I am with you Pain. This is not an easy journey. Keep your mind focused on yourself getting better. You cannot control her. Be the man only a fool would leave. That is all you can do. Her choice is her choice. You need to make yourself good no matter what the outcome. Either way will be very difficult, but you have to be good with either way being the outcome. If it is dependent on her coming back, you will fail.
Thank you JS. I just read through your sitch. I am sorry for what you are going through and I consider myself blessed that my sitch with my W has been more pleasant and hopeful. While there are still questions that I need answered, I need to take it one hour at a time. That is the way I'm getting through this.
It's a daily measurement of how many days I have been DBing and not getting into any heated, angry arguments with the wife.
So when I start journaling by saying "Day 74/155", I'm implying that I have not pursued/argued/etc. and actively DBing for 74 days. The 155 days is what I deduced from my DB coach to be the number of days I have been doing things that is considered DBing (the GAL portion primarily. I made a lot of other mistakes in that time, begging, crying, snooping and getting caught, yelling, angry, etc.).
It also helps the reader decide if I have been DBing for 74 days or 155. So when I come here to complain/be grateful you can decide to tell me "Pain, it has been only three months. This takes time! Chill the crap out!" or "Pain, it's been five months and you are deep in DBing! Keep up the work!"
Nothing happened. W ran an errand and came home late. She was in tears. I asked her what is going on. She shut me down kindly. Night over.
Another week of this sh*t.
Next time try a different approach- don't ask her "what's wrong" or "what's going on", instead try "you look upset, is there anything I can do?" If she says no then respond "No problem. I'm sorry you're feeling down." And walk away. It may not sound much different but she will perceive you as being more empathetic and sensitive.
If she doesn't want to talk then you shouldn't take that as an insult or "shutting you down". Just respect her privacy. Remember, this isn't about YOU, it's about HER. She's going through a lot right now, she's on an emotional roller coaster. Don't ride it with her!
Thanks guys. I am working on making the suggestions above be second nature and not be something that I have to think about everytime I am presented with a scenario like the one above.
The posts came when I got very lonely on my drive back from a weekend trip to Seattle with D4. We had an ok time, the event itself was miserable, but we made the best of it nonetheless. I'm just sad that I cannot share these things with someone like W. It also hurts to think about being single and struggling through dating again. Just a lot of bad memories that I did not want to revisit and coming the realization that D is still likely and I am going to have to go through the dating and courtship process again. It is just disheartening.
MC today. Summary of DB Coach session 4 to follow eventually.
pain, i think this is normal. When we are faced with D and our spouse not being there anymore, to freak out about dating and meeting people. However, I think eventually that will change to one of excitement, at least that is is what I see in most people's sitchs here.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
