would do anything for them....yet she claims that she can't wait for a work at home job? This is from the Narcissist that needs yes people around her all the time.
#2 that didn't work because I didn't beg or respond to that statement
#3 didn't work either, wasn't concerned about pursuing for a response
Later she engaged in comments about the company she was looking at, why I don't know.
Question for any onlookers because like Steve mentioned (her being a little scrambled) I don't know how to deal with someone with a mental issue like this.
Back in May her issues were: - sexually abused as a teen - NC with parents across country after big fight - became self aware of history of being in abusive relationships, she was always the victim - our sitch (which she said was 1% of her concern due to other issues)
June/July issues were: - more focused on our sitch after I filed and quasi R/cake eating through early Aug until I moved out of MBR - building debt issue that she had including wrecking car and needing money to pay deduct and past due payments to get back on road
August issues were: - very focused on depression and anxiety of very large credit card debt, car payment, heath issues being discovered, low hormonal due to menopause, etc
Sept/Oct issues are: - money issues - lack of managing money I should say on her end - centered around health issue and upcoming surgery at EOY - continued work stress
One statement and then another question.
I bailed WW out late Sept because car was going to be repo'ed and money came from IRA withdrawal so it could be tracked to her in event of D. I figure it's half hers by law anyway. As well as about 90% of her CC debt. This was something that I had recommended mid summer and she was totally against and later asked if it was something we should do. My response and agreement was two-fold, first alleviate the anxiety over the debt because it really was causing her to lash out daily at me which I rarely responded and was tired of. She has ceased the anger since debt has been resolved a bit. Second to give her a reasonable opportunity to get herself in order mentally, she was an out of control mess not just with me but F and very unhealthy for all of the summer.
My question is I will not offer any additional monetary support at this time because she has been given a reset. Many have told me I was a fool to help her with the money sitch (I know NGS), but I was really seeing her ready to crash and burn which would have included losing her job. Would this have been good at this juncture, did I miss the opportunity to let her hit bottom?
Payment of surgery is being made through a fraudulent homeowners claim that she made to get the funds....I told you she is nuts. However she has scheduled a cosmetic surgery EOY and has asked me to kind of be her support as she will probably be bed ridden for 7-10 days at home. She has an option to get a nurse to come in. What should I do?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Update, not a bad week. WW was home after work every day and wanted to spend time with me. I was GAL a few days after work and total a 180 she was waiting for me to get home.
Joked around about wanting to see my phone which she had never done. Obviously drinks were involved a few evenings but I think this is the only way she can cope right now so I don't object as long as she is with me. No fits of anger, very light talk and joking around which is good for now. Twice she pushed the issue that I had replaced her and that she still loves me...I have not reciprocated the L word because I'm not sure where I am with that but do enjoy her company. Last night she wanted me to sleep in MBR with her because she said I have been leaving when she falls asleep. Didn't want to say that I opposed while she is still with OM but will see how the weekend goes.
She did mention doing something with S14 Sat AM and I joked that "oh you will be here?", she said "why wouldn't I be?", we'll see though, she has pulled this stunt before, instead of leaving Fri after work, has left Sat AM or afternoon to spend the night out somewhere.
I see my efforts to make myself better have put me in the right mindset, like I said she has shown some pursuit and just not sure if I even want to get back into the emotions of attempted R right now. Feels like her just doing extreme temp checking.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Imho you need to strictly stick to DB rules. Don´t let those temp checking attemps interfere with your progress. Don´t sail those treacherous waters Lost.
Stay away from R talks, keep DB. She must feel her loss and the loss must be real...
Stay focused L, be strong man. It´s hard but you know it´s what you have to do.
